and now they finally know...**UPDATED - NEED HELP AGAIN - UPDATED 13.07**
Okay, I don't really know what I'm wanting from this thread...support? advice? to know other people feel this way?
Better start from the beginning I guess;
Last week was a very low week for me...to the point I was struggling to leave the house at times because of my anxiety. I still went into work but by Wednesday things came to a head and I had to explain to my manager how much I was struggling. Mainly because I work in a call centre and when my anxiety really plays up I struggle to be on the phones. Anyway, now he's really worried about me (which FYI I absolutely HATE because I don't want people to worry). He wants me to go to the doctors which I've been thinking about recently anyway because I've put up with these thoughts/feelings for too long and right now they're unbearable. I keep driving to work but I zone out just imagining all the places along the way I could drive my car off the road. Or into oncoming traffic. I'm not sleeping barely at all at the moment, probably 1-2 hours a night, if that. Even after a 10 hour shift I'll still not sleep. I'm not eating or taking my medication for my diabetes properly...I just can't bring myself to take medication when it's keeping me alive. I take the bare minimum to survive. I keep trying to get myself back on the right track but then I just wonder what the point is?
Anyway, I'll stop rambling and get to the point, I'm planning on booking an appointment at the Dr's on Wed (I can only book on the day) and I've got a letter I've written (bullet points of what's going on) but I don't really know what to say? Or what to expect? Or what they'll ask? I'm absolutely terrified and would just like some reassurance that this is the right thing to do I guess?
Any support would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry for the long post.
Thanks
x K x
Last edited by Heaven Knows : 13-07-2011 at 01:34 AM.
this is absolutely the right thing. no one wants you to be worried or barely staying alive. I know it is scary as heck for the first appointment but they will probably want to get to know you so they can do what is best for you so you can go frolicking in the flowers! hope this helps?
There is magic in theatre and the theatre is magic
I am glad you are going to get an appointment - it is an incredibly brave thing to do. It is also the right thing to do, you need support right now as you can see that things can not continue the way they are and your GP should be able to offer you some of that support.
I think discussing things with your manager was a good thing, it sounds like they are concerned for your well being and so are looking at what they can do/advise to help you. Going to the Dr will help with this and your work may ask you to speak to an Occupational Health advisor, who will look at what work can do to help you (rest breaks, counselling, less hours if needed) so that they can be sure you are safe to be in work.
Do keep reaching out for help and support and let us know how your appointment goes.
Be gentle with yourself.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
hello reading what you wrote sounded exactly like me, i think about the car thing when im driving no sleep, i have recently told my manager and they also said there very worried about me.
Its a good thing you did really they will now be aware of problems you may face. I think its a good idea you go to your doctor explain whats happening, you know were all here for you sometimes you just need people to understand and we do.
pm me if you ever want to talk i know what your feeling right now xxx
Hi all,
Thank you all so much for the replies. It really does help.
I'm so terrified about tomorrow. I'm just scared that...I don't know they'll not believe me or I won't be able to explain how much this is affecting my everyday life. I guess I'm just worried I'll mess it up like I do everything else. It's also made my paranoia a hell of a lot worse...everytime I see my manager talking to someone from HR I freak out it's about me. Whenever he seems to be heading over to my desk I'm scared he wants to talk to me. I just hate people knowing I'm struggling and not knowing what they're going to do with that information. I just have no idea what to say when I go into my GP's tomorrow. Like I said, I've written bullett points of how I'm feeling etc, I just don't know how to start the appointment off. Anyone got any tips? Again, thank you so much for the replies.
x K x
GPs deal with a lot of mental health problems lately so youre not going to be the only one he/she has dealt with. i know it will be strange and you will probably be nervous but its nothing to worry about, theyll just ask you questions and talk with you about the symptoms youve been having. im guessing youve already seen your doctor by now, hope it went well and you got the answers you need :) xx
Thank you for your reply.
I've got the appointment tomorrow. I can only book them on the day and my DR hasn't been in this week until tomorrow.
You're post helped a little with the nerves.
Thanks x
When I had a difficult thing to talk about with my GP, I wrote it all down like you did. And then when I walked into the room I just handed over the piece of paper and didn't look at him until he'd finished reading and started asking me questions to clarify what I'd written.
So you could do that. Or maybe say "I've been having difficulties in life right now, here's a list of them" *hand over list*
It's up to you really. But good luck with it.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Thanks for the replies guys.
I just went in and said I was useless at explaining things so I've written it down. Handed him the letter then he asked the questions.
I've been put on anti-depressants and referred to the psychiatrist and to see my GP often to keep track of the complications with my diabetes.
