Well, where to start....at the beginning I suppose ;) Hi, I'm Garry, I've been overweight all my life, and since my early teens, usually morbidly obese. I've lost loads of weight on various diets, only to have to return over the subsequent years. As I'm now reaching 50, you'd have thought I'd have sorted things out by now but that's not the case. I'm a confirmed comfort eater but also eat when I'm happy - a destructive combination.
I've never purged so you can easily see why I'm morbidly obese.
Relationships, other the friendships, with women have been non-existent until relatively recently. For years I told myself that my weight stopped me forming relationships but the reality was that I LET my weight stop me having intimate relationships.
I've always told myself that all I've ever wanted was to be loved and love that lady in return. Incredibly surprisingly, to me anyway, I actually found a life partner and we've been married 2.5 years. Being loved is fantastic but I've realised that I'm still not happy with myself...I don't love myself. And perhaps that's the crux of the problem.
So why am I here? Well to talk to people who have some understanding of EDs, and to offer support in return. I've used some message board/forums before but sometimes, perhaps as many of the posters were vulnerable teenage girls, my presence has been misconstrued and not welcome. Hopefully I'll find support here, and give my best efforts in return.
I think a lot of us here can relate to parts of your post, I know I can, but I'm really happy to heat you've found a partner and are happily married. Of course, being unhappy with yourself isn't going to help you in any way, so you're right in thinking it is a problem.
Are you working with anyone to help you gain a better understanding of your eating behaviours, and, develop a love for yourself?
Thank you for the welcome and your kind words, really appreciate them.
Although I'm sorry if you've suffered in similar ways but it's nice to find someone else who can relate to my situation. On other boards/forums, most posters believe that the worst thing in the World is to become what I am i.e. morbidly obese. I fully realise that this is just an aspect of their EDs but it did little for my own self-image. Whoops, waffling already :)
Yes, having a loving partner is something that I never thought would happen to me, and I'm enormously grateful for it. Although my wife knows I have problems with food, well it would be hard to ignore, she doesn't know the depths of my despair that sometimes I fall to
No, I'm not currently working with anybody to address my eating issues. A few years ago I did a diet plan that included CBT which whilst identifying the triggers, did little to address them.
Enough about me, tell me something about you, if you want to of course. But thank you for posting, makes me feel I'm not alone with my ED.
Gosh I know exactly what you mean, it can be hard being overweight and hearing about others despising it, fearing it, when it is far from their reality. But you're right also in that its an aspect of anothers illness and often isn't projected onto others but used for their self reflection; ie. they see past the weight and see people suffering with an ed like them, too. At least here I've found people very supportive no matter what their background/weight, though I empathise the comments (despite not being directed at you) can be so hurtful. Always remember you're not alone :)
I am on my phone so I've just popped on to let you know I've read and I care, I shall respond more when I get to my computer - including explaining hugs xx
Last edited by Snow White. : 17-07-2011 at 11:58 PM.
Okay the hugs are part of the forum, I'm not very good at explaining techy things so you can read about them here: What are "hugs"?.
You say you've previously identified the triggers - do you know what they are now? I wonder if seeing a new professional, without a CBT bent maybe if that wasn't helpful, might help you to manage and work through those triggers.
It's clear that as much as you are in a loving relationship (yay!) this eating disorder is harming your happiness and your health, and you deserve to get some support through that so you can live your life to the full. Imagine how good a relationship would be if you were happy with yourself too, wow! (I wouldn't know, so tell me what it's like when you get there, k? :D )
As for me, my name is Aimee, I've had eating problems for as long as I can remember but I struggle with the motivation to do much about them, in a healthy manner at least. I'm trying now though to get a meal plan going for myself. I once saw a dietician, have you ever seen one? Mine was really helpful in giving me a meal plan and also reassuring me I don't have to cut everything out in order to be looking after myself. Everything in moderation, as they say!
I identify a lot with what you said. I've been overweight or borderline overweight for most of my life and obese for most of the last 5 years and was always completely insecure and unhappy about it.
I also thought that being obese meant I couldn't have a relationship with a guy/girl (I'm bi), for a long time I even though that I didn't deserve to have one because of it.
Also, I've been doing CBT for about 2 years now and I find that I'm able to identify my patterns and the motivations behind them most of the times at this point. It's not as easy to do something to break them, but knowing why you're doing what you're doing helps me deal with the situation even if it's by being kinder to myself when I feel I can't do much about it, if you know what I mean.
I'm here to talk if you want to, feel free to PM me at all times. :)
Hope you have a good week
Mariana
Thank you so much for your post and sincere apologies for not replying earlier.
It's nice to know I'm not alone with these feelings, though as I mentioned in another reply, I'm sorry that you're suffering too. We're on the same page too with thinking about whether we deserve to be loved. Honestly, even though I'm happily married, I'm often still not sure I deserve the love I receive.....but I'm very glad I get it!!
Really glad the CBT seems to be working out for you. My experience with it was very limited and I certainly wouldn't base all my judgements on that. Being hard on myself is one of my many failings, as I find it hard to be kind to myself. Given that I'm now married and we want children, you'd think that would give me all the reasons I need to change, but.......
Thank you for the offer to talk & PM. Please feel free to do the same. I can't promise to be of any help, but I'll always listen :)
I just set up my account today. I'm Ramya. Garry, thank you so much for sharing...it's given me some courage to share about myself.
I struggle with binge eating, so much so that I have high cholesterol and high blood sugar (at 19). The news was really devastating to me, but it's so hard for me to change my eating patterns because there is an emotional connection.
I have gotten some help over my summer break from college, but I'm going back to school soon and am afraid that I'll fall back on my destructive behaviors.
Thank you for kind words, I'm very glad I was able to give you some encouragement to share.
I've never considered myself a binge eater but then everybody has their own definition of 'binge', and I fully accept I might be in denial. So sorry to hear that your cholesterol and blood sugars are too high but that can be reversed. I've been very lucky on that score, but do have high blood pressure.
Totally empathise with the emotional connection; I eat when I'm happy or sad, to celebrate or commiserate, or even when I'm bored!! Will there be any help available when you go back to college so you can continue the good work? This forum can't be a substitute for professional help but is always here for friendship & support.
