Nobody understands

[beautifulfreak]

I posted this in the rant section last night without realising that nobody replies in there. So here it is again.

[rant]I finally confided in my husband that I was self-harming and it was scaring me how out of control I felt. His response? Was to MOCK me! He said, "Ooohhh I need to cut myself on the outside to show that I'm hurting on the inside, oh boo hooo!". That's not what it's about at all! It's just stress relief. It's just that I need some relief from the **** inside. Be it anxiety / anger / stress / sleep deprivation... It's just something that lets it all out so that I can get on with the day. No I know it's not good. Yes I want to stop but I think I need help to be able to do that. Obviously I looked in the wrong place when turning to my husband!

I tried my closest friend... who made a comment about how she has no sympathy for people who say they want to die. I'm not suicidal! Far from it! I explained this and she just said something about there being better ways to get attention I'm not looking for attention! Frellinghell! How hard is it to get some understanding?

I pointed out that I cut on my upper thighs so that nobody will see and have had this as a secret for a number of months now... to which she replied that, as I was telling her about it, I was looking for attention.

What has a girl got to do simply to get a hug and a point in the right direction to get some help to stop doing this? I don't know where to turn now, I really don't.

I don't want to go to my GP as I have children and I'm so worried that they'll think I'm unfit as their mother or get social services involved or something and I am NOT any risk AT ALL to my children and never cut myself deep enough to be a risk to myself.

It's just a little bit of stress relief. I don't mean to justify it as I know it's not healthy and I do want to stop, but I just feel so lost and don't know how to go about this now. In fact this has made me even MORE stressed and I've had no support from those I trusted most. To the contrary I am now finding it even HARDER to keep from self-harming.[/rant]

[sleepykitty]

It must be very hard not getting the support you need from those closest to you.

It is hard for those with no experience of SI to understand and sympathise, and they often say the wrong thing with the right intentions. I've found some of the things friends have said quite triggering, as they make me want to prove that it's not just attention seeking or superficial.

Don't let their lack of understanding cause you to hurt yourself more. People on here know what it's like, so do share, vent, rant here.

Hugs,

K xoxo

[Margo]

Hello and welcome to Vets. Love the name: one of my favorite songs!

Anyhoo......I would say that your husbands reaction was one of fear and his response to his fear was to mock. Its a fairly common reaction. We often mock what we dont understand or are afraid of. your friends reaction was indicative of most peoples also.

Their reactions, although hurtful and non helpful are quite normal and i would argue, healthy! We are designed to avoid pain and death and flippant off the cuff remarks are part of our defences. THIS is why there are sites like this one so that you can talk to people who really do understand and know what its like.

In my own experience what i have found works best is education! It is down to you to try and educate those around you. Now you may not know much about your feelings or illness to relay this but there are tonnes of sites with info and books that deal with this. The NHS also provide documentation for friends and families who suffer from depression and or who self harm, a long with pretty much every opther kind of mental illness. By simply googling self harm information and nhs you will find documents that can be easily printed.

Pretty much all of us here have hidden what we do. For many of us it took years to actually show our families and friends the scars. I would hazzard a guess that seldom does anyone actually see the fresh wounds. You are so not alone with this. Of course you are not doing it for attention in the normal sense like you would if you were screaming and shouting, but all of us without exception are seeking some form of attention from this. sadly the attention needed goes much deeper than just a hug or a pat on the back.

I can imagine you are feeling really alone and a bit unloved right now. Thats natural. Its perhaps the most painful part of self harm, having little or no one who understands. Its why its kept a secret and its why so many of us become isolated.

I would strongly advise talking to your GP. The mums here will tell you that it is highly unlikely social services will be called! there are thousands of depressed mums out there, who are finding it hard to cope but who do not present a risk to their children. The NHS and doctors know this.

Also feeling suicidal doesnt mean you are going to kill yourself. Suicidal thoughts can often be the culmination of extreme despair and hopelessness. The feelings can represent the ultimate escape from a seemingly impossible tangle of **** that we find ourselves in. From my own experience i can tell you that feeling suicidal is not a weakness but an indication of a deepening depression and something that needs to be dealt with by professionals.

You can find lots of hugs on this site too.

You need to get this under control ASAP and this mean getting help. This means research and sharing of information.

One of the best ways to introduce people to self harm is to show them the lists of all the famous people who have self harmed! When people see the likes of Angelina Jolie and Kelly Holmes and Colin Farrel have hqarmed on one way or another it can make people realise that this thing doesnt descriminate.

Make a gps appointment, have a hug and good luck!

[~Grace~]

Hi and welcome!
Im sorry things are difficult at the moment. It hurts when we reach out and theres nothing there. Im married with children. My doctor told my husband that I selfharmed about 5 years ago...weve never had a conversation about it since...he takes me to a and e if i need to go...but its his way of dealing with it. And I guess what im trying to say is your husband dealt with it by making comments that hurt....how is he now? has he talked anymore about it, or gone quiet? I bought my husband a book about my diagnosis which helped him to understand a bit more, but he still doesnt talk about it..its a very isolated place to be. He gives me hugs when hes sees that im down or if i ask. Maybe try talking to him again or get some info for him to read like matthew said.

As for social services, I have been involved with them once about three years ago. Id been admitted to hospital and had written about a deam i had..the staff there took it to be a letter id written about killing one of my children....she was 13 at the time. The social services came and chatted to me and then my daughter...and that was it. Never heard from them again. They wont become involved purely because of your harming.

I think you need to see your doctor and get some help and a support system set up for you

sending you a hug xx

[tifflehan]

Hi, I'm a wife and parent so I know how hard it to ask for help from docs. But at the end of the day, if you don't ask you don't get. Getting help is the best thing you can do and will help to make you a stronger person for yourself and your family.
My first husband tried many "bully tactics" to get me to stop. Never worked. My now husband accepts me for what and who I am, although he does get hurt when I self harm, so I still hide what I can.
I know how it feels to reach out for support, and there is none. One thing I have found though, this site. It helps me reach out and get help and comfort when I need it, and hopefully give some back. We are always here!!!

[3nicky1]

I'd reiterate what people have said, talk to your GP, its very unlikely social services would get involved and if they did it would be to find you support, they wouldnt want to remove children for self harm/depression unless you literally couldnt care for them.