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Could use some support right now:(
This week I haven't gotten much sleep due to an er visit to see if i was having a med reaction, working on a major paper for class and rehearsals for a concert Saturday and Sunday. Last Friday I celebrated 6 months since my last cut with my parents. Since I got put on the right meds 6 months ago I haven't had any strong bad emotions.... Only stuff I could deal with. I came home last night because I had an appointment with my psychiatrist as a er follow up.when I woke up this morning I was in no shape to drive because I was painfully neuseas so I asked my dad if he could drive me and I could tell he was angry about it but he did it. The appointment went eh... I'v lost weight and because I'm getting tremors that make it so I can't write sometimes and are painful other times, she's lowering my lithium a litte. She also informed me that once the meds are under control she is going to find me a new psychiatrist because I'm 20 and she hasn't seen a 20 year old in 5 years ( I've been seeing her since my senior year of high school) that had me a little upset but nothing major because I understand why... When we got home my moms new cell phone had come so my dad brought it upstairs opened it and charged it for my mom.... My phone has been due for an update since January and my mom kept putting getting me a new phone off. Last month she finally said I could look at phones. She didn't bother telling me until after I found a phone i Like that we couldnt get any with a data package so i said I'll look at phones online. When I was looking online she told me that I had to look for a free phone. I said whatever and stopped looking for a phone... All she talked about when looking for her phone was it had to be like the one she had, meaning an actual keyboard and keypad on the front. She even looked at the phone I like which is all touch and said I don't think I'd like this.... So when I heard she ordered a new phone I assumed it was one without a data package and had a keyboard.... When I went and looked at the new phone she got it was the one I liked and she said she wouldn't like.... As soon as I saw it I had a rush of emotions that had me about to get a blade.... I felt angry and hurt that she lied to me and then got the phone I liked and she didn't, even though we supposedly didn't have the money. When she came home all I asked was if that ment I could get one and she said no we cant afford it so i just kept my mouth shut (like I always do when I'm angry or hurt and feeling crying and screaming) the rest of the time she was home .... It scared me to feel this Strength of emotions again and now I'm worried they're coming back..... Am I being selfish about this? I don't think it would be bothering me as much if she hadn't lied or gotten the phone she said she wouldn't like but I did....
Sorry this is so long and if it's confusing..... I'm just tired and stressed and don't feel well.... Finals start Tuesday and I have the concert this week. I'm worried about being with my parents this summer but it's not like I can go anywhere else.. Hopefully I can get a job....... Ok I'm done now.... Sorry I went on and on
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