can't cope

no point · 25-04-2011, 09:50 PM

i'm so sorry to have so many threads up but i so badly need support right now. it's ok if noone wants to respond but i just thought it's worth a try.

the last few weeks have been terrible. i've been constantly thinking about overdosing and finally overdosed on friday. i had to go to the hospital as my heart rate was through the roof and i couldn't start shaking. all i wanted was to sleep after i had taken the overdose like i did with the previous ODs. it was the first time i had gone to a hospital after an OD. they did lots of blood tests and an ECG. i had to talk to the psych who wanted to admit me but i didn't want that. in the end they said i could go home as i'm physically fine.

i don't know how to cope right now. i'm still having constant urges to overdose. i don't have anyone to talk to about this as my therapist is on vacation. i don't know how to not give in to these urges. my mom made me throw away all the pills in the house but i want to go to the pharmacy tomorrow to buy some more. i just want to die. my therapist and psychiatrist mentioned hospitalization before but i don't even think admission can and will help. i don't feel i have any choice other than dying.

i don't even know why i'm posting this. i just need some support, anything really but i understand if noone wants to respond. thanks for reading.

Pi.R^2 · 25-04-2011, 11:24 PM

*hugs*
I'm sorry that you had to go to hospital; I know that's not a great experience.
Do you know why you ended up taking an overdose? And what is it that makes you want to die?

And when does your therapist come back?

NeverBetter · 25-04-2011, 11:58 PM

im sorry to hear what happened hun
sorry bit low on words i hope your ok
*massive hugs*

no point · 26-04-2011, 02:04 AM

Thanks for the hugs and replies. I took the overdose because i basically wanted to die and have been thinking about taking one for a while. I've just been more depressed lately but i dont know what triggered it. My therapist comes back from vacation on monday. I cant sleep. Since the overdose i've been seeing dreams in which i overdose and admitted to hospital. Im scared that my therapist will want me admitted.

xMandarrx · 26-04-2011, 03:58 AM

I'm sorry about what happened and what is happening.
I don't exactly know what to say, but I'm here for you, pm if you need to talk.
*big hug!*

Pi.R^2 · 26-04-2011, 07:19 PM

I hope things go well when you see your therapist after (s)he gets back- have you found therapy to be helpful so far?
How would you feel about being admitted, if your therapist were to recommend it?

no point · 26-04-2011, 07:49 PM

thank you. i can't really say that therapy has been helpful so far. i was suicidal before and i still am suicidal. i have also lost hope on things getting better. my therapist and psychiatrist were already recommending admission but my GP was ignoring them. my GP basically says i'm educated enough not to be suicidal. i don't know how it makes sense but yeah...anyways, i don't know what's going to happen on monday. i think my therapist will recommend admission. my mom also wants me admitted because she learned about the overdose. but i'm so scared of hospitalization. for the last couple of days i haven't been able to sleep. i keep having nightmares of myself ODing, then being admitted and it scares me.

PassedExpectations · 26-04-2011, 08:38 PM

what exactly do you find scary about hospitalization? you could talk those bits over with your therapist, GP, or psych. and if you overdosed to try and kill yourself, i think that would show that your GP isn't really getting the whole picture.

you can also talk about what your therapist and psych's reasoning for wanting to hospitalize you is, and what they think you'd benefit from it.

no point · 26-04-2011, 09:12 PM

i'm scared because i don't know what to expect if i'm hospitalized. i don't know how my family will react either. at the same time i don't feel safe. i did some research and i saw that i was so close to the lethal dosage when i overdosed. that makes me want to try again. since i've overdosed i've been wanting to buy more meds. this time i know how many i need.

talaiporia · 26-04-2011, 10:32 PM

You'll get the help and support you need. Try not to worry too much.
At the end of the day, your family will just have to deal with it.
Try not to OD again.

Pi.R^2 · 27-04-2011, 02:16 AM

I think that whilst it's scary, maybe being admitted would help you at this point? I think your family would just be happy that you're safe!
Try to be as honest as you can on Monday with your therapist, and just see what happens I guess. But don't worry, it will be OK.