Dealing with emotions

[Angel2fire]

I have BPD and have been on a high dose of citalopram for 6 years. I recently weaned myself off it (with my pyschiatrists advice) but have a few problems associated with it.

I feel citalopram completely blocked my emotioms, I just felt numb. So now I have hundreds of intense feelings and emotions to deal with. I cry so much over silly things because I don't know what else to do. I've never been taught how to handle my emotions and was always told to stop crying when I was a child.

My partner is great, and says he will teach me how to deal with my emotions but I'm not sure that he understands properly just how little control I feel I have over them, and how little I understand them.

The easy options would be to go back onto citalopram... perhaps a lower dose, but I'm not prepared to do that. It's taken me a long time to get over the withdrawal effects and now I'm free of it I want to stay free.

Although I am having problems with emotions, I have also regained feelings. I actually know what happiness feels like now. But I have lost the "numbness" and actually feel now, which is lovely. I have also regained my sex drive, which I pretty much lost. There are other positives as well.

I am still on several other medications, but I want to stay free of SSRI's. I am on aripiprazole, but I don't think I'm on a strong enough dose to deal with things this hectic. I'm also on amitriptaline and diazepam. The ami helps me sleep, I've tried to go without it and it just doesn't work, so thats staying for now. The aripirazole keeps me up and moving, and I dwell on things slightly less. The diazepam controls the diazepam addiction i have *bangs head against the wall.* because my heart rate gets quite high, although my gp is considering putting me back onto propanalol long term for my anxiety issues.

Anyway, sorry for rambling.

I'm hoping other people can identify with what I'm saying.

Thanks for reading :)

[roiben]

I wonder if working through your emotions in therapy or counselling would be helpful for you, as a means to explore them in a safe environment.

Roiben x

[Stellata]

I would also say that therapy is the best way forward with this.
You might also find looking into mindfulness helpful.

I have a similar background re never learning healthily about managing emotion, and therapy is making the world of difference for me.

[PinQ]

My psych has told me I don't understand emotions and I realise that I tend to feel them more intensely than others. I agree with what the others have said and some sort of therapy (perhaps even art therapy) could help you to manage and understand your emotions.
Currently I am learning about emotions, what they feel like to others and how to recognise them. I understand how you feel and you are definately not alone. I hope that you get all the help you need.