paranoia?

[mae]

I know that this may seem silly to all of you but please can somebody help me and give me some advise?
Ive had a boyfriend for about a year and three months. When we first started going out i kissed somebody else in the first month or so, but my boyfriend forgave me. I was truley sorry for it and still are to this day. I used to have some awful friends that made me do bad things and i was once stupid enough to listen i treated my boyfriend so bad that we broke up for a few weeks. I promised to change i did , im still a changed person. We are still together. Thing is now though is he takes his moods out on me, and im always scared. Sometimes he wont text me back for hours and ill get so scared i wont talk to anybody ill cry and ill get so worried that ill send him so many texts. He'll ignore me when he's in a bad mood, sometimes for days i get so scared i wont eat or drink anything until i hear the words' i love you' I go onto his facebook page every five mineuts and check if hes posted anything, when i see he's wrote on another girls wall i'll look what he's put and see if i think its flirting.
Hes on holliday at the momment and when he said bye he didnt say i love you, and his status is ' hello cheeky:p' i know this sounds weird but ive been crying over it for about an hour because im so worried he'll find another girl.
Ive ot always been like this with him. I never used to worry ive lost 2 stone in a month because of how upset i get, he doesnt know how scared i get, and please dont advise me to tell him because i wont. Im in so much pain everyday because i love him with all of my heart im only young and hes my first love. i cry so much my eyes are stained red. Im paranoid. Help me

[roiben]

It sounds like there is a bit of a need to take a step back and look at reality, so I do apologise if this seems blunt. You say you have changed, and by this, I assume you mean you have decided upon a level of commitment. I wonder, however, if this level of commitment is what your boyfriend wants.

You say you are young and this is your first love, and my impression is that your boyfriend is also young. It is incredibly hard to expect commitment at such a young age and the chances are, what is needed right now is for you to go your separate ways. Yes, this does mean you need to speak to him. You need to face up to the possibility that his view of the relationship is not the same as yours and to find out what his view is. You have treated him badly in the past, and it is worth considering whether this has affected his view of you in the longer term.

The other thing to be aware of, is that even in a stable relationship, it is normal to be out of contact for hours or days at a time, and no-one likes to be hounded with constant text messages or expected to be at the persons every beck and call. People are individuals, even within a relationship and need time to themselves, with their own friends or activities. My suggestion to you would be to focus on using the time you have apart to pick up your own activities and meet with friends, rather than fretting.

A lot of your worries right now seem to be fears that he may be approaching other women. Can I ask why you think this, is it because you have done similar in the past and feel a guilt, a sense of if I did it, why doesn't he? Do you think these fears are rational, has their been any evidence of it. As I noted above, his perspective of all this could be very different to yours.

I guess what it boils down to, is to sit down with him and talk about how he views the relationship and where he sees it going. You do not need to confront him with your fears, frankly, I would advise not to, but you do need to chat and work out where you both stand.

Then move on from there.

Be gentle with yourself.

Roiben x