I went through a pretty serious stint from the ages of 10-13 as a heavy cutter. I had some typical white kid in the suburb issues, and maybe some more severe problems, but needless to say, my teenage years weren't that bad in the scheme of things.
I'm 25 now, and needless to say I am a very different person, with a very different outlook than when I was a preteen. The problem is that the scars you create now, when everything feels so hopeless are still going to be with you when you're at a different stage in your life.
The lies I've told about what happened to my arms have varied from the blunt truth to absolutely silly lies. "dog attack", "burns from working in kitchens", "skin disease", "childhood injury", ect. No one believes it, and why would they? Both of my forearms are a lattice work of straight fine white scars. And even after over a decade, it's still VERY visible.
I wish I could go back and explain to myself as a child that just because you can wear a hoodie now, and hide in your room ignoring the problem doesn't mean that 10 years down the line you wont have to go about your life just like anyone else. I have to wear short sleeves at work, and having clients ask about these scars every day wares on you after awhile and effects your reputation professionally
Currently I'm looking into getting full sleeve tattoos done (at great expense) just so the scars wont hold me back anymore. The irony is hilarious.
Is anyone else here in a similar boat? I'm probably in the wrong place. I'll never revert back to cutting. The sight of blood these days makes me faint. I just would love some advice from some older folks who can shed some light on how to interact with awkward questions about my scars? Or, anyone have any luck tattooing over these ugly marks?
I'm 27 and I do know what you are talking about. I still struggle today but I don't think that I will ever cut on my arms again. Summer is the worst time. I have a lot of bad scars on my arms that will never go away and I would send the same message to young people: Please don't start! I work on a adolescent psychiatric unit of a hospital and professionally I just can't wear short sleeves. Instead of coworkers asking about my scars they are asking: Why the hell are you wearing a sweater in the middle of summer? as sweat pours down my face. I don't know what to tell them. I am having a problem right now because I start a new internship in the fall and I can't buy new clothes right now because it is summer.I have not come up with any good stories yet. I used to tell the kids at my old job that I just didn't want to talk about it.
I know how awkward it seems to have to avoid wearing short sleeves. At all times when I am not in my home I must as I do not want to reveal my imperfections to the world. I say this in the sense that in an imperfect moment I acted irrationally and now I have the scars because of said actions. I can manage the weather and being hotter than everyone else in my long sleeves but what I can't bear is having to explain myself to curious people. At times people make jokes about self harm and suicide but its a serious matter. Not everyone knows how to cope every moment of the day. I am no better as I made the same jokes that I now cringe at.
You should be proud of yourself for persevering and pulling yourself up from such disabling depths. I have learned that you should never allow the past to keep you from your future. I will be looking into seeing a dermatologist myself or as a last resort do the whole tattoo sleeve thing too.
Though you may hide your scars from others always remember the reason why they are there so that you may feel enlightened and hopefully never SI again.
The sun fails to be recognized upon a mourning spell, to suffer through tragedy assures the heart strength
To spend our each moment chasing a final sleep does life disservice as the dead envy our every breath,
Breathe as you loiter in the privacy of hate
Know light is the remedy for a trivial fate
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
side note i will always be proud of my scars and will talk to anyone who wants to know the reasons why...... coz every cut brought me one step closer to the stronger person i am today! x
I have scars all over my arm and as a result, I have to wear long sleeves the whole year round.
In my job, I CANNOT show them otherwise I'd probably be kicked out the door because I'd be judged as 'unsuitable'! The only person who knows I did anything is my hubby. Not even my parents know, even to this day. I've tried Bio-oil, didn't work. I think my scars are too thick and pronounced for that to make a difference. Also, because I have brown skin, the silvery scars are SO obvious!
Seeing my scars every day makes me sad. Sad that I felt I had no other way to cope than to hurt myself even more than I was hurting already. I've spent years being ashamed of them and trying to hide them by covering up all the time. The fact that we feel that we have to be ashamed of our past and the marks it left us with is as sad as the scars themselves. We may regret now what we did back then, but we did what we did for a reason and it helped us to survive a difficult time in our lives, whether or not we would make the same choices now looking back. I've gotten to the point that I just ignore them and I don't try to hide them any more. For the most part I've found that the more relaxed I am about it, the less people seem to notice or comment/stare. I know that this isn't always possible though and that there are situations and jobs that make it impossible for us to stop trying to hide the scars. I've found that Dermatix gel used over a long period of time is really helpful in making scars less noticable, but it's not a cure and it's really expensive unless you can get it on prescription. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo over some of mine, but you need to talk to the tattooist first to make sure it's going to work as scar tissue doesn't take ink as well as normal skin tissue.
RBT x
I give myself very good advice
But I very seldom follow it
Could explain the trouble that I'm always in...
Perhaps tell people they're battle scars?
:D
You wouldn't really be lying then - I for one see my scars as remnants of my battle with cutting so I actually don't mind them. To be honest though, they've faded surprisingly fast since i quit two years ago, lucky me.
Do people really ask about them that often? I've only once been asked about them lately, and that was a drunk workmate. In the end, they're just proof you're stronger than ever and you beat something most people dont have to deal with. It'd be pretty obvious that there arent any recent ones, so its unlikely people would group you with current cutters..
If you have more serious scaring called 'Keloid' scaring you can get them removed or treated. I've never tried this but I also wonder in fake tan cream would help? clearly scars don't tan but maybe the cream would help them to become less visible.
it's been 21 months for me, I only have a few scars on my arms, but one bad Keloid scar and I get asked about it all the time. I've just settled to saying I don't know, and saying its that bad from infection. I've kinda chosen to ignore my scars and wear what I want but it is really frustrating when people spend a lot of time asking you about scars.
