Putting my life into a nutshell right now (
this is not the issue I need support on so I will be brief)
- finished university and have no clue where to go from here
- want to stay in London where I have built a life for myself but realise I may have to return to Birmingham for the period between getting a degree and being prepared for the real world (because there is a period like that- you don't magically become ready for the real world upon finishing your last degree component)
- am in a relationship with someone living in London who I've been with for 3 years and am happy with
- am surrounded by "comfortable people" with no one "real" to talk to. by this I mean by boyfriend and my friends all live with parents, any money they earn is pocket money they don't have to deal with rent and food whereas I live in a shared house with people I don't know, have to use all my money for survival to the point where I haven't had new clothes for the past 2 years because it's all gone on rent/food. also my family live over 100 miles away so I get very lonely.
I talked about this with my boyfriend. It wasn't easy, particularly the part about calling him 'comfortable'. But I did it. I sat with him and told him all of the above in greater depth than I've discussed here.
In addition, I told him that considering the future, if I went back to Birmingham I'd still like to attempt to maintain the relationship. Also he has the job side of life experience and I have the money management/living alone side of life experience, both of which are important in entering the real world so I feel that if the relationship is to be as serious as we both want it to be then we need each other's side of life experience- as in I need to work on getting a decent job and he needs to work on money management and moving out of home. When I told him this, I didn't phrase it as if to say 'this is how it is/needs to be' I said it was just how I felt and that it needed discussion.
This is what I need support with
The discussion went terribly. He listened to me but completely missed the point.
He kept going on about me getting a job. He acted as if all of life would be solved once I got a job. Told him I didn't know what to do with life, response was get a job. Told him I didn't know whether to stay in London or go to Birmingham, response was get a job. Told him I was willing to work to get the relationship through this stage, response was get a job.
Any talk about the future was swept away. The exact response was something like 'well I'm not going to move out unless I move in with you, and besides the relationship isn't the issue right now, neither is the future, you just need to focus on getting a job' =/
When I spoke about being lonely away from family and having no money to spend on myself and being surrounded by 'comfortable' people, his response was 'well I know exactly how you feel because that's how I feel when you visit family and I'm left here in London' =/
He has been in the same (awful) job since before I met him. He tried to tell me he hated it. I asked why he was still there. He said because nothing had come up. I threw back in his face the numerous jobs that have come up over the years and asked if he applied for any of them. He told me he didn't want to do any of them. Then when I left today, he went into work, in the middle of his 2 weeks off, to check when he had to go back in. And apparently he's not comfortable, he hates the place. Clearly =/
Yet I'm supposed to get a job, any job, just get one and all the problems will go away.
It was like talking to a brick wall. I really didn't expect that response. I've been with him for 3 years. For the past 1 and a half years of that time we've been happy together. Yet suddenly, he doesn't understand me at all. Suddenly I'm being treated as if the whole relationship is on my shoulders. He is allowed to remain in his comfortable life living at home and working in the same place he's always worked, and I'm the one who has to suffer to stay in London to keep the relationship going.
I don't want to do that. I love him- really I do. I'm willing to make sacrifices- no pain no gain and all that. But I can't take the weight of everything, that's expecting too much and something I can't achieve- a relationship is about two people.
All of a sudden I'm questioning if he's really the one for me- after 3 years of believing he was. What's the point of even talking to him if I get that sort of response?
I really don't know what to do. I know no one can tell me, but it would be nice to be told that I am not in the wrong here. I really need someone right now. All of a sudden, I don't seem to have anyone =[
