I guess firstly, I should apologise. I am not sure whether this is the right place... so Sorry if it isn't.
I just wonder whether anyone else has experienced something similar, or might be able to at least understand what I'm about to say.
Before I was diagnosed with BPD, I was got into trouble a few times with the law. They put this down to just bad behaviour, and the fact I was young, and had "got in with the wrong crowd". My psychiatrist said the behaviour was probably as a result of the abuse I had suffered when I was younger.
Anyway, during therapy, I addressed all of this, and put plans in place so that I could try to move forward.
That was all well and good, and it works. Most of the time....
I've become much more aware of my actions and everything, and become much better at perceiving things, and thinking before doing anything.
I have noticed that I seem to try to get myself into trouble for no reason. It's like something takes over, and I know what I am doing isn't right, but I just can't stop myself. I don't want people to think that I am doing it for attention, because it really isn't. This seems to happen worse when I drive on my own. Like, the other night, it was late, I was driving home, and i just decided to drive in the middle of the road, went round a corner, and nearly had a head-on crash, with what turned out to be a police car.
I KNOW this was wrong, but why couldn't I stop myself. I'm not out to hurt anyone, not even myself. But it just seems like i've developed such destructive behavior, and i'm not too sure how.
I spoke to my GP to try and explain it, but he just said I needed to make sure I drive everywhere with someone in the car. <- Not always practical!
I tried to speak with the therapist, but she has wiped her hands of me since my therapy ended, and she said I wasn't entitled to anymore, as I had been seen already?!
I really hope someone has some understanding of what's going on, because I really dont!
