Borderline relationships

baggyjeans · 16-08-2011, 07:01 PM

I have been dignosed with borderline personality disorder and have just had a relationship with a guy I met on the internet. We were engaged after our first meeting and slept together after our second. On our third meeting we broke up... Is this a classic sign of a borderline? x

whirlpools · 16-08-2011, 07:21 PM

An unstable pattern of relationships is common amongst BPD sufferers, as is impulsive behaviour. It seems very sudden to become engaged to, sleep with and then break up with a partner in such a short space of time (though that's as much his responsibility as yours).

Do you know what you were hoping for out of the relationship?

baggyjeans · 16-08-2011, 07:28 PM

I really don't know what I was hoping for. I suppose I wanted a relationship to go well for once. I really want to settle down, get married & have children, but don't see that happening if I keep acting this way...

whirlpools · 16-08-2011, 07:48 PM

Sorry if that question sounded like I was getting at you. I was just wondering if you were looking for some stability and closeness... or alternatively, some excitement (not that the two are mutually exclusive!).

Hmm, maybe it's better to try and take a slower pace, I think relationships are more likely to last if you get to know the person well first. I understand how it feels to want to settle down but feel that it won't ever happen for you.

baggyjeans · 16-08-2011, 07:57 PM

It didn't sound like that at all!

I will try my very best to take it slower next time. I tend to rush into things...

random.swirls · 17-08-2011, 01:23 AM

It does sound like you rushed things by getting engaged on the first date (it takes most people months and years before they get to that point) but then you say you met him online? Did you have an online relationship if so and if it was pretty intense then maybe it wasn't that unstable or rushed and thus less borderline if that makes sense?

E.g. I have an ex who I was friends with prior to going out with them and thus our relationship moved pretty quickly but we had done all the getting to know each other bits when we were friends.

DannieGirl · 17-08-2011, 07:49 AM

being a bpd sufferer myself i know how exciting it is being in a new relationship and being completely head over heels about them... to the point you'd do anything theysay for them... i'm in my 3rd proper relationship in 7 years... i seem to somehow manage to keep holding on to them...apart from this relationship, i cheated in the others with exes, after about a year of being with them i start to hate them, yet still let them control me and try to change me.. thats how i know this one is healthy, i haven't cheated, been changed or feel hate towards my partner...

i think being a bpd sufferer makes us prone to doing things to soon, or being pushed into things or being controlled... i think it changes when you start to look at yourself as a human being rather than worthless or useless... i'm not saying we are all like this, but these periods of feeling completely empty and worthless doesn't help us help ourselves...

xxx

baggyjeans · 17-08-2011, 11:12 AM

@random - We had been talking for maybe 2 to 3 weeks so not long at all!Everyone told us it was too soon and asked what is the rush, and they were right. I seem to rush into relationships all the time. I become attached quickly and it's always very intense but it never lasts of course. I just wish I could get out of this trap and have a proper relationship.

@Dannie - I do see myself as worthless and useless and I think this is where the problem lies. If I had a bit more respect for myself, maybe I wouldn't ended up sleeping with someone on the 2nd date...

Oh it's complicated being a BPD sufferer!!

DannieGirl · 17-08-2011, 11:48 PM

Maybe that's something you could (if you have one) speak to your cpn/psychologist about, if you don't have one maybe ask your doc if there are any self esteem courses or something. I think the charity mind do them. You could start helping yourself by setting a positive and acheviable goal and working towards it. Eg I started going to workout classes last week at the gym and I am now a member and gong to my first induction tomoz x