confronting ideas of strength and weakness

[Stellata]

Do you see me as strong, or weak?
Or both?
Or neither?

The internal abuser is having a field day right now. Making me struggle what to believe. I need some help in re-educating child-mind.

What is strength?
What is weakness?

What does compassionate strength look like in an abuse survivor? In someone with depression?
What do you do when you believe [wrongly, hopefully] that someone sees you as weak, especially when you're struggling?

How can I attack myself less AND survive?

[startingagain]

For the first question I think the key is to not be concerned with what others think of you. The only thing that matters is how you see yourself.

[Horizon]

I think strength and weakness are very different to different individuals. As said above, the important thing is how you view yourself and what you consider, personally, to be your strength and weakness.

[PinQ]

For me, I am strong when I don't give into the voices or the impulse. And I kind of know what you mean about hurting yourself less and still surviving. Thats what I struggle with and I just try and think of my strength that I haven't given in but it is hard. Hope that helped a little.

[Stellata]

I meant re attacking myself for 'being weak'.
I've survived, stubbornly, by that kind of thing.
There's so much an internal [and sometimes external] culture of "Don't get stressed." "Don't let it upset you." "Be brave." etc, and although I tried, I am not 'living up to that measure' any more. If I ever did.
But I just wanted to survive, and hopefully be accepted.
I don't know where the boundaries, the edges, are.

[makedamnsure]

I'm not sure there are boundaries Katie.
I understand what you are saying.

I think you should try to lower your own expectations of yourself.
Or even better, don't have expectations.

If something has upset you, then its upset you. Telling yourself over and over that its not worth being upset about doesn't really help. Far better to accept that it upset you, see if there is anything you can do about it, and then move on.

I don't think you are weak in the slightest.
But I think you expect a lot from yourself, and I think you have a tendency to over think things too occasionally.

For me, being strong is doing anything that you find hard.
Even if its something other people find easy.
So for example I feel strong when I go to a party with friends, or feel a panic attack coming on and manage to fight it.

Praise yourself for how much you have acheived instead of attacking yourself for not being good enough.

[Stellata]

Thank you Amy, that's really helpful. :)

[roiben]

I find that thinking of things as one thing or the other can be very destructive.

A child by nature is weak, and vulnerable - but can show huge amounts of strength through adversity and an amazing capacity for understanding, even though we tend to assume adults know best and have more knowledge.

Would it not be better to ascertain what it is that destructive voice is trying to achieve, and why?

I agree with this from Makedamnsure's comment:

"If something has upset you, then its upset you. Telling yourself over and over that its not worth being upset about doesn't really help. Far better to accept that it upset you, see if there is anything you can do about it, and then move on.

I don't think you are weak in the slightest.
But I think you expect a lot from yourself, and I think you have a tendency to over think things too occasionally. "

Thinking of you - and sorry for being out of contact lately.

Roiben x

[Stellata]

Thanks Roiben.
I'll ponder properly when I have some headspace.