To be honest, from what i know i am not surprised you are close to harming. Youve unearthed some hidden feelings and pain and its hard to deal with. Its no wonder you want to reach for the blade or whatever seeing this was your coping method for so long.
So firstly i think it best to accept that feeling like this is not bad or wrong or unusual. I think its perfectly normal under the circumstances.
You have resources at hand now like the therapist and the docs and so i guess the next step is further reaching out to them before you decide to harm. This aint easy and ill hazzard a guess that things will continue liek this for a while before you learn new ways to cope.
If you manage to hold off then it will be amazing. If you slip then i will understand and so will many including those irectly responsible for your care.
Ill support you whatever happens, cus well i thin kyou are lovely and cool, even if you smell a little fishy and you drink too much coffee :P
Love Matthew xxx
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