Contains illicit drugs - any ideas needed

[little-miss-darkness]

i got of the drugs i was taking almost 6 years ago when i found out that i was pregnant. i did not want my children to have the same up bringing i had. but now my children live with there dads i am finding it hard to stay off them, i wake up every morning wanting my fix and sit there telling myself that i have come to far to go back on them, get up go downstairs and carry on with my life in a 3 bed house and only me here. i start to feel down and start to think about my life before and my children, and wonder why i gave up drugs in the first place, i could cope i was happy and nothing got me down i had a job a stable relationship i had a normal life. when i quit using my job went out the window and my relationship was ups and downs until it ended badly, i had my lovely healthy baby girl and started to find it hard coping, i ended up in a relationship and had 2 sons but my mood swings and drove him away (not shocking everyone leaves one way or another). i ended having a mental health breakdown and gave my children to there dads as i was worried about flipping around them, and think if i was still on the drugs i would not have lost the love of my life i would be able cope i would be happy i would have my children.

i am now worried that i will end up back on the drugs as i am finding it harder and harder to find things to tell myself to stay off them.

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

So sorry you're feeling like this right now, have you got any support at the moment at all? Or any help from their fathers?
Maybe it would help if you told yourself although you were happier on drugs your friends & family weren't necessarily happier with you.
Also getting off the drugs gave you three healthy children, which may not have happened had you stayed on them.
There are lots of positives, try not to lose sight of them.
Also, the way memory works is it can often exaggerate the past: we'll think that a 'happy' time was in fact a lot better than it actually was and forget about the bad times (such as the lack of money, comedowns etc caused by drugs) , I've found this also works visa versa, but it may just be me.
Sorry for the slight ramble, hope this helps a little.
xxx