I apologise in advance if i go on abit, or i've posted this in the wrong forum/section.
I was giving the link by a close friend of mine. I've searched the Internet trying to find answers....sometimes i've seen a question/situation that is a little like mine, but when i click on the link....it's usually "Pay £50 now for an online test"....or i go to Yahoo answers and it's the usually bibble babble of people trolling, which is a shame really.
Any way, here goes :)
I'm a healthy individual, maybe a little over weight, i work full time, have a son and a lovely fiance. I am not from a broken home and i do not drink, nor do i do drugs. I did go through a phase about 6 years ago of taking cocaine, for around 6 months, but that is way behind me.
I have been through a family tragedy, but who hasn't?
Any way, In my head i have this voice, and it's been there probably since i was 12 or so. When i first told my parents, they said it was my conscience. It was like my own voice talking to me and would say..."O well done, you done well today"....all positive things like that.
Maybe it was my conscience but when i was around 16/17 the voice changed slightly....i would be preparing to go on a 3 hour drive and this voice would tell me, no, don't go, something will happen. I started to reason with the voice and i'd be driving and i would here, it's ok now...it's ok. It was like some one looking out for you. It would tell me not to trust some one, or some one is lying to you....and most of the time it was correct....could it be instinct? i would ask my self, or maybe the voice was in cahoots with my instincts. This never bothered me really
But then the voice got a lot deeper, but sounded a little more squeeky, i would be going some where, like in a car, or on a plane, and it would laugh and say i was going to die...Actually, i'm flying tomorrow and the same thing is happening.
I would be going up a ladder, which is part of my job, and it would say......"Ha, you're going to fall".....or it would tell me work colleagues are out to get me fired.
I've also strained my chest, which at first i had ECG's for, blood tests and now Physio therapy. Even though everything was fine and i KNOW it's a pulled and strained muscle....every time i get a pain, the voice says..."Watch your heart don't stop buddy"
I've never seen the person with my eyes, only in my head, say, when i'm sleeping and he decides to pipe up...he's a weird fellow....orange hair, white face paint, make up on....real nasty bit of work. Any way, the voice use to sound like me and use words i used every day, but now it seems as if it's using words i would never dream of using.
On the odd occasion, say if some one cut me up in the road....I would think..."Idiot, learn to drive"....and then about 3 seconds later the voice would pipe up and say..."Go after him, teach him to drive, the ****er".....
Feel free to ask questions, ha, and thank you for reading, hopefully i didn't keep on ranting. Thanks
Sounds like this voice you experience can cause some distress in your everyday life. Is that how you experience it? Is it bothering you? Does it interfer in your everyday life, ie. have you stopped doing activities you once enjoyed etc? Is the voice that you hear different than your own? Does it have its own attributes? There is definitely a possibility that it could be your conscience but there is definitely a possibility that it could be more than that. Helpful i know!
I guess where you go from here is up to you. If you are finding the voice hard to handle, distrubing, dangerous I would definitely suggest speaking with your GP and getting a referral to see a psychiatrist. The reason why I asked about whether it was bothering you is that is one question that you will be asked in the assessment of your mental health; everyone's tolerance level and life experience is different and thus an element of interference and distress usually has to be present for a diagnosis to be made. Saying that I do think it's something to talk about with a professional.
I also wanted to note that there is no minimum criteria for asking for support - you are welcome here anytime and please do reach out for support when you need too.
Do you have friends and/or family that you have told about this voice? It might be useful to confide in someone that you trust just to remind yourself that you aren't all on your own in this. Even if they don't know the answer or how to help so to speak, acting as a sounding board, being a person where you don't have to hide it may be beneficial. I would also suggest keeping a thought record of what the voice is saying, and if you ever seek medical support it might be useful to share it with them. It would also be useful to document the precipitating event that lead to the thoughts.
I hope that is helpful, please let us know how you go. If we can be of any further support, do not hesitate to write.
Take good care of yourself.
life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
The voice is there every day, it's like having some one following you around. Does it bother me? most of the time, yes it does....Like, when i was flying on the plane today, It was telling me to watch the engines....they're going to stop. Other times, there may be a situation where it pipes up and it actually makes me laugh.
As far as stopping things that i once enjoyed, i'd say no, it hasn't. Although it has had an impact on my enjoyment. The voice is alot deeper then my own, and like i said in my original post, i believed from a young age it was my conscience, but since the voice changed i have had my doubts. It's kind of hard to explain.
Also, when i've slept or has my eyes closed, the voice has a face. I can see him talking.
I kind of struggled on my own with this for a long time, and after a chat with a close friend, i ended up here. I guess it's a step in the right direction. I lead a normal life, and if you were to meet me, you would never guess i hear this dam voice and i am aware that it isn't a normal thing. I have thought about mentioning it to a Dr, naturally the voice tells me not to, that they lied about the ECG and Blood tests, don't trust them, but that's probably not the reason i haven't taken that step yet. I just can't figure out how to break it to a Dr who i hardly know.
What i must admit is that it has felt bloody good that i managed to get this out in the open and some one responded. Absolutely fantastic
Well done for opening up, it can take a lot of courage to admit when something is a problem for you. You don't have to live with this - you can live a life of your own free from having this voice following you around. I would see your GP, maybe print off what you have written which explains your problem, then you don't have to feel awkward about speaking about it.
I think you do it just the same way as you did by posting here. I know that face to face is harder but like Bramble said bringing this post or a letter that you have written out your symptoms, thoughts and concerns may be helpful. also that close friend that knows any chance they can some with you and sit in the office with you, or wait in the waiting room?
A GP may say that they are not the best person to speak to about the voice, but can support you until the appropriate referral and connection can be made.
I wish you luck with everything, please let us know how you go. If you ever need to chat am only a message away.
life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
Thanks for the support guys, i feel this was the "first step"....I've been discussing it in depth with a close friend, and i'm getting use to talking about it now.
