medication withdrawing? Can i refuse it?

[insidemyhead]

My prolactin levels are often high (i had mri there's nothing wrong with the pituatory gland) they were on prozac and on olanzapine and i've had my bloods done to see if they are again on my quetiapine i dont actually mind.. as i have no female times of the month and havent for over a year and thats fine by me. Im only asking because my pdoc said if its high we may have to change my medication.. im very concerned about this.. i am very unstable as it is right now, i have a lot of stressors in my every day life without my mental health and with both combined im practically climbing the walls. Im aware that my medication somewhat stabalises me i dont want to come off it just yet due to the stressors.. so for a month or so (my grandad is terminally ill and i have to go to london for a big family do for my dads mums 90th.. i am not good even in my little town and i've always dreaded my visits to my dads family, they take the mick out of me and we have nothing in common ive changed alot since they last saw me im very worried about this and because of the crowds of london.. its dangerous in my eyes) those are events and the rest of the things in my head is making me deteriorate anyway.

My main concern is when i last withdrew off my meds i became completely out of control.. i was in hospital at the time but i was repeatedly attempting suicide, self harming badly, trying to run and just impulsive and illogical it was a scary time for me that was when i wasnt unstable before they took me off my meds, i was quite calm they took me off for the prolactin levels and thats what happened and i feel it would be a double whammy as im already unstable and having meds taken off. Am i allowed to refuse my meds to be withdrawn whilst im so unsafe? I dont think it would be good for me.. Also i dont really want to change meds, they put me all the way up to the highest dose of olanzapine.. i was a zombie, my mind went, i lost my intelligence and motivation, i can think with the quetiapine im not up to my eyeballs drugged up.. my concern is a change of meds even though im being tortured would just be bad in itself.. i cant contain myself the way i am and if my meds were dropped it would probably be even worse.

I hope this makes sense in some way

[not_so_insig]

I get what you mean.

I would talk to your psych and say to him that things arent great, and that you are highly worried about relapsing. Because of this I would stress to him (her?) that withdrawing from meds is not a good idea at the moment. Psychs generally like (unless there is a reason why, such as intolerable/dangerous side effects) people to withdraw from meds, both from when they are stable, and that there is no stressful situations in your life.

I think that withdrawing meds now is absolutely the wrong choice with things going bad for you at the moment. If like you say the meds are keeping you stable, I think you need to be on them for at least a couple of months longer, because at least they will be one less thing for you to worry about. Plus you will need some support to get through this, which the meds will provide.

I think next time you did see your psych I would talk to him, explain the above, and hopefully your meds will not change.

[roiben]

^^ I agree with the above, and think that stating that you understand the issue of the levels but think now is not the right time due to what is going on. I know I waited to reduce ADs and things like that in the past until anything that may have been stressful was finished.

Roiben x

[insidemyhead]

Thanks i would only be withdrawing onto another medication but i agree that its not the right time to do so and that they should understand this. Im going to be undergoing an assessment of some form i think to figure out my true diagnosis as they all think it doesnt add up with my current diagnosis so they may want to wait until they've figured out what is wrong with any luck. Im scared of trying another medication.. because ive just started learning again open learning but i cant imagine me being able to do it the way i was say on olanzapine. The next drug id be trying would be apriprizole, i think at least my old doc said that. It sounds like a doctor should understand why i wouldnt want to withdraw until i've settled down im worried enough as it is... im so scared that im going back down.. i know im deteriorating but im trying to control it, my voices are hard fighting, i keep talking really loud because i just try to be heard over them. Its embaressing and im just jumping at the slightest thing, i cried because the cover of my chair fell off earlier, this made me scared before but this time i just cried. My face makes weird movements and my head seems to keep losing track, one minute my thoughts are there the next its a blank. Im trying to keep myself above water. I think i may write a little note to my doctor, i have very bad trust issues with doctors due to my last one (he was horrible i mean really horrible he messed me up mentally.. say manipulative and inconsiderate he made my skin crawl, he even freaked my dad out for no reason and my dad isnt very intuitive at all) So im really struggling with my current one due to the discharge letter they sent to her and just because im scared of doctors from my old one they have so much power my old one could have labelled me so many bad things because of some silly mistake due to memory problems etc he was rigid in opinion so im very worried that my doctor has negative opinions of me. So i cant verbally talk to her very much maybe i'll write her a note so she understands.

Also rather off topic you know when they write letters to gps etc, its twice ive seen in letters or a report and they've mentioned my dress i was listed as 'casual dress' does this mean they think im lazy in my choice of clothes, i try to appear normal in clothing but i really worry about how i appear i feel i look horrible in most of what i wear so its just whatever i feel doesnt make me look so bad. The othe rthing is she says i was incoherant alot of it... but i thought i was very coherant and understandable.. is it something we dont notice? I know i struggle when im being bothered but i thought i spoke well.. im ok with writing obviously as i can recorrect it will they mind it being typed. Sorry for writing on in this post. I will tell her thanks for saying im allowed to refuse or ask it to be postponed a little.

Thanks for the replies i hope you are both well x