Nerves Shattered By Weather..But Positive Revelation.

[pea soup]

background info..

in 1999 i was in an EF4 tornado. i was at work and with no warning such as tornado sirens...i watched the tornado pass through from across the street. it devastated my whole working area plus my neighborhood. 9 people were killed in my town.

before then, storms never scared me. i took precautions but never panicked. but since then, i have been petrified by severe weather.

i live in a mobile home that is tied down but it is still the most dangerous place to be in a tornado or high winds. for the last 4 nights we have stayed next door at kelly's parent's.

we have had numerous severe storms pass through here. earlier tonight we had a severe storm with winds at 80 mph and large hail. i have kept in touch with friends from my hometown tonight over FB.

they were hit hard. a tree fell on my old sponsor's house but she is ok. there are trees and power lines down all over there. i know of one injury and am hoping everyone is ok.

spring is "tornado season" here and i hate it. i have horrible panic attacks and getting kaleb's home work and bath taken care of and then getting back over here is taking its toll. plus being with kelly's mom so much is working my nerves something terrible.

however...the positive out of this that for some reason i have never realized is that I DO NOT WANT TO DIE!! otherwise i would lie down in our trailer and wait for a tornado/high winds to shatter me to pieces.

i have my desperate moments, hours, or even days where my brain thinks death sounds good. but it doesnt. my will to live is VERY strong. i love my life..im grateful for my life..i want my life!!!

anyhow...we still have 2 more days forecasted for severe weather, so we will likely be here a couple more days.

i have had to take more painkillers for my ankle the last few days because ive done so much walking back and forth...also, ive had to take more meds for panic attacks...but other than that, im doing ok.

thursday is going to be sunny and i plan to have a very good day!!! i just am so horrified of severe weather and am really ready for it to give us a break for a while.

thanks for reading.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[effervescence]

Funny how feeling as if you are about to die makes you realise how much you and your body wants to you stay alive.

Survival instincts are strong.

[pea soup]

yes, it really is.

but im so glad that ive actually, deeply realized this and am going to remember it.

[Margo]

Hope you are ok.

[pea soup]

Thank you.

Alabama was devastated. We are the state above them.

We have severe flooding and alot of roads are blocked and people are evacuating.

But so far we are still able to be here. The rivers are overflowing but maybe we wont have to leave.

We still have 2 more days of inches of rain but at least no tornadoes!!

There are still 560 people missing in Alabama and the last I heard there were 269 deaths. It's really terrible. They rated it an EF5 tornado.

Anyhow...thanks guys.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[zivalover16]

wow. I don't blame you for the panic attacks and stuff. I've never seen a tornado but we've had warnings and I guess the tail of a tornado hit my old girl scout camp. I do remember a few years ago the weather was pretty bad and my mom was at my grandparents house visiting and my dad was taking my brother to boy scouts, my dad has a scanner because he is the assistant chief of our fire department and they announce severe weather. Shortly after my dad left the dispatcher announced that the tornado would hit our area in about 10 min. I pretty much lost it and called my mom crying and panicking. She told me to go to my neighbors house and stay with them until someone got home. Nothing really ended up happening except really bad winds (knock trees down). I can't imagine what it must be like to actually live where there is a whole season. I do have a fear of flooding. ok so it's a bad phobia. but if it rains even remotely hard and freak. I won't go outside, I won't drive anywhere or look out the window. The last flood I was in was in Florida on vacation and my bother decided to tease me but as soon as he started my dad literally yelled. (it wasn't a bad flood but the water was at the bottom of the car and a lot of roads were closed.....Anyway, I hope everything plays out ok...yay for no more tornadoes!

[crazykat]

I can't imagine how scary this must be for you but you should be proud of how you are managing despite the anxiety. It is amazing how these sorts of things can make us realize that yes we do want to live.

[Mandimoo]

i am so glad we rarely get freak weather here, occasional flooding or severe storms/snow - i guess snow is our worst enemy but it's liveable, i've never had to be evacuated from my home. hope you're all ok now x

[~Grace~]

so glad you all survived the storms hun...it must have been horrific for you all....much love xx