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Old 18-07-2011, 09:34 PM   #1
insidemyhead
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Contains Abuse - targeted bullying by boss or just me being over sensitive?

ive been volunteering at an animal welfare centre since march/april twice a week pretty consistantly. I work very hard i do so much work with very little break (as little as 5 minutes with the odd sitdown out of 8 hours) the staff get more of a break. I get more dogs to walk/paddock than most staff or other volunteers and i get dumped with typical chores which is a list for the staff, i now put my . I've gone out of my way to learn and train/ work with dogs between what i have to do. I know this sounds a lot for a volunteer but i dont really mind that... the staff decided i was reliable and safe with the dogs that i was as much a member of staff as they were. I didnt have to be chapperoned as ive never done much wrong apart from the occassional accident but nothing major.. the worst i did was accidently leave the gate open no-one escaped or anything i just got told off just in case. I got given more responsibility which i was happy with and enjoyed it as for atleast one day of my week i fulfilled something and i felt like i was needed by the dogs and cats.. because i loved some of the most difficult which others just couldnt stand and id spend time with them and help train them which staff appreciated... so i felt like atleast for some hours my life wasnt hell...

Now... these past few weeks its been changing and im increasingly frustrated and upset or 'looping' over mine and the staffs every move, word, colours and expression.. not stalkerish just trying to find out whats happening. Its tied with everything else at the moment. But people are telling me its probably my head but it doesnt feel like that. The manager is typically hard on everyone shes always getting at everyone never praising nothing is ever right and yet all she does is moan at people.. she doesnt do the bloody work herself! But the staff take it lightly just hate her moaning all the time and that shes not fair with leave/rotors. But shes been targetting me recently... and i dont know why, the staff dont understand it either. She doesnt acknowledge me... she looks through me, doesnt say hi, bye or anything apart from demands. Shes tutted or 'ugh'd when she sees me. Ive tried asking her son if i can help with anything else like computer work on the website (its crap.. they dont have the time.. thought id offer it) he says she doesnt want me doing it and says there is no reason why she should say that as other volunteers have done so in the past. I was left on site alone whilst staff walked some dogs, which ive done before with no problem.. her, her son and daughter were on site anyway so if there was a mass crisis id go get them, she came out had a go at me then at the staff saying what if there was a dog fight or escape? They told her im more qualified in canine restraint and aggression than they are and have handled dog fights before and dealt with escapees (one of my favourite dogs is a very experienced escape artist.. i helped secure her kennel after researching and how to stop her hurting herself) and she just goes 'i dont care about her!!!' i dont think she knew i could hear but maybe she did... last friday staff were going on a group walk she gave everyone permission apart from me... (really aweful volunteer and work experiences were allowed.. im not lying its the staff opinion they're aweful because they dont pay attention and dogs keep escaping with them.. and they were allowed?) now she used my back as an excuse the staff and i told her its recovered and im just as strong as any other of them, that my chiropractor gave the ok! I won than battle but i wasnt allowed on the walk. Then today she humiliated me by leaving a note just before i started walking the dogs i had the dog in her harness i was excited because i was walking her and she was excited, staff member comes up 'you're not allowed off site unescorted manager says so' when other volunteers who just turn up once in a while were going off and have always gone off, people who they've never seen before are allowed to walk the dogs for miles, i was really upset by that like what have i done wrong!? The staff think im fine... why doesnt she? im fed up and its really stressing me out, im not enjoying it and yet i do because of the dogs and cats i adore it but shes making it hell... im so close to leaving but im not sure if this other shelter will take me on they're much more upmarket and proffessional. I know its stupid as im a volunteer.. but this place has given me routine and enjoyment until recently, i really struggle with changes and people are saying im probably being over sensitive and stupid but i cant help thinking its real, aimed at me and deliberate the staff are getting annoyed with it because they dont understand why shes so on my back telling me to confront her, but surely that will make things worse? Maybe its what she wants...

I hope this made sense... does it sound like bullying? I hope it isnt im fed up of everywhere i go someone hates me and needs to bully or abuse me or just hurt me.. everywhere i go.. surely this makes my head right all the other bad people right? How is it people cower from my being and just want me hurt or destroyed.. its difficult to ignore it all.. its making me stressed with everything else in my head theres so much crap in my head. The voices harass me, the words of my abusers haunt my head every time someone decides to be cruel or target me.

Whats wrong with me? I really dont know what to do...




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Old 18-07-2011, 09:35 PM   #2
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sorry for the length... :/




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Old 19-07-2011, 12:23 AM   #3
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*hugs* doesn't sound fair at all you are giving your time and she should be thankful, does your council have a kennels for strays etc or rspca? they are often grateful for any help they get i did my work experience for school in the council kennels and they were really good to me.



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Old 19-07-2011, 10:35 PM   #4
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It sounds like it's hard for you to know how much of this is external events & how much is the interpretation in your head? It's quite tricky for us to work out over the internet too - and probably that's why you haven't got more answers.

As far as I can see like your manager's behaviour towards you has changed. I'm wondering if she knows/has found out about your mental health issues, and is discriminating because of them. Is that possible?

