Really up and down?

[I Fall Mute]

This is getting frustrating. My depression is going every which way lately. One minute I'll be so terrified for no reason, I feel like I'm having a panic attack, then literally a few minutes later I'm calm and fine.. and one minute I'll be so depressed and antisocial and just low that my suicidal thoughts are coming back a lot.. but then not long afterward I'm fine and I'll even be in a really good mood. I just found out who my roommates are for college and I go from feeling terrified and scared and nervous to being so excited and happy about it. It's just getting confusing and I'm not even sure how I feel about anything anymore.

Plus I keep having these weird thoughts and I've hallucinated a few times recently, moreso than usual and it's making me nervous..

(note: I don't have a therapist, nor have I been to a doctor fully about this (I'm going to go as soon as I have health insurance again) and I'm taking supplements for anxiety and depression (st john's wort, fish oil, SAMe))

[roiben]

It sounds like you are going through a time of change and stress. That is going to be having an effect on your mood - We often provide ourselves with stability by building a foundation of routine including the home and as this is due to be changing for you, it is understandable that you will be anxious.

I am not trying to downplay what you are describing in any way. More point out the triggers I can see in what you have said here.

I think contacting a Dr when you move would be wise - would your University have a health centre (and the insurance) as a part of it? I am afraid I do not know enough about the system where you are, but in the UK it is standard to see the Dr as part of the induction process.

In the mean time, it would be wise to keep a journal of your moods, thoughts and feelings so that when you do see the Dr, you can provide a detailed account of how things are for you without rellying on memory.

Do be gentle with yourself - I understand you can not get help straight away, but you are reaching out for help by posting here. Do keep talking to us.

Roiben x