I can't do this anymore..

[Born Survivor]

I had therapy today so i was feeling vunerable as it is..

Home : I couldn't find my laptop battery so i asked mum where it was instead of saying noo paul i don't no where it is .. She spent the next 30mins finding every single flaw of mine and pointing them out to me .. That i have no job that iam anoxeric that ive never had a girlfriend and that ive self harmed.. So i snapped she came close to me so i pushed her hard aand she fell over .. I no i shouldn't off pushed my OWN mum but she wouldn't leave me alone i shouted at her to leave me alone but she wouldn't .. All she kept saying is so ive been though worst stuff than you..

She doesnt see the nightmares and the dreams about killing myself that i get .. Shee doesnt feel the pain of my anoxerica.. All she sees is a jobless 18 year old boy who is anoxeric and she finds the fact that i am quite funny.

I no i hurt mum and i shouldn't off.. I NO i lost it lock me up ? I deserve it .. Her words were like daggers , i expected this of everyone esle but her ? No

I don't no what advice anyone can give except call the police and lock me up ...

[Horizon]

Well, you shouldn't have pushed her, no, but I don't think that warrants being "locked up".
It's understandable you were confused and frustrated and hurt by what she was saying to you, but I think it's important to be able to remove yourself from that situation before you do something like push her.
Have you thought about having a family session with her?

[high.hopes]

Feeling's are allowed... And sometimes feelings make us do wierd things but thats okay! Pushing your mum maybe wasn't the best idea but that was your way of expressing how you felt in that moment... That's in the past now, there's nothing you can do but tell her you knew it was wrong and try and learn from this experience and somehow differently control how you feel...

Leave the situation and go for a walk?
Or scream into your pillow?
Take a look at the distractions list... I believe some could be used in the same scenario if it occurs again.

Although this would dealing with your emotions, the important thing would be to avoid this happening again. As Facet has said... A family session is one option? You could possibly write her a note and tell her how you feel? Or, try asking for her help to solve these issues?

Police and being locked up honestly wouldn't help. How are you expecting yourself how to learn a different way of dealing with these emotions if you have no way of feeling them?

Don't be too hard on yourself. Feelings and emotions are allowed, in turn our actions and reactions vary.

Stay strong, Kia <3

[Pops.]

To be honest, the people who have already posted have said everything I would have said. I just wanted you to know that I have read this and I am thinking of you, and you know where I am if you want to chat about anything. Facet had a good idea suggesting the family session. Have you ever had one before? How are you finding therapy? Take care lovely X