I kind of expect other people have had this problem.
I'm a college student. I have psychiatric diagnoses of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist has considered adding chronic depression. I'm also supposed to see a neurologist because my therapist thinks I have sensory defensiveness/sensory processing disorder.
I have done terrible in school since I began college. I don't have the energy to function, and I'm so often triggered that I only go to class about half the time. After this semester, I will barely be in good academic standing, and I have to be to keep my job.
I talked to my counselor about going to disability services because of my diagnoses get in the way of my performance in school. But I'm, honestly, afraid of the label. I know I am not a person with "normal" ability. I know I want and need help. But I'm terrible at communicating, easily overwhelmed, and just plain afraid of being attached to another stigmatized label on top of being queer.
I guess I'm on a road to coming to terms with all of that. It's just hard, I suppose.
Whilst i believe you are going through a lot and it must be really hard to cope with i would like to say please dont put yourself down.
i believe you probably are a person of 'normal' ability [whatever thats defined as these days].i think that maybe your illnesses and difficulties may well provide barriers to being able to fulfill your full potential but that is why disability services are there.To enhance you further, to help you reach your full potential despite your difficulties.
i can see why people would and do feel ashamed at times [i have been there] but you have nothing to be ashamed of and deserve help and support to enable you to overcome your difficulties and achieve what you want to in life just as we all do.
You have had a lot to cope with.Please be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to come to terms with all this.
Hopefully soon you will be able to see it differently and more positively.
i know this is easier said than done especially when feeling as you do but really please dont be ashamed or scared to try and access or receive any help and support you need.
It has to be positive for your future and its good to recognise when we need support and help.That can be a positive too.Needing and seeking out these services does not and should not be seen as a failure or something to be ashamed of or anything of the like.
i hope you can make the most of anything you are offered.
xx xx
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
Thank you, Sleepless. I think that's what I needed to hear and what I need to try and keep in mind.
I didn't mean to be disparaging to myself when I said that I don't function with "normal" ability. What I mean is my ability is different, that's why I need help. I try and not be ableist. People with disabilities aren't "dis"abled, they have different ability. My mental illness isn't going away, and I have to learn to work around it, making my ability a little different than most peoples'.
The way my therapist describes it, is that sometimes my symptoms can be very disabling. Not that 'I am disabled'. Subtle difference, but it helps me.
I'm older than you, and my disability provisions have been at work, not school.
But, possibly like you, my symptoms involve me getting disorientated in time and space - getting lost in the past in the present and losing myself to defensive 'protective against past trauma' mind states. This can really disrupt my ability to express myself and relate with others, and yes, is disabling.
It's not really that I'm/you're intellectually disabled - rather that the intrusion of your symptoms into your mind prevent you from fully accessing that intelligence, because your mind is too busy trying to protect itself from the past, or feeling too weighed down with dark sadness.
After some difficulties at uni, I was told to go to the disability ofice at uni. Filling in the form and having to somehow "admit" I was "disabled" was very very hard, but it really was the BEST thing I could have done. I now have an amazing mentor, and also extra support in other aspects of my studies. I also get DSA which means that I get extra equipment to help support me through my studies.
As much as it i hard to admit that your illness can afect you meeting your full potential, by getting the support, you limit the damage your illness has on your studies.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Lizzie, that is extraordinarily comforting. I've thought about asking someone I know about what disability services are like, but he has a learning disability and I was afraid he might ask about my problems and things. Knowing that it's been helpful to other people makes a world of difference. Part of me has been afraid that they'll turn me away because my problems can be pretty invisible or because I might not be "disabled" enough or something, even though my therapist told me she'd write a letter in support of getting help. Thank you.
I'm going through the process of getting a person with disability pension right now. It was my counselor and my family who wanted me to apply for it. I've had such a hard time accepting it- it's just one more change for me. First I stopped working, then I stopped going to school, and now it's like I'm officially admitting it's because of my mental disorders(GAD, agoraphobia, social phobia and depression). I've been incredibly anxious and depressed because of it but no one in my life can see that- they actually think I'm doing well. It's been hard- I go between the 2 extremes of thinking I really need help(like I should be hospitalized for it) to thinking I'm completely fine(like all my problems were the result of my imagination).
I hope you have an easier time dealing with this than I have had.
Trissy, I hope it goes well for you. I am planning on going sometime this summer. And thank you for sharing your feelings and experience. It's really helpful, because sometimes I feel really alone because of the fact my disabilities have to do with MH.
Yarrow, I can understand. There have been a few times this week that I almost asked my partner to go with me to the hospital, but right now I'm feeling totally fine. I hope you're able to get the help you need. I dropped out of school a few years ago because of MH issues, and have only been back in for a few semesters. I know how hard and scary admitting that can be.
You're not alone in feeling that way, when i lost my job and was very unwell my psych and cpn encouraged me to apply for sickness/disability benefits and at first i put it off for months, but then i ended up in debt and in a mess so had to bite the bullet and apply. I never got any help at uni and its something i regret, i didn't want the disability label but truth be told my mental illness was disabling and was affecting my life and uni stuff. I wish i'd asked for help when i had the chance.
My psych has recently gotten me to apply for a disabled bus pass (can't drive cos of my mh) and its something that still feels weird and not right. I feel like when i hear the word disability it refers to people with physical ailments, but it does and can apply to mental illness too.
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
Beki, I definitely feel like disabled is a label that applies to people regardless of whether their ailment is physical, mental, cognitive, or something else. Mostly I feel like I'm not disabled enough. Which I know is quite silly, considering. It's one of those where my logical brain and emotional brain are at odds, which happens a lot. I'm definitely going to get help at uni, I just have to see a neurologist to make all of my diagnoses official. >.>
