Contains sexual abuse - Nothing but Hell

Frail Existence · 11-06-2011, 02:20 PM

If I manage to post this... mau be deleted fairly quickly.

When I was younger, since birth practically, I have been abused. My birth parents were really physically abusive. Lasted till I was bout five when I was removed and put up for adoption. I was in foster care with this man till he adopted me. From age six to eight I had been sa'ed by two people. Once people found out, it had all stopped and one of the two boys was sent to juvenile detention center and the other one who was younger got off because he was considered a victim to, because he was too young. But three years later it started back up again with the younger of the two who had previously sa'ed me and that last for little while till he was sent off to treatment place for behavioral problems. The older one had who had sa'ed me was soon let loose because they reduced his time and my dad had let him come back to the house. He started it up afain sa'ing me again till he was sent to jail for other charges.

To this day, my dad lets the younger one come arounf. Older one is not ever allowed to come near me again. My dad used to physically abuse me to where I ended up in the hospital, dad as adopted dad. He doesnt really hit anymore. But he is very mentally and emotionally abusive towards me and my younger adopted sister. He says things that bring me to tears almost everyday and he always is yelling at somebodt for some reason. I also am still physically abused by two other people but my dad doesnt know about that.

Dont really know why I put this down but I think I am just testing myself to see if I can do this. Comments or advice or support, anything really is welcomed.

crazykat · 11-06-2011, 02:26 PM

I'm sorry you had to go through that and that you continue to go through it. Is there a teacher or a friend you can trust to tell them what is happening? No one deserves to be abused. What is happening is wrong and is in no way your fault. Well done for writing it out, even though it must have been hard.

Frail Existence · 11-06-2011, 02:45 PM

Thanks. Dont tell anyone for two reasons. One, 'learned' not to say anything and second one being Im too scared to say anything. Cant ever physically bring myself to say anything. Am getting used to writing it now though. Which is a start I guess. Struggle on and off whether it is or isnt my fault a lot. Reeasons on both sides so I guess its more of my mood whether I say it is or isnt. Thanks again Kat.

Its also summer now so no teacher. But the people who hysically hurt me arent rally around during summer cause one was an aquataince and the other one is 20 but oddly still goes to my school for college credits. 20 year old has my number and knows where I live so hecan come around and does call me. I find both annoying. 20 Year olds name is Ray and he quite frankily had a firlfriend but they are officially over which kind of scares me a bit more. But I will get over it.

troubleshooter · 11-06-2011, 08:20 PM

*wraps arms around you gently* You're being very brave telling us this Libby. I'm so proud of you. It's horrible and wrong that you have been abused so badly, and that you've moved from one abusive home to another. People have NO RIGHT to hurt you, mess with your head, or destroy your trust. I know that if I suggest you tell someone you will refuse, but you and your sister belong in a safe, loving place you will be protected. Trust me Libby, I'd like to rip apart everyone who put their nasty hands on you. *rocks you gently* Maybe if you get a scholarship to a college you can get out of there soon and help your sister. I'm here if you need to talk more.

Frail Existence · 11-06-2011, 08:34 PM

Thanks Tracie. You are right, would refuse. That would be quite a lot of people you would be doing that to. But please dont do that. I am a sophmore but already have a couple of scholarships in place for sure. To be honest... dont want to leave much either. I know that may sound crazy.

troubleshooter · 11-06-2011, 08:44 PM

I wouldn't actually attack anyone love. It's just that people who hurt you should be punished. It's good you already have scholarships in place. And I know while you want to get out, it's also scary to leave what you know--and you probably don't want to leave your sister alone. I'm guessing that's it, but I've not been the best at guessing things with you. =P *hugs gently*

Frail Existence · 11-06-2011, 08:50 PM

Everytime you have said I bet, you have been right, just not when you state it kind of like the stuffed animals in safe room. But all pm's when you say I bet, every single one is right :) Not good at guessing but great at betting :P

But I I guess that is all of it. Dont wanna leave cause this is what I am used to and accustomed to and cause dont wanna leave Katie. Try to help her lots but doesnt seem to do much :(

troubleshooter · 11-06-2011, 09:04 PM

It is very scary to live without abuse when you never have. But it is better than being hurt. *strokes your hair* And maybe if you have a dorm room and stuff you can have Katie come spend weekends with you, and try to help her as well. She knows you love her, and don't want her hurt. Even though I don't think I do much, I think you feel I do a lot. I bet Katie feels the same about you--only more because you're actually there every day!

