I want to be hurt.

[running]

I want to be hurt by others especially my dad more. I want to be bruised and hurt by him and people at school. I think that its because I feel I deserve it and I feel evil and I just want to feel more pain and the pain others give me hurts in a diffrent way to s/h.

My dad hurts me anyway and because he wont stop I want more. Ijust feel the need to be treated like crap cause thats how I feel and I also feel evil.

[Bellatrix]

I completely relate to this.

I do'nt have many words at the moment as I am also in a dark place, but I am here with you, and I will offer gentle cuddles, because you deserve them and not any hurt.

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

You are not evil <3

[Isoverity]

You want to be hurt to compensate for guilt.

The ego is a funny thing. People are meant to 'discern" facts about reality and not emotionally puff up in judgement.

Its possible to discern Hitler was evil without getting an emotional high and ego puff-up from emotionally resenting Hitler. Getting upset and angry with people (and ourselves) - even when they deserve it - creates guilt and anxiety. Its like playing God and judge.

In Star Wars there was a light and dark side of the force. When people are upset and angry they grow into the dark side of their nature and they feel guilt, anxiety and conflict. When people want to harm and kill themselves its really a false self that they hate and resent (which makes things worse).

People could see their error and re-balance themselves in their cores but they often fall into another ego trap and that's trying to judge themselves in order to stay ahead of their conscience. The healthy thing to do is see an error and be sorry about it - but we hate and judge ourselves so that we can play judge instead and condemn ourselves as if we could get ahead of a conflicted conscience.

Lots of women get involved with brutish guys because they 1) feel they deserve no better 2) the guilt the feel from angers past and present often makes them crave compensatory punishment 3) resenting a guy lower than them give an artificial high. Decent guys make a conflicted girl feel bad (the same is often true of decent girls and bad guys)

Some girls have EDs because they feel bloated but it isn't so much their bodies that are bloated as their emotions and ego make them feel bloated.

Kids who have parents get divorced often feel guilty that it is their fault . Of course they aren't and the guilt they feel really comes from resenting their parents and the problems. The guilt gets misinterpreted.

[running]

Sorry but i was a bit confused by that cause I'm a bit thick can u sorta rephrase it don't worry if its too long
And thatnks everyone else but I am evil

[Isoverity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by running

Sorry but i was a bit confused by that cause I'm a bit thick can u sorta rephrase it don't worry if its too long
And thatnks everyone else but I am evil

I have a link (under Home Page) to an article on being upset in my profile - that might be more clear

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

What is it that has made you feel like you are evil? (if you don't mind sharing) Feel free to pm me if you like.
xxx

[running]

Erm I just am. I am not easy to get along with, I get angery at my sisters like my dad, I cursee my dad, doubt my faith, cut, bruise, burn, and make people hate me.

[NeverBetter]

im not sure what to say at the momment but low on words
at the momment also just wanted to say sorry your not in such a great place right now
and keep strong *massive hugs*

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

I'm really sorry you're feeling like that, but those things don't make you evil, they just mean that you're going through a difficult time at the moment which you're having difficulty coping with.
xxx

[running]

I am evil. Sorry x

[x-love/hate/tragedy-x]

You can believe you are, and I will believe that you are not (and hope that some day you can believe this too)
I really wish I could be more helpful in improving your negative self image, but I really don't know that much about you.
Even if you do believe that you are evil it doesn't mean you deserve to hurt in this way.
xxx