I've got to go back to see him on the 6th =/
I told my manager how it went and what I was prescribed and he said he had to tell the HR department at work and would I be okay if they wrote to my Dr's...? I don't really know why they need to or what they're going to say to each other which is making my paranoia a lot worse.
Thanks for the support though.
x K x
Last edited by Heaven Knows : 23-06-2011 at 01:53 AM.
I'm really glad you made it to the doctors and managed to speak to him about these difficulties and that he's started to help you. I think you were really brave to go in there.
I think they contact your Dr to get an 'official' record of what you're on, and possibly how this might affect your work and how they could better support you? I'm not sure, I've not really been in that situation before, but that would be the most logical reason for them contacting the GP that I can think of.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
They will need to get an update on your fitness to work from your GP. This is a formality and nothing to worry about - it is just a confirmation of what you have told them.
It sounds like they may ask for you to meet with the Occupational Health Dr. Again, this is formality and is part of HR regulation, to make sure you are safe and fit to work. By this, I do not mean that you are unable to do your job, rather to see if there are any ways work could be supporting you under the Access to Work scheme so that you are not put at risk by any stress at work.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
hi again. I guess if it's just a formality then there's nothing to worry about. It's all just making me so nervous at work. Thanks for the replies though they've really helped me through this week. I don't think i would have been able to go in there without you guys xxx
Hi All,
Sorry to reopen this thread but I feel bad spamming the forum with questions I'm too stupid to know the answer to.
So...I got a letter through from the MH team which my GP have referred me to. So I have an assessment with them tomorrow. I'm at my wits end. I have a GP appointment on Wednesday and I thought the psych stuff would take ages to come through...at least I thought I could talk to my GP about what's going to happen there...but now. I've been paniking all day. Not been on the phones at work. My throat felt like it was closing up everytime I tought about tomorrrow. I'm now also looking at losing my job even more because of this. Can work even do that? I dunnno. Sorry, I'm rambing. *deep breath*
My question(s) is this;
1) What will happen at the first psych appointment?
2) Can work sack me for anxiety issues...when I've proven I can do my job in another way and I'm getting help?
3) What's the general reaction if a GP finds out you have a plan?
Sorry. I want help I'm just so damn terrified. The one person I thought I could talk to about this is ignoring me and has her own **** to deal with. So here I am. Very close to cutting because I'm so anxious about tomorrow.
Help? Someone?
x K x
Hey, the first appointment will be an assessment of your needs and state of mind, there might be a duty nurse there as well. (there was on mine). It's going to be exactly the same as explaining to the GP, if you find writing to explain easier do that again. The best thing to do is think about what you want from them. The psychiatrist can then refer you to other services to help you with your problems, and adjust your medication if he feels its necessary.
Don't worry about work, its illegal for them to fire you for mh problems. They wouldn't do it because its problematic, and you could take them to tribunal and can sue for a lot of money. MH issues have the same status as a physical disability.
I dunno if this helps any, don't worry about tommorow, at the end of the day they are there to help you, so I would write down the things you need help with, be honest about how your feeling, tell them everything, and they will be able to help. It's very much the same as seeing your GP.
hello sorry your in a bad way but from my experience i will try and help you:
1. the first psych appoinment was abit scary you just sit in a room and they asked questions and you basically just answer honestly how you feel what makes you down/ anxious etc, then they discuss wheter they can help you and usually write to you. But its fine it will be over before you know it!
2.work cant sack you, you have informed them of your health and you are getting help, its there duty to make reasonable adjustments to your work. There is a disability act mh falls under so they would be breaking the law if they did they have no grounds for it.
3.when my gp found out i had a plan he just said come and see me in 2 weeks and gave me a med, but then he reffered me to cmht, there is not much they can do, only steer you in the direction of help which is what your assesment it.
Firstly, you've made a couple of really huge steps forward. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you really have. You're doing great so far.
Secondly, a psych appt is very much the same as that GP appt, just longer. They'll ask you for symptoms and how you feel; how you're coping at work; what you expect from them (e.g - what would help you); discuss your meds; maybe refer you to a more specialised clinic or give you leaflets about anything they diagnose, or charities you could turn to for extra help... I've seen five psychs and been to an eating disorder clinic. At the psychs, the first time, I saw a psych and a MH nurse and they diagnosed depression, anxiety and OCD. Oh and social anxiety. It lasted about an hour. I'd written things down, and then we went over my notes together and both professionals asked me things. They gave me some leaflets and numbers to phone. Through those leaflets, I got my counsellor and my support worker. Then that afternoon at home, I had a call from the psych to confirm her diagnoses, as she'd wanted to check something with her superior. Then I got asked to go back to see the superior, who was also accompanied by a MH nurse. They then discharged me from their clinic, as I had meds, a counsellor and a support worker then. I got quite bad again, got rereferred, saw a different psych and MH nurse, and it was just a review, updating their notes, checking up on meds etc. Discharged again. Re-referred again. So the fourth time, different staff again (I hated this, but apparently that's just how it is); and I got given a self-referral form for the eating disorder clinic. And another round of being discharged and re-referred, and the last time I got the Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis and some leaflets on that. Discharged again. And since then my GP has been managing everything, although they keep wanting to refer me back again, but I can't be bothered any more lol. (BUT MH care in my area is NOTORIOUSLY bad).