Frail Existence · 11-06-2011, 09:14 PM

:)
Dont wanna live in dorms actually. But if i end up anywhere but home I would have her come down, that is if my dad would allow it. He says I cant and am not allowed to go out of state though. I do worry a bit that once I leave, things will heat up. She would be entering ninth grade though as I start college.

dontwantyoutoknow · 13-06-2011, 01:57 PM

Sorry, I've only just seen this.

I just wanted to say I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Making this thread must've taken so much - this is one step towards beating it all, y'know! x

needle girl · 13-06-2011, 04:25 PM

*hugs* brave of you to post this :)
not much else to say atm, agree with whats already been said. *snuggles* remember none of its your fault.

f0reversmiling · 16-06-2011, 07:59 AM

Same as what Anna said, it's not your fault Libz. You're really brave for posting this. ♥

Frail Existence · 16-06-2011, 06:25 PM

Thanks Mj, Anna, and Mitchie. Sorry kind of abandoned thread for bit. Didnt wanna deal with it. Thanks for all the hugs as well.

Dont believe none of its my fault. Has to be some and there is. Sorry.

Things are just getting crazir. Allowed to say things on here? Dont feel like what I want to say first, doesnt have a point to saying it in first place and second, feel like shouldnt sa it. hmm.... dont think matters. hate making threads anyways. feel selfish when do cause people say its mine and can post whatever. have nothing of importance to say ever really.

troubleshooter · 16-06-2011, 08:02 PM

Libby it's your thread, of course you can say what you want. What's getting crazier?

Frail Existence · 16-06-2011, 08:57 PM

you already know. just sh and eating and my dad... everything just seems like its still picking up. and plus this bully and abuse forum so dont know if should talk bout other stuff. really hate making threads. think just might let this die, again. purposelly stopped two others and deleted a few. hm...

crazykat · 17-06-2011, 12:40 PM

Keep talking to us hun, don't ever feel bad for posting here. Things sound very overwhelming for you right now, do you have the support of anyone like a counsellor? As for the stuff that is happening with your dad I know your scared of leaving your sister behind and then the abuse becoming worse for her which is understandable but shouldn't be a reason to stay. I really think you should consider telling someone about the abuse both for your safety and that of your sister. You both shouldn't have to keep putting up with it, what he is doing is wrong. Please hold on there hun xxx

Frail Existence · 17-06-2011, 01:19 PM

always feel bad for posting. really dont think this is mine or have will tto post almost anything I want. Feels selfish an other things.

Maybe he is wrong but he only really is mentally and emotionally abusive. Thats bout it. If that is even considered abuse for what he does anyways. No one needs to know. Sorry. Im fine. Can handle it.

No people but have psych. Dont talk to him. Find him very creepy anyhow and scary, but mot of his patients do so as well. My sister has therapist she sees once every two weeks and thats been on for bout a month. Once she trust someone, she isnt afraid to tell someone anything. So, she will be fine and therapist has already agreed to stick with her till end of high school (headininto seventh grade this coming school year). Doesnt take her as long as me to trust someone either.

troubleshooter · 17-06-2011, 02:16 PM

Emotional abuse is abuse Libby, and you minimize the things he does. It's not your fault, and you don't deserve it honey. *hugs gently* There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

Frail Existence · 17-06-2011, 03:00 PM

dont need help.
sorry.
hes not that bad.
im fine.
dont minimize anyways, exaggerate and embellish too much.
sorry.

crazykat · 17-06-2011, 03:05 PM

I agree emotional abuse is still abuse and is just as bad. Your not fine and we can't make you get help but we are here for you.