Crisis team promise

[Flyingfree]

I phoned the crisis team. I have been OP i.e not in hospital for two months. He told me he wanted someone to come and see me tomorrow (Sunday) to assess how things were. I said no because I was terrified he would speak to my care co-ordinator. He said if I promised not to self harm then he would keep our conversation off the record and not tell my social worker or make me see anyone Sunday. Is he telling the truth or will he have to tell someone/update? He bhas my deails. Thanks.

[DJR]

Dont you like your care co ordinator? What will happen if he/ she is told?

Deb xxxxxx

[roiben]

If you are at risk he needs to let other members of his team know so that they can provide the correct care for you. He should inform you of this if he needs to from anything you say to him. Therefore from the moment he makes that promise to you, should you say anything that would put you at risk, he would need to change that statement to explain that he needs to take specific information to his colleague before he does so.

What is it about your care-cordinator knowing how you are worries you? Their job is to help you and, if you are in crisis I think it is important that they know this so that they can adjust the level of care they are providing you.

Roiben x

[random.swirls]

Im just wondering whether he would have to update your notes and if so are the notes held by the crisis team the same as though accessed by your care coordinator?

However, if things are bad enough that you are phoning the crisis team I am wondering why you dont want your care coordinator to know?

[Flyingfree]

Thanks for the replies. It turns out he did update my notes and sent a message to my care co-ordinator as well. I guess I don't want her to know because I had lied to her in order because part of me wanted less 'supervision'. I know that is stupid but I am really struggling to figure out what is right and what isn't. I am ok. Most of the time I just about manage. I guess I am scared of talking to her because some of the things I think and feel just seem so weird and I am not used to them but at the same time I am supposed to be strong, supposed to be moving forwards properly for the first time in ages. I don't understand how for a large part of time I can feel down (I hesitate to say depressed) but still coping a lot better than before and yet at the same time I am having periods where I literally feel like I am 'losing the plot'. Like I don't even know what is real and what is not. I don't feel in danger from self harm etc which is what I can just about cope with. Instead other people and forces seem to take over and I can't control them and they are trying to hurt me. At the same time that clashes with my self harm thoughts. If other people want to harm me then why stop them and be scared? The answer? I don't know. All I know is it challenges reality too much and I don't know how to cope with it. I hate feeling out of control.

I don't know if this is part of 'recovery' or whether that is a lie in itself or whether I am going mental, or maybe I just have a special mission in life. I know that sounds 'crazy' but I've always been 'different'. What if I am supposed to unlock a truth nobody else, or very few others can? But if I am WRONG then I could do something really bad. I am pretty sure I am wrong. I must be. Surely that should make all this easier to decipher and silence though but it doesn't! I don't know what I should be doing.

All I know is that my 'care co-ordinator' and more than half of my friends and family think I am doing so well in some respects. I'm not going to act on the thoughts. I am scared though that they will take over. I don't even mind as such. Well I do. I think. I'm not sure. I just want to be certain. I Hate this.

See....then I move back to the self destructive thoughts. None of it makes sense. I am supposed to be 'taking responsibility' and getting better. How can I screw it up? Why can't I do what everyone wants?