wedding and death

teenytineytori · 26-07-2011, 09:35 PM

So, I am getting married next week. Very exciting and stressful. We have been together for 11 years. I am happy. So much to do still though.

Last week a family friend more like an uncle passed away suddenly. I was... am sad about it. About 5 years ago he was the person I told about the abuse in my past. I had dissociated and he was the only one who I actually spoke the words to who actually knew from my lips what happened. Not even me.

I got a phone call this morning that my godmother is in hospice. She has 3 - 5 days. I am devestated. I really thought she would see me get married.

My grandmother has cancer and has been doing well but is declining.

My future mother in law has cancer but seems to be okay just tired a lot.

My best friend's family is going through a loss right now as well.

I am also in grad school taking 2 classes. I am a MESS

I don't know what to do with myself.
I do not have anyone to go out with and I don't go out alone.

I'm so sad.

Laura2.0 · 26-07-2011, 10:14 PM

*hugs* sorry you lost your uncle.

maybe your best friend and you could go out together to get away from the grief for a while. distract each other maybe.

teenytineytori · 27-07-2011, 05:05 AM

thanks

I would love to go out with her. Only problem is she is in a different time zone. She moved back to her hometown after high school. I miss her dearly.

nowhereman · 27-07-2011, 05:35 AM

I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck with your wedding. Remember your uncle but don't let it ruin your day, he wouldn't want it to.

Whispered Secret · 27-07-2011, 08:41 PM

Firstly, congratulations on your wedding. This is something that happens only once in your life, so enjoy it. Remember how much your fiance loves you, enough that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

I'm really sorry to hear about the mass of illness in your family at the present time. It's completely understandable that you are sad and overwhelmed right now.

Try to take everything in little bursts, doing bits and pieces when and where you can. I hope you can get through this ok.

teenytineytori · 28-07-2011, 03:53 AM

thanks a bunch all.

I like the idea of doing little bursts of stuff. It is a good plan.

My wonderful friends from my grad classes have really stepped up to help me a lot. Been really helpful.

I saw my godmother again today. She was saying she was going to be at my wedding and that her friend would bring her even in a wheelchair and decorate it. I almost lost it in the room but was able to hold it together until we got outside.

She will not be at the wedding.

I think about running away from everything all the time. I even consider how to end it. The only reason I don't end it is my best friend lost her father to suicide I can't do that to her twice. I don't run away because it would hurt my fiance. I don't hurt myself because I don't want to hide things on my wedding day.

I don't know what to do instead.

pea soup · 28-07-2011, 08:03 PM

I'm so very sorry sweetie.
I'm really short on words for these type things.
I hope your wedding is wonderful :)
*healing snuggles*
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx

teenytineytori · 29-07-2011, 06:31 AM

thanks a bunch.. snuggles are always good.

Worked on some grad school stuff today, got some more stuff for the wedding, tried to get the venue situated.

We went up there and my mom was asking crazy questions and just being her usual self. The lady stopped speaking to her and only talked to me and my fiance. Then it was time for my mom to give the check. She didn't have her check book and even if she did, she did not have the money in the account... She has the money in a savings account but did not transfer it over.

She knew about this meeting in the beginning of last week. As soon as my father was told he mailed a check to the place. I mean what the hell?!?!?

And everything is a BIG ****ING deal. I seriously don't even care about getting married anymore. I want it to be OVER and done with.

I need to sleep. But all I do is sleep during the day. I try to do stuff but get sooo tired or distracted by myself.

How do I stay focused?

~Grace~ · 29-07-2011, 05:59 PM

Im so sorry to hear of your loss and the illnesses in your family xx

Im glad your father was able to sort out the problem with the venue.

What else is left to do? can you sort through it with your fiance and prioritise it? Make a list That way you know where you are in what needs doing..your fiance can help which will take some pressure off you enabling you to enjoy the build up to the wedding.

sorry i havent much to offer, but am thinking of you and sending some love xx

teenytineytori · 31-07-2011, 04:26 AM

thanks a bunch. Yes I do need a list very badly hahah

my godmother is improving and may be released to home hospice on tuesday but I worry it is just prolonging her suffering...

~Grace~ · 03-08-2011, 08:20 PM

How are things hun? Not long now and i hope all is ok xx

~Grace~ · 04-08-2011, 07:01 PM

hey,,,just wanted to wish you a really fab wedding day for tomorrow!!
I hope all is well and everything sorted
Will be thinking of you hun
Throws confetti xx

Whispered Secret · 07-08-2011, 04:05 PM

I hope you had a lovely wedding sweetheart. Would love to see some pics when you're next online :) xx