I am sick of being told I make people laugh. That I am 'funny' and then that they 'like' seeing me. They are all quick to clarify it is 'not in a bad way' but just that the way I say things and my frankness is amusing. I guess in some ways it is good because it seems to make them (social worker, psychologist, crisis team etc) want to be more available timewise to speak to me. Part of me hates it though and feels ridiculous, like a clown that nobody takes seriously. But then part of me seems to live up to that picture so that I don't let them down or appear too needy.
I just wrote a big reply and then thought id clarify something first:
Do you use humour, or do they just find you funny in the way you say things when you are being serious?
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Thanks for replying. Katie, it really is not a massive problem I guess and also I am aware at least on some level that I'm doing it on purpose.
Pengy- I'm actually not sure, I do use humour quite a lot so you would think with that being the case that I wouldn't mind being told I'm funny. I guess sometimes I also without thinking word things in a way because I'm uncomfortable with what I'm saying. Does that make any sense?
Em yes that makes sense. I can say i pretty much do the same. Heres the reply i wrote this morning:
Haha welcome to my world.
I dont find "ill" "shitty" "suicidal" "crap" "low" etc easy to show people. If i make a point of trying it only lasts a short time, then its back to me trying to cover up, and that usually involves me saying somethign "amusing".
It sounds ridiculous but i had to learn to stop doing it and try to be a bit more "ill" when i saw people. I still to this day feel a fake. I guess its my defence? You would not believe how i can be talking about the most awful thing in floods of tears and then suddenlysay something silly on purpose because i find it silly.
Your last line reveals all! Recognise this as a defence and try to let them know. Id be gobsmacked if they werent already aware of this. They arent stupid, however it doesnt do any harm to remind them of this from time to time.
You know; humour is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. Its something many, if not most of us, want in a person. The people who look after you wont see you as a clown. They will see you as someone who is likeable and struggling. They are human too and its hard to be stoic when you feel warmth towards someone, even if its not in your job description. If they want to give you their time more readily then thats a GOOD THING! They obviously dont see you as a nightmare raving loony of a patient, but moreso someone who they can actually communicate with and dont loathe spending time with.
My advice:
1) Always remind your people from time to time that humour is one of your defenses and that sometimes its hard to say exactly how you feel.
2) Cut the comedy act when meeting a new psych! Psychs are, as you know, some of the most mentally unstable people you could ever meet. Many do not have English as a first language and so miss subtle remarks made in jest. Others are simply too stupid to see beyond their own adjendas. Some are good and lovely and normal but they are the minority!
3) Dont change!
Finally i wouldnt suggest to them that their responses to you are hurtful or damaging in any way. They respond to what you give them, and it seems to me that they like you! Think of all the people they see day in, day out and think of all the **** they deal with. Complete nutters and difficult people. Agressive, nasty, hateful and threatening alongside the complete wierdos and general crap. The people who looked after me said they would fight to see me because i was considered normal and nice to work with. They never belittled my illness or condition.
I know it hurts to be seen as funny at times. Some days i hate that word. Look at my support threads on here and pretty much all mention im funny. I think my humour has kept me fairly levelled thoughout all of this and kept me sane. Being funny doesnt mean you devalue anything, but it is simply what we are and a way of coping.
They say laughter is the best medicine, dont stop taking yours!
Matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I spoke to the crisis team before starting this thread and the guy was actually very nice, listened and spent 45 minutes on the phone to me but he kept laughing and yes, I know that I was joking at times and he laughed and said I was funny which I guess was what part of me wanted because I was really uncomfortable and upset and I don't find it very easy to vocalise what I want or need to say. Part of me hated it though, I was desperate for him to help me make sense of things but I didn't want him to think I was not 'taking responsibility' or that I was being overly dramatic and both parts of me kind of clashed with each other. The psychologist I had an assessment with last week also used the F word but she is much 'better' (annoyingly so in fact) at pinning me down to giving an answer. It is harder to use humour, jokes or sarcasm to detract.
They also said that when I try and be really serious then I go into 'spoken thought' where everything comes out my mouth exactly how I think it and pretty fast i.e 'Iamwritingthispost but Iactuallyhavenoidea what I'mtryingto say, wellIdo, IthinkIdo, but I'm not sure and now I am aware that I am rambling and probably making no sense or whatever so I really am sorry but I just want to be clear but in trying to be that I am probably making things more confused' (I got bored of putting the words together to try and give a visual representation, sorry). They think that is funny too, and I guess it probably does sound funny, especially cos I end up embarassed and then make some stupid remark straight after.
Hmmmm.
I guess I also feel that if I am being funny then there obviously can't be anything that 'wrong' with me and then I get confused when they suddenly decide I need X/Y/Z even though part of me agrees it also does not make sense and I get worried that I am misleading them in some way even though that is not my intention. I am much better at writing my thoughts than speaking them (as you may have gathered from some of my 'angsty teen style' posts on here).
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I understand what you're saying. Professionals tend to really like that about me, and it's nice and complimentary but sometimes it makes it hard to show when I really need help-my front is too perky.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Hahaha I realised as soon as I typed that what it sounded like. Was gonna qualify it, then decided to pay myself a compliment- they are pretty perky ;)
dont be smutty! This is a serious forum and a serious post!
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I am sick of being told I make people laugh. That I am 'funny' and then that they 'like' seeing me. They are all quick to clarify it is 'not in a bad way' but just that the way I say things and my frankness is amusing. I guess in some ways it is good because it seems to make them (social worker, psychologist, crisis team etc) want to be more available timewise to speak to me. Part of me hates it though and feels ridiculous, like a clown that nobody takes seriously. But then part of me seems to live up to that picture so that I don't let them down or appear too needy.
Has anyone else every had the same?
All the frigging time! I have decided that I am confused about who I am and I thank you for bring this up because I've wanted to talk to my therapist about this for awhile. People always laugh at me, or joke about how I say something, or make snide 'funny' comments about how I behave...they think it is hilarious that I am really forward and frank and it is an enduring joke that i don't do tact.....which is why I feel on here I need to clarify everything with a 'i'm not meaning to sound nasty here' type comment....I've had enough back-lash from words to last me a lifetime!!!! ....But at the same time I am in therapy because I'm practising being more open and intimate with people! How does that make sense?! I'm so less black and white that I was a yr ago so can talk about this now without slipping into a depression but it does really get to me because I can't get what people want. I talk, they ridicule, I'm silent, they get mad at me. That's how it feels right now anyway - outside irl!
But with my therapist I always joke, i love she gets my wit. Sometimes we can be talking about something really serious and then my head turns and i find something funny in it. Like the other day (and this story won't be funny to anyone but me in my brain) I was talking about my family, and in my head it screwed around and I decided I was a mafia mobster talking about 'the family' - and had to say it again in a ganster stylee. That's kinda embarrassing to admit too! haha.
I think with time people get to know you more so you can be serious when you are serious and joke when you feel something is funny. One doesn't counteract the other - I've learnt that over time (black and white thinking and all that jazz). I used to think if I was truly depressed i'd always be sad and then beat myself up....such messed up thinking!
I have the same problem. Everyone I know comments on my sense of humour, it can change depending on who and what enviroment I'm envolved with, nothing else but my 'sense of humour' and 'how hilarious I am' I want to be noticed for something else, it used to be on how thin I was :(
I've often been told I'm funny and I take it as a compliment but then it can be a curse when you're feeling down and everyone expects you to be cracking jokes. Or you're trying to tell your doctor and they just keep laughing. But I'd still see it as a good quality, it's not easy to make someone laugh.
That's kinda embarrassing to admit too! haha.
