I guess I just need some support. I live with my partner, Michael, and he has DID. Last night, he went to spend the night with at his mother's so he could play his sax (he can't in our apartment, because we live in a heavily populated area).
Anyway, he was IMing me about his alter. He was drunk. He kept saying he wanted to jump off of a bridge, and although I know he won't do that as he's made it clear that although sometimes he wants to die, he's not one for suicide, it scares me.
We don't really ever talk about his alter. But we were. Lucian has been around at least since Mike was 7 or 8. And a lot of times he is around when I'm at work. He doesn't like me. He likes Michael's abusive ex. I don't know.
There's also the fact Mike and I roleplay. I was guided by my therapist to develop an "intentional split" to get things I could find in myself otherwise, that created my character Shadow. I disociate a bit when she's around, but not completely, like an alter. Well, Mike has a few characters like that, as well. He feels like one of them is becoming more like Lucian.
I don't know. I'm worried. I don't know what to do other than be honest and suggest he go back to therapy. Which he won't, because Lucian was hospitalized against his will when he was younger and abused there. He's also afraid any therapist he might see will be transphobic or think he's crazy.
I don't know. I know his freak out tonight was mostly because he's drunk. But how do I support him through this? He's obviously going through more than he normally admits.
I think the best thing would just to be there for him as much as you can, let him know that you care and try to maybe gently suggest therapy - you could maybe offer to go with him to make it easier/support him?
Sorry I don't have more advice for you.
xxx
Some Things There Are No Words For, Only Shoulders To Lean On. Hands To Hold On To. And Hugs To Comfort You, As Best They Can.
Buttons - you make me proud.
MeaCulpa - It will never be your fault.
Everyone - Whatever you need to hear.
I think the most important thing is to let him know that you are there for him, and that you will not judge him. That you care, and want to help him.
As stated above, it is a good idea to suggest therapy to him, but also to speak to him about whether anything happened while he was at his mother's that may have triggered his reaction. It could be that he needs someone to listen.
Do you know why his alter does not like you?
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
lovehatetragedy: Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. I'm not sure whether going with him would help or hinder. I'll have to ask him.
Roibin: We spent a long time talking about it. It was seeing Milk of Magnesia in the drug store, which triggered a memory of his alter that he can't remember, if that makes sense.
His alter doesn't like me because he has feelings for my partner's abusive ex. And because he wasn't around a lot when we first moved in together, so suddenly for him, he went from living with their abusive partner and family he knew how to deal with, to living with me, a mere acquaintance, in a new neighborhood. Which is huge and understandable. It just makes things hard.
It sounds like he has a lot of memories and emotions that have been blocked for some reason or another, I don't know how much of an issue this is but maybe you could talk to him about it?
I hope he manages to get some therapy eventually although it may take time for him to become comfortable talking.
Would it be possible for you to explain to his alter that you understand his feelings, but want to get to know him better so maybe you could both feel better about it?
xxx
Some Things There Are No Words For, Only Shoulders To Lean On. Hands To Hold On To. And Hugs To Comfort You, As Best They Can.
Buttons - you make me proud.
MeaCulpa - It will never be your fault.
Everyone - Whatever you need to hear.
Guardian, she's not trying to induce DID. She's not pushing me to develop full-blown alters, but rather embody things I have trouble expressing in like... roleplaying characters. I am very close to my characters-- they're much different from alters, and they've helped me a great deal. She has explained it to me as on the spectrum with DID-- way at the minor end that everyone has-- like the way you act different at work versus at home-- where DID is on the extreme end of the spectrum.
lovehatetragedy, we're working on it. I am rarely home when his alter is around. My partner and I have been talking about it, though. He's beginning to understand that DID isn't what its stigma makes it out to be, and that if he can function well in a system, there's nothing wrong with that. That's a huge step. I'm going to try and talk to his alter when I see him next. And yes, there is a ton my partner has blocked out-- he was badly abused as a child. He also cannot remember anything from when his alter is in control.
