My dream last night indicated to me that things are very wobbly for me emotionally, and I need to observe the 'danger' signs. And I am so hyper-sensitised and on high alert. This evening appears to be the culmination of that.
Earlier I heard snippets of a phone conversation of one of the tenants upstairs. She was yelling in the room just above me [I was in the bath] and I couldn't help but hear. From that, I am panicked that she's going to have a party tonight. And she then went out, and came home with something that sounded like bottles. Her Mum went away, it would seem, and she's in her early 20s. Please, God, no. I can't handle that.
My flatmate is away. I feel so alone, unsafe and unprotected. I feel so vulnerable and angry. I hate being here on my own now. It's not ok this time, not at all.
I do have my flatmate's separated-husband's mobile number. He's still in England. But he wouldn't be able to do anything, not really. But at least he's a contact.
I don't have any friends, so having someone to come over and stay with me isn't an option either.
I'm petrified.
She might have lots of guests round. It could be noisy. There is definitely something going to happen, I know that.
And it's not like, if they're noisy late, I can ring on the doorbell and ask them to be quieter. No one would listen to me, and I wouldn't be in a fit emotional state to handle that anyway.
There is loud music playing upstairs already. I don't know what to do.
I've drawn the curtains in the front, my flatmate's bedroom. That makes me feel a bit safer. At least no one can see in then. I feel like putting heavy things in front of the front door, inside. But I'll try not to go that far.
No people have arrived yet, just noisy music so far. The volume is a bit less than it was, which is something.
This all makes me sound so nosey and awful. But I'm just concerned for my safety, physical and emotional.
I have the numbers for my area noise complaint line and police handy. And our work EAP helpline, which might be able to provide practical advice.
I know what they do is their business. But sound travels and intrudes on my space. It feels like it violates me.
I'm just hoping a sleeping tablet and ear plugs will push any disturbance away from my world, but I feel so so unsafe - not suicidal unsafe, but unsafe unsafe, emotionally and physically.
And until bed time, I really need some support, please, as I'm not in a bad enough state at this point to phone a helpline.
I dont know what to say, but if the noise is excessively loud or beyond a reasonable hour, I would phone the police.
Last edited by not_so_insig : 05-08-2011 at 08:52 PM.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
Katie is there a way that you could use your knowledge of hearing the possibility that people could be coming over to your advantage? i know for myself when my hyper vigilance is really high i true to take some of the control back using self talk to help myself. for example:
can you tell yourself in your head and out loud. "there is a high possibility that there is going to be noise above me sometime today. this noise is going to be loud and bothersome and make me feel..... but i can do the following things to cope (use ear plugs, read, self talk when it happens, journaling) i know that despite these feelings feeling intense and overwhelmingly big that their engagement above is not going to last forever. i also know that i have the contact details of the noise complaints service, helplines, and the police if necessary."
the reality is people are allowed to have parties and to socialise in their own living environment just as much as you are allowed to have quiet and peace. so its about i think being realistic about the situation and prepare in a manner that keeps you in control, well as much control as you can be.
take care of yourself katie, keep writing when you feel the need.
life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
SERENITY is my RYL mum.
SOLO is my RYL auntie.
SEFKA is my RYL daughter.
DAYS GONE BYE is my RYL sister.
JEFFERSON.MERIWETHER is my RYL son.
OLINESS is my RYL son.
Thank you both.
I just am having a hard time writing right now.
And now there's the whole new worry with the London riots. We were sent home early from work today.
.gif "rose")