Work can't sack you - it's illegal and they will get in so much trouble and lose so much money. You may be signed off sick by your GP if you're considered not well enough to work. You can discuss if you're not coping at work with drs - I recommend it. I got signed off in Feb 2008, and I'm still signed off. I didn't get fired, but after six months, my SSP ran out (sick pay thing). At that point there was no way I'd be able to go back to work, despite several discussions with work about how they could make it easier for me. So then I went on Incapacity Benefit, and gave up work.
When I've been suicidal, my GP has just given me less meds. Like, a weeks worth and then I had to go back for a review. But if/when hospital admission comes up, I will do anything to get out of it. I know some people's GPs do a kind of contract system. I'm not sure how that works, but there's bound to be someone here who has had experience of that.
I recommend getting in touch with your local branch of Mind and/or Rethink.
Thanks for the replies guys.
You've all helped a hell of a lot.
I'm so scared about tomorrow and what it's going to lead onto. I haven't slept for 2 nights now. I'm shattered and just want to curl up and hide.
I don't know why but I'm really struggling to tell my boyfriend about any of this. He knows nothing about it. I don't even know why.
I'm just so damn stressed.
Thanks again though
x K x
P.S. I will reply a little better when I have more words and my mind isn't such a mess. Sorry.
Hey Katie
I don't have much to add but I just wanted to drop in and wish you good luck for tomorrow. I know psych assessments and such are really scary, but I also know that you're brave and strong and you can do it. Try if you can to just focus on one thing at a time, getting through and coping with things in smaller bits, hours or days at a time instead of worrying about everything all at once. As others have said, try and be as honest as you can in your appointment, they are there to help you and the more you can let them in and tell them about what's been going on for you the better they can figure out what will help you the most. It's such a brave step to reach out for help, you should be proud of yourself. I hope you manage to stay safe and get some sleep, let us know how it goes. *hugs*
Some of us fall by the wayside
Some of us soar to the stars
Some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars
Okay, my brain is functioning a little better right now so I'm actually gonna reply.
Well, it's all over for today (just my GP appointment for tomorrow). It went...different. I'm still not sure it was good or bad. I was mostly honest with him. He asked A LOT of questions and I didn't really know what to say a lot of the time but it was okay mostly.
The one thing that did bother me was that I was VERY triggered afterwards...when we were talking about suicidal feelings etc, he was very...blunt and basically kept saying things that gave me ideas (almost? dunno if that makes sense). He also said he would like the other psych to see me 'sooner rather than later' - I so badly wanted to ask why he phrased it like that? I dunno...I think I'm just paranoid about everything at the moment so I'm starting to twist what he was saying. Anyway, he's going to call me later in the week to see how I'm getting on and to check I'm 'safe'. Bah. I wanted to thank you all for your replies and for sharing your experiences, it meant a lot last night when I was REALLY freaking out. I'm not sure what's happening with work at the moment, I have to talk to my manager after tomorrow's appointment with my GP but it's after work so I'll be talking to him on thursday if he's around. I'm just scared because being on the phone is terrifying to me right now...but I work in a call centre and that's kinda...the job. I do write email's as well which is what I've been on this week but my manager's made it clear I can't be on them all the time. So, I'm not really fit for the job, am I? I dunno. I'm just worried they're going to end up saying I need to leave and I'll be ****ed because we berely make ends meet as it is. Anyway, like I said, that's all on Thursday.
I have to admit, I didn't really explain about how much my anxiety is playing up. At the moment it takes me on average 20-30 minutes to leave the house at any point then if I get into my car I have to go through it again to get out of there. It's a nightmare. I've even started to feel really dizzy with panic and nearly collasped this morning because of my breathing. I might mention this to my GP though, see what he says.
Sorry about this rambling post, I guess I'm just trying to remain open and honest otherwise I'll close up again and all will be lost.
I thank you all again for the replies. I appreciate the support so much.
<3 x K x