Could you make a list of the ways in which she treats you differently from other volunteers. Make it as specific as you can. If there is a member of staff who could look at your list with you and see if they agree that would help. Then it should be clearer what's actually going on, and if you do talk to her about it you have something concrete to discuss.

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Old 19-07-2011, 11:29 PM   #5
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Thanks guys im going to go visit the other shelter in our area, as they're part rspca so im going to see how easy it is to get there etc and enquire about it all.

Im not very good at explaining myself so im not surprised if it confused othr people but thanks for replying. The fact that the staff are reacting to it and not understanding it ether gives me some indication that its not a regular thing. Her attitude has never been good to me, its just gotten more open, it may be that im not like the other volunteers.. im regular and consistant whereas the others come every so often walk dogs and then leave after say an hour or so, maybe shes annoyed with my consistancy and seeing me. The other staff appreciate it though.. i supposse she cant see what im doing as shes not on the floor with me often. I know i always worry as she often sees me when im doing the washing up of having a drink so im worried she thinks im lazy... even though the washing up needs doing and theres lots of it and i think she feels im always sittng down or something when shes probably catching me after my first rest in hours. So im up and running again to sort of prove im not lazy. I doubt theres any way that she found out about my mental health unless someone who knows me told them.. and thats pretty much just my professionals.. as i dont know anyone else who may see them, i highly doubt that would happen. The only other thing is maybe shes seen my scars by accident? say if im stretching and it rolls? I know if im alone in the paddock or walking i have my sleeves up but i check there is no-one in any radius that could see.. I havent mentioned anything that should be obvious.. i didnt declare it or remotely mention it. The only other indicator is i look very tired and pale apparently but that could be physical health. One of the staff members is an ex drug user and another volunteer special needs.. same categories arent they to the highly judgemental?

I think it is real because my head may exacerbate my reaction... but it cant make up her words/reactions. Im very bad at reading facial expressions so tutting/ughing may have been misread but i think its why im so upset over it that i know its real but dont want it to be because i now have another person to cause me havock. I feel like i should stay just to prove im better than her and prove that im not who she thinks i am... but ive done that with too many people for it to be worth it and its probably just going to get worse, ive seen people pushed out of work like this.

I may write that list its a good idea, thank you for the replies i hope you are both well x




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Old 20-07-2011, 08:40 PM   #6
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im feeling depressed i think that may be the problem at the moment... im not always depressed im normally on edge, frightened and tired but right now im depressed, i hate that... its an unsettled feeling. The low life..

i went to my chiropractor appointment headed down the highstreet hill.. appointment around school time finishing and these horrible teenagers decided to push me over (they were hovering behind me/breathing down my neck and i panic in this scenario, i cant cope with people so close behind me and as i moved they moved with me and giggling) and then they go 'eurghhhh look at that, how disgusting' i didnt even know them and im probably a year or two older than them! I just dont understand that... no-one stopped them ofcourse. Also i was trying to cross a difficult road (only way of crossing it) and this man didnt indicate so he cut me off and i had to run back to the path and he gave me the finger.. he was the one in the wrong and he was old enough to not do that in a jokey way it was completely unneeded i wasnt rude to him, i got out the way.. i hate it when people do that. My mum is bad in the car and it bothers me there as well i just see no need it doesnt help matters. It stresses me out. I know that sounds stupid ive had much worse but i just didnt see why he did that.. it actually upset me out of confusion. But i think this is because i have nothing positive in my life right now it feels like everyone is negative against me. The one person i feel positive with and is nice to me is my chiropractor but they're becoming less now and i think not having that positiveness in my weeks is upsetting as well. Its a big headache. Its all negative and today i was just embarressed in my appointment with my care co.. i felt wretched but couldnt talk, and my old support worker is back.. which i dont really like.. she's very loud and pretty as well i feel very inadequate around her and shes not very helpful, the times ive been with her its her talking about herself which is fine with me as i dont think i could talk back to her. I get on well with older and gentle but firm women i kind of needed to talk today but couldnt because my support worker stayed the whole appointment.. she was meant to come at the end for a little bit. I felt really on the spot and felt they were annoyed with me but i think that was my head talking. Im really worried about the upcoming appointments to sort out my diagnosis im so worried that itll backfire, give me a bad diagnosis or they wont believe me. One plus is though i got my new library card and have reserved some textbooks for my course.. it took me alot to go and admit i lost my library card i thought theyd be annoyed and refuse to let me have a new one.

I just feel like i want to be alone for a little while ignore the world. But i have nowhere thats possible to do so. Sorry for posting this here i just wanted to write this down somewhere x

Hope you're all well




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Old 21-07-2011, 09:42 PM   #7
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Just wanted to say I have read and sorry you are struggling so much. I know what it's like when your base-line mood is so low - all kinds of events that might otherwise be manageable just seem to tip you over.

Can you do any little things to create positives in your life. Give yourself some little treats or find something you can do to have a break from it all? - Favourite films or music? Bubble baths? A day out somewhere? Whatever is relaxing/distracting.

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