I SHOULD BE SHOT*update with better news*

pea soup · 12-07-2011, 09:35 PM

thats right. it just occurred to me.

9 years ago, i created an account for her on a dating site. she was happy with it. and HE found her. and worst of all...when he sent her a message, i told her abojut it and she was too shy to respond so i secretly did it for her. she found out that i did it soon after and we all laughed about it. if i hadnt have, she would have never met him for a date.

i feel like dying but i wont. however, i feel serious harm in store. i KNOW i deserve it and no one can argue that fact.

Laura2.0 · 12-07-2011, 10:02 PM

did you know what kind of person he was when you wrote that message?

~Grace~ · 12-07-2011, 10:37 PM

you dont know that she wouldnt have responded...it may have been a day or so later for her to get the courage, but i bet she would have...you dont know and because you dont know...you cannot blame yourself for what has happened. They met 9 years ago and i bet some of those years have been good. Our illnesses cause us to do things that we cant help, it causes us to be impulsive in different ways, it causes us to do things that we wouldnt normally do. Im not excusing him for what he did because i believe he was drunk...but even then, he was out of control and unfortunatly picked up a weapon which was threatening and dangerous to you all. He needs help with his drinking, he probably needs help mentaly and i would imagine your mum will need help too or some kind of support..it must have been a huge shock for her.

I am so so sorry this happened to you all, but you are not to blame for them meeting up. Please dont go down this path..it wont be good for you, thoughts get distorted and blame becomes ours and thats not the case for you.....i hope i make sense and i hope i havent offended

much love xxx

pea soup · 12-07-2011, 11:02 PM

mute.scream,

no, i had no idea that he was this type of person. he was very sweet and polite. i had no idea but still...

and theyhave had good times but no good time will make up for whats happening.

i know that when they have had fights,my mom goes into the attic(she has some of my dad's ashes there) and she talks to him as if it were his gravesite and she just needed to vent to him. im so afraid mike may destroy my dad's ashes and my mom will lose it.

thank you rowie...the path is already written rowie. i did it. this isnt distorted thinking. im guitly as sin and i will never be able to make it up to her or the rest of my family this is hurting.

im at an overwhelming low. i honestly want to break my ankle again. but kelly is here like a mother hen damnit.

~Grace~ · 12-07-2011, 11:10 PM

Im sorry, but i think youre wrong, ok you did what you did...but it was your moms choice to see him and to carry on seeing him and marrying him...all her choice. I wont argue with you...but your mom had choices along the way that you werent a part of. She could have stopped this relationship at any stage and she didnt because she felt safe and in love with him.

Something happened that night to turn him, drinking yes...but maybe more. maybe youll never know...but this wasnt your fault at all

Im glad kelly is there because i remember the guilt you felt not so long ago for breaking your ankle and id hate you to go through that guilt feeling again. You dont need to do this. You dont need to find a reason why this happened or who was to blame...accept it has happened and focus on keith and your mom and not the need to break your ankle because if you do that you will be helping neither of them xx

Pomegranate · 13-07-2011, 12:32 AM

I am impressed Rach! I never knew you had such super human, psychic powers of deduction!

NOBODY is bloody psychic and clicking a few buttons to set up an online account does not make you responsible for what happens in a relationship 10 years down the line. If your mum and step dad had had a beautiful child together would you be responsible or to thank for that? If they had 50 years of happy marriage, would that be because of your doing?

If you KNEW he was like that and that he would behave like this then yes, I could maybe see why you might be right in considering yourself partly responsible. Although even then simply clicking a couple of buttons would not make this situation totally your fault. Sometimes it is easier to make sense of complicated situations by putting the blame on yourself, by looking for some teeny tiny little detail that makes the whole thing you fault and because you are so used to doing that then it is easy to make that seem right.

IT IS NOT RIGHT THOUGH.

In some ways it is easier for you to believe it is and then mentally/emotionally/physically punish yourself for that because at least that is familiar, it is horrible but you are used to it and it makes sense.

Far harder is to accept that often things make no sense, they are confused, conveluted and complicated and there is nothing you can do about it. Unfortunately, more than not that is the truth.

What happened with your step dad was a mess, but not yours. If you choose to believe it is then so be it, it will not make your mum's pain, or yours or Keith's anxiety any less though. The only way to do that is for you to be strong and try and think logically.

*lots of hugs for all of you* xx

pea soup · 13-07-2011, 06:42 PM

thank you all very much.

i have spoken to my mom today and she is in good spirits. she is on the way taking Keith back home.

she spoke with her husband last night. he apologized for everything and told her he loved her. this incident was a rare occurrence and mom is going home tomorrow to discuss options. he cut her credit card off because his first wife (he's been married 3 times counting my mom) took all his money and left him with nothing. he was worried that she was angry and possibly do a little extra spending at his expense.

Anyhow..i know in my rational mind that i didnt cause this because i introduced them. yesterday was a hard day and i did what i always do because yes, it is is familiar and blaming myself is easier than blaming others plus it gives me an excuse to harm, but i havent since 2 nights ago.

kelly is gone to get some tacos for us. ive been on a hunger strike to help myself not harm for 2 days now and im sooo hungry! and im giving myself permission to eat today :)

however, i dont want my mom to get on a rollercoater of ups and downs with this man, so i am worried about that and i have a yucky migraine probably due to stress but it will be ok.

thanks for the kick up the butt Emmers, it was actually refreshing :)

love you guys.