I cant cope with anorexia anymore.
I cant cope with BPD anymore.
I cant cope with my life anymore.
I cant cope with my thoughts.
I cant cope with my feelings.
I cant cope with my ill health.
I cant cope with people.
I cant cope with my mind.
I cant cope with all the medication I have to take.
I cant cope with the world.
I cant cope with anything.
I have made plans and started writing "goodbye"letters.
Sammi please - sweetheart you need to tell your CPN this all tomorrow please.Even if you have to write it down or show her what youve written here.Please Sammi.Please.
Thinking of you and worried for you lots.You have such tremendous fighting spirit you can get through this Sammi.You have come through so much.Please dont give up now.
*Sending you big but gentle hugs and not letting go* [if wanted - understand if not!].
Love ya!
xx xx
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
I saw my CPN yeah, shes very concerned about me and said how serious the situation is, and that she doesnt want me to die etc.
But I swear she hates me, Im not a perfect patient and I wish I could be her perfect patient. I dont know I just got some weird vibes off her today? Because she was saying things I havent heard her say before, and it made me feel really uncomfortable because I didnt know how to take the information she was giving me, or how to percieve what she was saying. I was really confused by her signals. I dont know whether it was her or me, because thats never happened before. Maybe its the way my mood is at the moment, that I am somehow taking things the wrong way?
My CPN is great - amazing in fact, I dont know what I would do without her and we get on really well.
I did phone her and she said to me she didnt hate me etc.
Oh god I dont even know. But seriously I left the appointment wanting to lay in the middle of the motorway, which obviously I didnt, I cant yet because I havent even written letters to people But the way Im feeling right now, I dont even know if Ill have the time or energy to write letters to people. Probably just a note for my CPN explaining why I died.
and I feel so guilty because I am hurting everyone around me and I cant stop it because its my illness. Its not me.
Im a horrible horrible girl.
I really do need to die.
My CPN said she wants to help me - I want her to help me.
But I cant live like this anymore.
No more.
I dont know.
Do you know?
I was kinda angry in our session, with myself, because I hadnt written a letter about things and normally I do, so I didnt really manage to say the things I wanted. Apart from I want to jump off a high building.
God I dont know I dont even know what Im trying to say
You're not a horrible person, you said yourself its your illness. my bestfriend wrote me a goodbye letter when she tried to commit suicide last summer- honestly the most heartbreaking thing i have ever read. you sound just like her^ thats why i commented, because last year this was her and now she's doing really well. i dont care how cheesy this sounds.. you need to believe in yourself. you can get through this, you just have to find something worth fighting for.
my baby brother died and i wanted to die too. but, my parents had already lost one child i couldnt let them lose two. see what i mean? that was worth fighting for.
just remember there are people out there that love and care for you. dont give up, if not for you then for them. stay strong :)
But the way Im feeling right now, I dont even know if Ill have the time or energy to write letters to people. Probably just a note for my CPN explaining why I died. 
I dont even know what Im trying to say 
