Psych appt. Letter.

[ella1]

Ok so here goes. Any advice would be much appreciated.

I see my psych every week but because he's been on a course and I've been working my next appointment on Friday, it will have been 3weeks since the last one. Thing is I never seem to get across how bad I am when I actuay get in there so I'm thinking of writing a letter or at least a few notes and giving it to him as the last 3 weeks has seen me cut my arm again (usually just do my legs), pour boiling Water and caustic soda over my hands twice at work (on purpose), drinking, searching for illegal drugs and purging more than ever. My suicidal thoughts are now daily and I od'd 10 days ago. My anxiety is through the roof and spend all my time on bed except for work. My parents are concerned as j haven't been to see them an they only love upthe road. My flatmate who's my best friend has suggeted I'm gettin like I was before, drinking and out of control cutting and attempting suicide. Sincerely she has mentioned Goin IP but I know I'm not that bad and too expensive for nhs to even consider me. Everything seems to trigger me even work and running (both of which usually help me keep a focus). Truth is I'm scared and dreading those minutes where it's silent and he's Reading them. Was just wondering if anyone has had any experience with anything similar? Thanks for Reading x

[ella1]

Oh and I have major depressive disorder and PTSD x

[Shenanigans]

Hi
I am a firm believer in writing letters! lol =P
I have written many letters over the years to help describe things that I find difficult to put into words, or to make sure that everything I want to be said is said.
I know that it is quite scary to hand over something that literally has everything you've been keeping inside written on it, but if your psychiatrist doesn't know these things he will not be able to help you as best he can.
Maybe take some time to write everything out, so you get what you want to say said. Or bullet point the main things you wish to say if that is easier. Perhaps take down some of the points you've mentioned in this thread to use as a basis for writing the letter?
It sounds like you have supportive people around you (your parents and roomate) and I hope you feel able to discuss with them how you're feeling and lean on them when you need support.
I hope things go well, take care
Sarah
x

[ella1]

Thank you for the reply. I will do the bullet point thing I think. Gosh such a mess ATM! I fear that he is going to think I'm overreacting as nothing bad has happened as such. Just feel like I've given up, not sorry, angry or sad about that fact-I feel like saying 'yeh I was right, I can't go through anymore'. People promised things would get better and I believed it slightly but I think that was a one off feeling probably. Eurgh, I haven't struggled like this in 18months and I'm so scared. Not of dying but yet another failed suicide attempt that will land ne in hospital. But now my psych is my only hope on Friday. Thanks again, sorry for the depressive rant!