i'm in an ongoing loop of permanently being in an overdraft... i am crap with money.. and i can't seem to control it... all i want it my card to be put to 0 and then i can start fresh... i am going to germany on the 4th..and i haven't really been able to save my money... i keep somehow spending it...nothing to show for it either
i've been feeling a bit low, one night on the impulse (i was alone and unstoppable) i went and bought some mcat for a boost... only me and the dealer knew... my bf (who is an ex ketamine addict) asked me one night if i'd taken anything.. i lied and said no as i don't really feel he should know i'm being weak and turning to something he has got away from... when he found out i lied to him (this is about the 4th time i've lied to him aboout taking drugs) and was saying how i walk all over him and then came out with "i think you want a resume of problems to tell people about, i've been there myself- and i admit that" .... this completely stabbed me in the heart and it made me realise why i never told anyone anything in the first place...he is the first person who i felt i could trust to tell things, if i'm asked... my family wouldn't ever get me to talk and it took years for the mental health services to get me to talk... i've been a bit more open in the last year... but now i know why i wasn't in the first place- people just think i'm attention seeking...or that i want to be seen as the person with all the issues.... they only ask stuff to use against me...well not anymore!
i've asked to be discharged from the cmht
