Some of you may know that in the depths of vets, lurks a cute and cuddly penguin by the name of Matt. He is wise beyond his years when it comes to others, but the little pengy struggles to see himself in true light and so finds it difficult to make a thread when he needs it. So this is me, making a thread for him, dragging him out of the depths and into posting land and basically kicking his butt to try and instal some sense.
Long story short, Matt has done so well over the last year or so. He has dug his way out of a major depression and was begining to get on with his life. Life was good and he developed a new hobby, cycling. Even got an article published about it. But alas, little pengy fell off and broke his flipper.
He is in pain right now, but he has depression creeping back in. I think he could do with some words of wisdom and support right. So anything you have or wish to say, please do.
Matt, you have had wise words for me in the past and I know you know the score. Please listen to yourself. Dont stop trying. Get out their, be social and if exercise is your thang, then go to it. You can always put your puppy dog face on and ask for a handy off pretty ladies as yours is broken.
Seriously, I know you can do this. Please dont give up. Think back to how things were, it is bloody hard work when you feel crap all the time, dont succumb back to it.
SERENITY is my RYL mum.
SOLO is my RYL auntie.
SEFKA is my RYL daughter.
DAYS GONE BYE is my RYL sister.
JEFFERSON.MERIWETHER is my RYL son.
OLINESS is my RYL son.
Thank you. Ive tried to make a thread so many times recently and i just cant.
I know it seems stupid but i want to hurt and punish myself. 70% of my day is spent thinking bout suicide again. Im sick in the head because i have felt jealous regarding all the recent deaths, wishing i was one of them.
I just wish i was someone else. Im so lazy and useless. I wish you really knew me. I feel like ive cheated you all so many times.
Ive read old posts where people havebeen so kind and said so many nice things and i just feel like you have been fooled and its all my fault.
I just wanted to be happy and find love and peace. Instead i found hell.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I'm sorry to hear that after the message you sent me and know from that what sort of person you are, so I hope you can see that in yourself how strong and caring you are. (Have another marshmallow!)
I think it's safe to say that I know you pretty well by now. And I can say without doubt that you are none of the bad things you think about yourself. And you are all the good things I say about you. Because I know you better than you know yourself right now. As does Kim. As do we all. Because the way you think of yourself at the moment is not a true representation of the Matthew that you are.
I'm not going to go on and on. You know where I am and that is always here for you. I will just leave you with this:
Thank you. My anxiety is bad. i mean off the scale. If all is well then im fine but when something changes i go bad. Its hard to explain but my mind just goes off into the realms of stupidity and the whole world ends. Its like the story of Mr Jelly or chicken licken or the other doom and gloom merchants form kids books.
They took my finger guard off yesterday. Its made things like relaxing so much easier. however i have little or no use of my finger. I can move it about 35 degrees and thats all. I have psysio next week. I hope it gets better as i need it to write. I need it for lots of things actually.
Not getting out and being trapped is making me bad. I want to self harm and i have thoughts i shuoldnt be getting. Im tempted to overdose again. I havent had that feeling for two years now.
I look and i see others and im ashemed im posting. Im also shocked at how bad i used to be.
Im closing down. I know i shouldnt but its easy and i take the easy option each time.
Im a bad person and i deservet o be hit and beaten and locked in a black room a dn kept alive at the minimum to endure maximum suffering.
If i saw myself thats what id like to do.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Matt, really, you shouldn't think such horrible things about yourself. I know it's hard not to but you really are a kind and remarkable person. It's easy to hate yourself and hard to look back and forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made.
You have struggled a lot and you still struggle. But why on earth would that make you a bad person?????
Life sucks sometimes and sometimes we all take the easy way out. But it doesn't make us into horrible people deserving of horrible things.
When you look at yourself you see a person you don't like and won't forgive. I wish you could see yourself like we see you. Maybe you have done some bad things and stuff but you're still a kind and worthwile person.
I hope some day you can look at yourself and see someone you like. And be able to forgive yourself. I hope that very much....
I want to scream this out of you but i dont think its what you need right now. i want to show empathy the best i can. you dont deserve anything bad to happen to you.
you are a pure joy to me and so many others. sometimes when i see you so dwon it makes me want to cry because i know the happy and joyful you. and i know you will get back to that place again.
i think breaking your arm was a major setback because it disabled you from doing the things you enjoy and bring you happiness. your arm will heal and you will get back to doing those nice things again. try to be patient.
please dont harm. you already have a broken arm, you dont need anymore pain, no matter how much you may want it.
sorry i have no more words. always thinking of you.
loves.
xxxxx
Oh, Matt, you are none of those horrible things! You are a wonderfully caring, fun, kind person.
I'm sorry I don't have many words atm...but pls try to see what we all see and know to be the truth.
*sends love and sticks a jelly bean up your nose to keep you busy*
xxx
When I see your happy/random/funny/rude posts in general it makes me smile. It makes me live another day so I can come back and see what else you have written. I think you need some chocolate and a good movie.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Thank you all for the kindness. I'm so sorry I let you all down. I'm sorry I'm rubbish. I'm really finding things hard.
Thank you again xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
You havent let anyone down Matthew, I know its hard to see that when youre in a bad place...but you really havent. Youre a good, kind, honest, gentle, wonderful person...
Wish i had more to offer...sending love and hugs xx
.gif "rose")
