Not sure if this is the right place to put this, so feel free to move it.
I've been on sleeping medication and antidepressants since diagnosed with a sleep disorder and depression aged 15 (now 20). Ever since then I feel that I have become more and more passive, and now I feel that I've almost lost my personality entirely. Before I was much more extroverted, not as much as most people, but I said what I felt like more often than not and was a lot more spontaneous. It was probably sleep deprivation that caused a fair amount of it, but ever since I've noticed I find things easier to just go with whatever everyone else wants to do and rarely confront someone if they've done something that has upset or annoyed me, instead just being passive and spineless. Its something I've especially noticed now I'm at uni; what with being out of my comfort zone and not knowing anybody I literally feel like I'm just this face with no personality behind it because I daren't do anything, just smile and make small talk. Because of this I've made very few friends.
I don't know if its the medication for sure that's causing this or maybe this is just who I am now, but the latter would really suck. So has anyone else felt the same way?
I've thought about this regarding my own situation. I've been on anti-psychotics since I was 17, i'm now 21. I was very hyper before that, especially when I was at school. I've started to think though, that I've probably just matured. The only time i become that energetic is when i go too high due to my illness, which isn't very nice. It has been suggested to me though that i was showing signs of being unwell during my early teens. I think it might be the medication intertwined with becoming an adult that has dulled me a bit. Are your meds sedating? You could ask to switch to an SSRI if they are.
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
i thought this as well. ive been on medication since i was 12 ( now 19) i suppose its difficult to tell as when you are that young your personality is still developing but im definatley very different on meds, all i can describe it as is being like a zombie sometimes, i dont talk, laugh much anymore, of course its different with different strength medication.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
****, yes. thanks to all sorts of different medications, i at one point felt like a completely personalitiless zombie. i know some medications can do that to you- lithium being the one that really messed me up- and all you can really do is either stop it or deal with it. it sucks, but a lot of what controls the bad emotions controls the good too, leaving us completely flat in the end. not exactly what i would call treatment.
put out the fire boys, don't stop, don't stop
put out the fire on us
I felt like this when I was on olanzapine. I changed meds and feel much more like myself now, so perhaps that's something worth considering. Or, if it's safe to do so and you discuss it with your doctor first, perhaps you could try reducing the dose you're on?
Just some ideas. Not sure about your situation with regards to how much you need the meds to stay well but reducing them might let you know if it is the meds or not. Just don't do it without talking to your psychiatrist or GP first!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Thanks guys, glad to know I'm not the only one!
I've tried reducing my meds in the past and that didn't go very well, but at the moment what my doctor is trying to do is wean me off the sleeping medication but raising my dosage of antidepressants to try and counterbalance it. I think its ever since I've been on the higher dosage that I've been really noticing the change, so I think I'll arrange an appointment to see about switching antidepressants, hopefully to SSRIs as you suggested PilotVeteran. My doctor's a bloody hard man to contact but hopefully I'll get through to him eventually!
Thanks again everyone, you've been really helpful! :)
ive been totally medication free for a week now.
the reason i came off it was because i felt like i had no personality and i was just existing, sort of anyway.
ive been on alot of different meds and some are better than others, its about finding the right combo. clozapine was an awful one
but i will stress this point, dont come off your meds until you feel ready and with the support of your doctor tis not good
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I know when i was on my meds it was hard to have a conversation with me because i was just..out of it i suppose. I dunno its hard to explain xD
But i know what you mean, it just calmed me down loads. Maybe even too much. I stopped taking them after a while because they werent really doing much other than that sadly.
Hmm, not sure how to word my thoughts, heh. Have you lost a lot of confidence through your mental illness? Just wondering because I lost most of my teen years and young adultness through having MH problems and didn't get the normal socialising experiences that a lot of young people learn from - kind of like missing part of my development. That has made it quite difficult to know who I am and has made it very difficult to feel okay about relating to people. Being poorly can take you away from a lot of what you had before and sometimes therapy can help work through those times in your life and build up resilence.
There again, I can relate to medication affecting parts of your personality. Some antipsychotics have dulled me down a lot and I don't feel as bubbly as I do without it. The first time I went on my current medication I actually ended up back in hospital with depression because I couldn't handle the huge changes in my feelings about how I was (un)able to connect with people. I came off that medication and things got a lot better. I'm now back on it but at a lower dose, and have got used to/feel little of the same effect.
I do think that some of it is definitely lack of confidence -I've talked to the mental health team at uni about doing having some sessions at the beginning of next year to help build my confidence- but then when I've stopped taking them I tend to find myself a lot more bubbly (although that's before the inevitable breakdown... As tempting as it is to stop them again without talking to my doctor, experience has taught me thats a very, very bad idea). I think its a mixture, but that almost makes it more worrying for me, when I've been on medication for the part of my life when my identity is probably shaping into its final form, and I don't know what is me and what is the meds :\
