Not soo great :(

Frail Existence · 05-05-2011, 12:47 AM

I kind of really dont wanna do this...

Im just struggling A LOT with everything in life in general. Been feeling suicial for few months and right now, that is the ONLY thing on my mind, besides sh! Feel like I may break. My head is just pounding and I feel like crap. Just want everything to soo badly end. Im sorry. And too make it all worse right now, lots of fighting going on downstairs. Cant handle it. It as any and everything. Sorry.

PassedExpectations · 05-05-2011, 03:13 AM

has the fighting stopped? can you get some sleep to de-stress and relax?

having selfharming or suicidal thoughts always on your mind is really tiring and draining. is there anything that distracts you, even if its just for a bit? you can try and find ways to amplify those thoughts and feelings to push the harming thoughts aside. maybe carry something around in your pocket that reminds you of really really pleasant memories or thoughts, and when you start thinking the negative thoughts you can use the object to help remind you of the positive thoughts. or you could get a whole bunch of different memory objects and put them in a bag and choose at random....

Frail Existence · 05-05-2011, 03:32 AM

fighting hasnt stopped. Has toned down some, but still there. Gonna head to bed soon and that may help, but probably not because been having nightmares and these 'other' dreams that have been worrying me and me questioning them.

Good idea. I have a safe box at home that has good memories and items I go to sometimes.

Thanks for responding :) Appreciate it!

Pi.R^2 · 05-05-2011, 09:58 AM

*hugggss*
Sorry you're having a rough time Libz :( Did you sleep well?
Safe box sounds good!

Frail Existence · 05-05-2011, 06:33 PM

*hugs*
Once I did fall alseep, I did sleep well :)
(I love my little safe box)
Thanks for replying.

talaiporia · 06-05-2011, 05:31 PM

How are you doing now?

Argonite · 06-05-2011, 09:05 PM

I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time but I'm glad that you did sleep well. Hopw are you feeling now? And have you talked to anybody about the way you feel? You are a lovely strong person, don't forget that, and I really hope that you can get some help getting through this xx

Pi.R^2 · 07-05-2011, 12:30 AM

Just dropping by with hugs for you Libz :)
I hope you've had a good day (I don't understand america, so maybe you've not just had a day there? How utterly confusing...)

Frail Existence · 07-05-2011, 02:45 PM

Thanks for the replies (and hugs) :)

Forest Rose - I have tried talking to others. I told Tabz, my closest friend, and she just isnt being supportive. She is the only person who knows almost everything about me. One of the counselors at school at least once every two weeksish I talk to. she knows about my SH too which is good I guess. Also she knows Im struggling but not anything real specific. There is a teacher I am debating on talking with as well. Only about a month of school left anyways so I dont actually want to say anything because of summer.

Im... doing ok. Just irritated with lots of people, tired, and sick. Great night last night :) My dad is going to be gone all day today so, I dont what im gonna do today. Just glad not feeling horribly bad.

Pi.R^2 · 07-05-2011, 08:56 PM

What are your plans for over the summer? Is having lots of time of school likely to be helpful for you?

And more *hugs* :)

Frail Existence · 07-05-2011, 09:25 PM

This summer... Well my dad has hooked me up with this job that if I do well with the interview, I will get it. Besides that, performance camps for sports and athletic camps. But I have sports done with for only a month and a half because preseason training for cross country starts half wayish through July. And going either to Wisconsin or Kansas City for vacation possibly. That is all I know.

Will time off school help? In lots of ways yes because less stress from school work and school itself.

*Thousands of bunches of hugs for you too* (what you are currently feeling ) *Hugs for everyone else as well. Thanks:) (went out for couple hours and feel better. it helped)

Pi.R^2 · 08-05-2011, 11:17 AM

Aww, glad that going out for a few hours helped! And lol, I love the word 'vacation'. Ahem, back on topic.
Summer sounds good- what job is it that you are hoping to get?
And yoiks, lots of sports and athletics. Sounds like a nice busy summer, which is always good :)

Frail Existence · 08-05-2011, 03:47 PM

Love it when people say Vacation Bible school. Vacation and school in same sentence, impressive.

The job my dad is hoping for me to get is this day care program. Pays well off the start, 10 dollars an hout for six to seven hours a day and take field trips four times a week. It sounds like great fun.

Busy summer... yes. Always busy for almost all year. But business in summer is good because isnt that stressful one.

(why are you scared Sigaoo?)

talaiporia · 08-05-2011, 08:01 PM

That sounds like a good job. I hope you have fun!

Argonite · 08-05-2011, 08:58 PM

It's great that you have lots planned for the summer and that the summer means there'll be less stress from school. I'm also glad you're not feeling horribly bad :) And the job sounds good. I hope you enjoy it and have a great summer too! And yes, vacation and school in one sentence is pretty impressive ;)

I've always wanted to visit the US but I'm the UK. What's it like over there? :) xx

Frail Existence · 08-05-2011, 10:52 PM

Probably really different here. I think its good besides the fact that lots of people are 'always concerned' about attacks because of how integrated our 'culture' is becoming. I think most people on here live in Europe area. Most people are friendly when your out and about. I live in Iowa though so other states could differ. School systems are fairly different than yours once you hit high school I know for sure.

With the job, I know I have to be extra careful with my self-harm when I do do it. Its less stress from school but hopefully the job will mean less stress from home life to!

Im in a good mood today :) Thats like two days straight almost I have felt good. Hopefully it stays longer! My OCD and mood swings have stabilizes for about a week now which is good but its at a bad level :)

surviver15 · 08-05-2011, 10:54 PM

Aw, it seems like you are doing much better! :D
SO proud. Message me anytime!
-Shelby

Pi.R^2 · 09-05-2011, 02:54 AM

You may call me Jen, especially when my username is not what I want it to be!!! And I'm scared of lots of things, but nothing to worry about :)

I'm glad you're in a good mood today, and that job does sound like good fun, and would be a really good opportunity for building self-esteem and stuff.
I hope tomorrow (eep, confused already about whether it's today or tomorrow in America) is good too!

*lots of hugs*

Frail Existence · 09-05-2011, 03:14 AM

thanks Jen :) Why did you change your username? Lots of people are scared of lots of things to. know I am.

Not tomorrow yet. From the time I post this little less than three hours till midnight. Really hope tomorrow goes good to! Great day today except a bit this morning. Just got in a fight with my sister and cut my wrist. I only did one though then stopped. Just thought if I really keep this up... idk. Kinda really do wanna stop.

Thanks everyone :) *accepts those hugs* (thanks jen)

Pi.R^2 · 09-05-2011, 10:48 AM

Got paranoid about my parents finding me, so applied for username change, and by the time it came through I'd deleted my thread and become less paranoid, so it was all a waste. Have applied to change back. Pi.R^2 will be back!!

What did you fight with your sister about? Sorry that you harmed, but glad you stopped after one. Maybe next time you'll be able to stop before one!

I will try to remember that your day starts at 6am my-time. *makes mental note*
Have a nice day!!!