Graphic - I can't die soon enough...triggering

sexyvampire · 19-04-2011, 02:30 AM

I wish I was invisible,I wish I didn't have to be here anymore. I wish I didn't have kids so that when/if I ever kill myself I don't have to have that guilt that I know I'm really going to screw up my kids for the rest of their lives. I go to sleep every night praying I die in my sleep and I wake up everyday depressed that I'm still here. I've always known(even when I was little)that I'm going to die by my own hand. I F***ing HATE my life. Even when I'm cutting on myself I don't have the guts to go just a little deeper and really end it and you know why? I don't want to leave such a bloody mess for my family to clean up. How pathetic is that??
Sometimes life just hurts!!!!!

perfecx · 19-04-2011, 03:33 AM

yeah, it hurts but it also gets better. but not magikly....do you want to be happy?do you try?

sexyvampire · 19-04-2011, 04:44 AM

No, It does not get better. It's been horriffic since I was 7 and it has not gotten better. I want to be happy and I do try but so far it hasn't happened. I was not meant to be happy or alive for that matter.

sexyvampire · 19-04-2011, 11:10 PM

You know I've noticed that all the "regular people" on here get all the responces and support and people who are new like me don't get shit for support. I think that's pretty messed up! I've had 29 views for my post and only 1 person responded. Only 1 person had anything to say to me?? REALLY?? I came on here for support and I feel like a piece of shit because nobody gives a f***. What do I have to do to get a little support?????? I'm not looking for attention, I just need a shoulder to cry on or a few kind words to get me through this. People on here shouldn't play favorites it makes us "newbies" feel left out. I'm a human not a animal.

JumpingJellytots.xD · 19-04-2011, 11:39 PM

I am so sorry not many people have replied. Some people read and never know the right thing to say. Neither do I.
But theres gottah be a light at the end of the tunnel right?
Do you have professional help and support?

You DO deserve to be happy, and you WILL one day be able to be. It can take many years to work through the cause of your distress. Keep waiting on for your childrens sake. I hope you find the strength to continue.

Pm me anytime for a chat <3

Pomegranate · 19-04-2011, 11:47 PM

It is not pathetic to feel the way you mentioned in your original post.

I actually don't think your last post is particularly fair. Your first post is pretty hard to reply to. You go on about how much you want to die and how awful things are but that is about it. What are people supposed to say? 'No please don't kill yourself, think of the kids and your family who love you?'. About the only thing that is clear apart from your apparent pain in your OP is that you do think about your family. People are also more likely to reply to people who have tried to help them in the past and not just replied to their own support threads.

When someone posted and asked a couple of questions you basically shot them down. Sometimes older and more regular members do get more replies but that is because their situations are better known and people therefore feel more able to give helpful responses. I could have just replied with *hugs, hope things get better* but that would not be helpful either would it? The more information you give about your life, what is going on for you, the thoughts, feelings, things that you've tried, support you have etc the more people will be likely to reply and want to help. I did read your thread earlier today and I didn't reply, not because you were new, or because I couldn't be bothered or because you weren't worth my time. I didn't reply because your original post is a rant about how awful things are for you and yes, sometimes that is necessary and I don't think there is anything wrong with it but it does make it hard to make any constructive replies to.

xlaurenx · 19-04-2011, 11:56 PM

Do you want to talk about what's happened at all? About when you were younger? You dont have to, am just saying.

Again, are you getting any support or getting any professional help?

xx

sexyvampire · 20-04-2011, 03:41 AM

pomegranate.. I apologize for my post. I'm embarressed that I wrote that. I understand what you said and your right. I guess I'm not in a very good frame of mind right now and I didn't mean what I said. I have posted on here a few times and people have always been nice to me. If there was a way to delete it I would. I came to this site for the support I don't get anywhere else and I guess sometimes it just gets very frustrating. Again I do apologize to you and everyone else.