Hi,
I used to be on this forum a lot but backed away for a while. So my history is that I've been in the mental health system since I was 17 (now 22). I was originally diagnosed with depression, then bipolar, then schizoaffective, and a million others in between. Basically before I saw a psychiatrist, I had a lot of mood swings, to the point where I'd self injure. But the up swings weren't incredibly dangerous and even the down swings were bad, but I managed without seriously harming myself. It wasn't good, but I was very functional. They also seemed to be on a few week pattern.
But once a dr. diagnosed me with depression and gave me an anti-depressant, I got so much worse. I ended up in the hospital, and then they began giving me all sorts of medications, from mood stabilizers to anti-psychotics. I went from being a nearly straight A science student at a university to no job and on disability within a couple years. The meds never helped, so I finally stopped them, and realized they were actually making me much worse. I am now finishing up my degree in cell biology/genetics and work as a lab tech in a microbiology lab. Obviously I was not on the right meds if I needed them at all.
So most recently, the doctor I saw (I still go to my clinic even though I am not on meds), said he did not think i was ever bipolar, and that I really just have PMS (or PMDD, I don't think he really specified) as well as ADHD. Which makes sense, because even though I do well in school, I compensate for my distractibility like crazy. And I knew my mood swings were very cyclical, i just didn't relate it to my period. I get more up during my period and then towards the middle go on a depressive swing.
So the thing is, I still have mood swings related to my cycle, and I definitely agree with the ADHD. It's annoying and just makes life frustrating. I am still very functional, but it's draining. It is better if I completely avoid caffeine and exercise regularly, both which I try to do, but it still exists. The doctor has given me the option of going on Klonopin (the only drug I have ever been on which seems to help) along with a small dose of Ritalin. However, I'm extremely worried about going on any medication at all. After how much the misdiagnosis of depression and then bipolar, etc. nearly destroyed me mentally, I don't really trust medication in general. I mean I know that the bipolar meds probably screwed me up so bad because for one, it was not treating the hormonal disorder, two it was probably creating a chemical imbalance by altering chemicals that did not need altering, and three, the apathy created by many of those drugs made it impossible for me to control the adhd as I did before.
So if you have either of these or both, do you think it's better just to manage it with life style changes/techniques (as I already do and which is considered a valid medical option), or have you had a positive experience with medication? I'm already on a contraceptive, which is probably helping a bit from what he said. But I'm just so worried these medications are going to do what the others did. They literally made me unable to keep myself safe, gave me obsessive thoughts, created psychosis, and the crazy thing was I didn't even know it was the meds while I was on them. But after a few months of them out of my system, each time I stopped them, only the symptoms I have now remained. And I'm kinda afraid to "experiment" because they affected me so badly last time, and I'm in school which demands alot.
But on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if they'd make my life better, because the mood swings/attention issues really do bother me and make me work much harder than most people. The lifestyle changes only do so much. And if my routine is disrupted, I am stressed etc., which is some of what's going on now, it gets worse. I don't self harm anymore, but it does make me want to, because the depression and anxiety get so oppressive for that week or two. But, at least I am very able to do the things I want to do, which is better than when I was on the other meds. But it's by forcing myself and having an intense drive that I am able to push myself regardless of my mood swings.
What would you do if it was you? Have you had any experiences with this? It's totally up to me, my doctor isn't saying I have to, so I'm really torn on what to do. I know you can't tell me what to do, but I would like opinions and experiences.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
My doc also thinks I have ADHD and prescribed me some dextroamphetamine. I also used to take this stuff when I was in elementary school. In general it made me more tense, and it causes dysphoria when it wears off. Ritalin is slightly different and is slightly weaker, but the idea is still the same. Anyways, unlike other psychiatric meds, the effect of a stimulant should be noticeable immediatly, so you can try it, and then stop if it makes things worse. Anyways, I only took it on certain days, which kind of depended on what I was doing that day. Sometimes, I just couldn't read through something without getting distracted, and meds can help with that.
That's good to know that the effect is immediate. With the other ones, it was sometimes immediate and sometimes took months to cause adverse reactions. So that's helpful information. Being tense is bad for me because of anxiety, but I imagine if I choose to take klonopin on a regular basis, it would probably mitigate that. I guess anti-anxieties also help with PMS/PMDD which I did not know before. (I've been looking up everything the dr. said to make sure it made sense since I've had such other bad experiences). Thank you for replying, more information helps. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm self-diagnosing or anything, my dr. has suggested all this. And it's not as though I have to do it, I just have the option if it helps me. I just want to make sure I am thorough in researching his suggestions before choosing to act upon them as I've had such horrible experiences with misdiagnosis. I'm curious, did the stimulant give you any physical side effects? I haven't seen a ton online, but with some of my past ones they did stuff like raise cholesterol, lower white blood cell count, etc. Also does it wear off before your next dose, in reference to the dysphoria? I know everyone is different, but I was just wondering. I am encouraged by the idea that I would know immediately so could make a more accurate decision.
Any other people have experiences/opinions?
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
First of all, I'd like to say that I know the problem. Though not in the exact same way as you do (I highly doubt I was misdiagnosed)..
As for my experiences.. I was diagnosed with ADD at 13, and put on Ritalin a few weeks after the diagnosis was set. I was on that for four years, not noticing any particular mood swings. When they took me off Ritalin last summer, I'd learned through thought and work patterns how to not get distracted as easily (what really happened, I believe, is that the medication changed some connections inside my brain, making them more "correct"). It's still very hard to work and stay focused, but I can do it now.
But not very long after they took me off Ritalin, I started getting intense mood swings (I more or less dropped out of school because I couldn't work). My (now former) psychologist believes I've got some sort of bipolar disorder, and put me on a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) in October. It didn't really work, and the docs kept increasing the dose. Now the taste of that medication's really making me sick and I can't bear to take it.. So I haven't in a while. The mood swings are killing me, and all the answers I get sound like "wait for your doctor to return from their vacation." I do not want to be admitted to a hospital. Ever. I feel that would seriously **** my mind up.
I don't know how helpful this is to you, but... Hey.
Everything you need is around you.
The only danger is inside you.
So punch another pillow, to make the pain a little less.
And run another race, to make the pace a little faster.
Use another knife, to make the cut a little deeper.
Then shed another tear, to make reality a little truer.
I have PMDD as well, although I don't have ADHD. My advice would be to try an extended cycle type contraceptive, because they keep your hormones more level for longer than the regular, monthly cycle do. I'd also advise maybe trying to find an antidepressant that works for you, because although mine was prescribed for anxiety, it helped tons with the mood swings (and there were times my swings would make me literally want to die). I understand that you're cautious to try medicine again, so maybe if you decide to, share that experience with the prescriber, and work closely with them to monitor how you're doing. As for the ADHD, my brother has ADD, and has some success with medicine and counseling, but I don't know so much about that. Best of luck. :)
