help with coping with my mum....... please....

perfect façade · 09-05-2011, 04:59 PM

I haven't used this site for a long time, i found that while i struggled with SH i just came on here to self pitty.
Now i'm 1yr 11 months free and find myself stuck, and needing some advice from people outside my family circle.

It's my Mum, i just can't cope with her anymore. Here's the story. Sorry, it's complicated.

My mum has had 2 husbands, my Dad, then later on my step dad. My blood father was an abusive alcoholic, my step father played mind games with us and pushed me deeper and deeped into my depression.
Whilst struggling wit my step dad i joined a youth drama group as an outlet fot what i was feeling.
The group leader soon noticed i had some mental health issues and often offered his ear if i ever needed a chat.
I found that because he was outside of the family he was easy to talk to and gave excellent advice. It was him i first told that i self harmed and he helped me find the confidence to go to my GP and get help.

soon after that my mum started divorcing my step dad.
she fell in love with my drama tutor, he moved in, and now they are engaged.

I WANT TO CLARIFY, I SAW MY TEACHER AS A FRIEND, NOTHING MORE.
that bits important because my mum is constantly trying to turn him against me, twisting what i say and generaly causing trouble.
Its like she feels threatened or something.
I just dont understand her, i constantly have to walk on egg shells, whatever i do or say she twists, nothing is ever good enough. She makes me feel like a f**k up, all i feel is angry, all the time, mad with her for always seeing bad in me or putting me down.
I do all i can to please my mum, and to be totaly honest, i dont see the point anymore.

i know this is probably a wierd post.... and really long, but please, if anyone has any ways of coping with this, then please tell me.
I'm desperate.

perfect façade · 10-05-2011, 09:32 AM

any advice at all?

MayhemBee · 10-05-2011, 11:58 AM

You can try to explain to her you have no feelings for you teacher. It kinda sounds as if she feels threatened... I really dont know what else to say though. Its a difficult situation, just keep talking. :)

dazed1989 · 10-05-2011, 06:38 PM

Wow.... weird situation indeed.... your drama teacher sounds awesome... maybe now that she's eventually got herself a great guy she's just generally paranoid about losing him

Sounds like she's pretty unapproachable at the moment, why not talk to him instead? I know that's risky having a private chat with him if she's on edge but maybe it'll help. Tell him your concerns and confusion about your mum, he might be able to diffuse things? Does she treat him the same way she treats you with regard to the friendship you share?

You say she's trying to turn him against you... does it ever work? Has he changed toward you?

perfect façade · 10-05-2011, 10:36 PM

I can't talk to him the way I used to. By that I mean before I could tell him anything, and if needed, could have a rant about home life, not I can't, as he's involved, and he is more attached to it all so he can get quite touchy.
He believes anything that comes out of Mum's mouth, and although it annoys me as it makes me look bad, it's a good thing too cos my mum finally deserves a decent guy.
Its just got to that point where yeah, my Mum's deserves a decent guy, but my brother a nd I deserve a good dad too.......
And with mum being so paranoid, we can't get it.......

dazed1989 · 10-05-2011, 10:45 PM

Yea your mum does deserve a good guy but you don't deserve to feel isolated as a result of this...

You say they just got engaged? Maybe a gesture like a 'congratulations on your engagement' card? Something small that just shows you support them both...

Maybe talk to her about the wedding plans, ask if she's thought about any? That way you're showing an interest too. That may help calm her down knowing your happy for them and interested in the big day...

One thing I'd definitely do regardless of whether you do either of the above is next time she says something out of turn or twists something jus confront it there and then. Ask her what the problem is and tell her you can't help feeling she's pushing you away and you don't like it, even if its in front of other people - shows you have nothing to hide.