Where to turn?

LiaB · 12-06-2011, 09:44 PM

I've been self harming for 24 years. Finally went to the doctor last year for help. She was fantastic and referred me for CBT so I filled out the forms, phoned my partner and told him that I was finally going to get some help. I was actually excited at the thought I could be turning a corner.
I got a letter back from the referral to say my 'case' was too severe and I should return to my doctor to get mental health care. The letter made me feel like a total freak, like i was too f***** up for help. Irrational I know but it still makes me feel like that now :( Needless to say I didn't go back and things have spiralled out of control. I now self harm more frequently and a lot worse than I ever did. My moods are shot to pieces and my partner left me as he couldn't cope with me in one of my vile moments any more. I want this to stop now, I want to feel happy, content and safe but I don't know how to do it.
The stupid thing is that I'm a single mum doing a pretty good job raising my daughter on my own, I have a good job that I work really hard at, I can listen and give good advice to friends when they need it but feel like an absolute idiot that at my age I'm so in control of everything but myself.
Do any of you have any hints, tips or advice on how I can move forward and one day maybe hope of getting off this merry-go-round?
Thanks, Lia x

~Grace~ · 12-06-2011, 09:52 PM

you shoulod go back hun as they may beabke to offer you something else...i too have filled out the forms and i know they will come back as being too high risk...I dont think there is anything left for me...but ive been in the system a long time...they may beaable to ffer youj more help...so please go back to your gp and see what he/she says xx

LiaB · 12-06-2011, 10:24 PM

thanks for your reply, i will think about going back tho to be honest i'm terrified of being made to feel worse. I guess I have to face that fear. It's sad that you feel there is no more help left for you though xx

~Grace~ · 12-06-2011, 10:37 PM

Im ok hun...dont worry about me.....go back to the docs and see what else theya can offer you, they may beable to offer you to ther opetions like the mental health team or other typse of therapy....if you dont go back youllnever know.....good luck hun xx

Pomegranate · 13-06-2011, 12:16 AM

Just because you were turned down for a certain type of help does not mean that you are a hopeless case and that you cannot be helped. In the last few years the government have introduced a scheme known as 'IAPT' (improving access to psychological therapies) and in areas which have this it is the first place people are referred to when they are showing signs of mental health issues that may require therapy. It is a very short term service though i.e for people who need 6 months max to work through their issues. I am 22 years old and was told IAPT could not help me last year and that I needed longer term help. I am now under a different 'team' and see a social worker and a support worker every week and have a referral to longer term psychology in the pipeline.

There will be people out there who can help. The first thing is to make that appointment. It sucks and it is scary but you need to make that step. You made the decision to get help and you need to follow that through, despite the bumps and hiccups along the way.

Margo · 13-06-2011, 12:38 PM

Hello and welcome!

24 years is quite astonishing with no help. Thats some feet in itself!

Firstly go back to the NHS and get help. You are not too ****ed up. Thats simply impossible as you have a life and a job and have coped on your own for all this time. I fear you may be close to breaking point and so some added help is needed right now.

CBT is good for some things but too shallow for others. It fits some but not others. Now there will be a reson they turned you down but not because you are too ****ed up. They will believe from your notes that the service they provide is insufficient for your needs. Its as simple as that.

One vital thing is to keep in touch with the NHS. It is very easy to get left out of the loop if you mess around. You seriously do not want to go that route!

The language MH services use is often a little abrasive and hard to swallow at first. We all know how crap some normal Gps bed side manners are, and MH people are no different. What makes it harder when its a MHT person saying or writing it is that its harder for us to take it objectively because we are talking about our minds and thoughts and feelings.

example:

1)you go to the doc with a killer pain in your ankle. My god it hurts! you visit a GP who spends 1 min looking at you and tells you its "JUST" a sprain, gives you some anti inflams and shuffles you out of the door. 3 mins and you feel they hardly looked at you.

2) you go to a psych or a CPN or see a crisis team member with suicidal thoughts and self harm marks on your arms. the psych says " you are JUST depressed", spends a minute talking and hardly looking at you, and then you leave.

At the GPs you would feel pissed off but accept it and think nothing of it. Its just a sprain. Its killing you but its "just" a sprain. At the MH place youve been told its "just depression". All of a sudden you feel like they are saying its just something mild and non important and its all your fault and you are weak and they dont care and you are **** and so on.........

The fact is it may just be a sprain and it may just be depression but its so easy to take a differing view on the word "just".

This is a very basic example and its hard to take. Pretty much all of us have freaked at things the docs have said to us. I am not belittling the effect of words with MH professionals. It is one of my major beefs and is a cause of much distress to many people especially the young kids who have no life experience to fall back on and take a step back and analyse.

In a nut shell stuff is rarely what it may seem to you at face value. Its a system that is flawed and as time goes by you will learn this.

Its really hard. really really hard and you have my sympathy. but i do hope this helps just a weeny bit.

Now go and make that call. you will be scared but we all are scared on this site. Every bloody one of us!

Its why we are here; to help eachother through the sscary times!

Matthew x