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I think something's wrong...*Kind of lengthy, but I need some advice or something please*
I think I might be bipolar...I'm not sure..I just know something's wrong with me... Everywhere I go, I'm scared all the time...I'm constantly checking over my shoulder, and sometimes spinning around to see if someone's watching me... And I can be having a great day and suddenly start crying, and I can't figure out why... I see things at night too... not just shadows or whatever, but I think I get so scared at night that it makes the anxiety worse... I have a horrible memory, I don't know if that would have anything to do with it...but my mind can never connect with the world it seems...I can't make myself eat. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't. It makes me feel sick. I don't think I'm fat or anything, and I don't try to lose weight, so i don't think it could be an ED. I'm an insomniac with chronic migranes that no amount of medication can fix... I can never have a singular conversation, if that makes any sense. What I mean is, it's like I can't stick to one subject, or if I do, I throw so many different statements together that it makes no sense at all.
I have suicidal thoughts all of the time. Even on good days. It's just like these violent images fill my head and never stop...
I can't go to anyone for help, until school starts up again, as I have no means of money, and my parents don't have the spare money for me to ask to go to someone. I know that's no excuse, and that they would readily get me into treatment, but we're very short on extra money as it is... Can someone please help me understand what's going on with me..?
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