I feel dead inside

[nearysh]

I haven't felt like this in years.



I'm having horrible thoughts.

[one_step_closer]

Can you tell us some more about the thoughts you're having? We are here for you.

[nearysh]

I don't know if i'm even allowed to post the thoughts I'm having.

It's been years since I had a "plan" to kill myself.
And now I have one again.
I'm not saying I'm going to do it.
But I have one.

I want to cut again.
I want to so badly.

But I cant.
The only reason I'm not doing it...is because I live with my boyfriend, and it's impossible for him not to see it.

I feel.
So lost.
and SO SO SO SO alone.
because no one knows how I feel.
I just put on a smile
and act like everythign is okay.
and I dont know how much longer I can do it.

[ScarletButterfly]

I understand why you're upset; even though you don't want to go through with the plan, it's still scary that you're thinking about it. Naturally, this makes you want to cut because (well, I'm assuming) you'd rather cut than kill yourself. If that's true, then at least there's the upside (though it may seem small) that you want to live; part of you wants to fight this. Do you have access to a counselor, or a family member or friend who you can trust to listen? Even though we're here for you, I know it's not as great as face-to-face support. I hope you start to feel less stress and less alone. Take care <3 <3 <3

[Marta]

You don't have to pretend you're okay if you aren't. I used to, and it can be very tiring. If I pretend to be okay, nobody knows that I'm not. Now, when I'm not okay, I just look for help.
Does your boyfriend know the way you feel? You should tell him. He lives with you and maybe he can help. It's very important to have somebody to talk with. Putting feelings into words makes our pain less intense.
If you don't want to die, if you have a plan but your brain seems to say 'no', that's good. Bad times always pass, be strong and keep on fighting.
Take care! :)

[PassedExpectations]

how are you doing today? *hug* you can get through this if you hang on, and keep doing your best.

[iwantanewlife]

i know the feeling, i was doing so well!! i stoped cutting, i was eating more but it all just recently crashed on me. its like i'm starting all over.

[nowhereman]

I felt dead inside for about a year, it was awful. I'm sorry you're having bad thoughts but you have to fight them, always fight them cos you deserve better and they are just rubbish trying to make you do bad things to yourself but don't.

[Babygirl1717]

could you possible talk to your boyfriend that your living with about these thoughts and feelings?? im praying for you

[to-be-happy]

you to huh :(((((((*(((

[_Nemesi_]

Can't you tell your boyfriend about how you're feeling? And why are you feeling this way? Anything happened?
*hugs*