I love you bundles and bundles, and I know many members here do also. You're such a caring and beautiful person. I hope you're okay, please know you can talk to us if you need to. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping if you need to, you can lean on us. Please reach out for support if you need too.
JodiE has given me permission to tell you what happened to make things so hard. Basically myself and her had some sexual encounters (which was fine) but we also invited a guy up to the same room, whom JodiE did things with that she feels perfectly comfortable with. However then he left the room and I fell asleep. While I was sleep he came back and forced himself into JodiE. She said no and he kept having sex with her. Only after she had repeated it a few times did he withdraw and even then he stayed for hours talking. I took her to get the morning after pill and checks but she's struggling to figure out whose to blame and with feelings of being dirty and unclean. She has subsequently overdosed.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Jodie, that sounds horrible for you. The guy is to blame in this, definitely not you. You said no and he should have respected that. Please let your friends help you through this, and reach out when you need to.
Katy, I'm glad you were/are looking after her, and try to make sure you are looking after yourself too.
What the bloke did the 2nd time was wrong, it's him that is to blame; it wasn't your fault and you certainly did not deserve to have that happen to you.
I don't really have many words Jodie but I just wanted to give you some love. What happened to you most definitely wasn't your fault so try and take the blame away from yourself. Whatever happened beforehand, has nothing to do with what he did afterwards.
Apart from your fear of the 'r' word, has talking to your therapist helped?
Like others said, what happened afterwards was definitely not your fault. If the guy hadn't forced himself on you the second time then nothing would have happened, so it couldn't possibly be your fault.
What he did is in no way your fault, at all. He should have listened to you when you said no, even if you had been doing stuff before hand. No matter what, it's your choice. If you don't want to do stuff that choice should be respected. He's the disgusting one in this, not you. I promise.
What your therapist said is right, but if you don't like looking at it that way, then you don't have to. How it effects you is more important than the label.
And Katy, make sure your looking after yourself too.
It can't have been.... that. That word if for people who have been really hurt, not for people who probably asked for it :(
Last time... with my 'grandfather'.... I got told I shouldn't dress in shorts and strappy tops because my body affects me. It's my fault. If I hadn't shown my body...
I want to make it go away. Cut it off starve it off. I don't want anyone to look at my sexually. I feel sick. I was sick last night after nightmares. So I took too many sleeping pills to make it go away. And I still feel disgusting and dirty.
but you didnt ask for it. you said no and that is the importain thing. If you say no and he keeps going then that is the 'r word'.
sorry you feel so horrible.
*offers safe hugs*
Jodie, it is NOT your fault and no matter what you did you didin't 'ask for it'.
You said no which he should have respected and stopped straightaway. Everyone is entitled to change their mind and any point and anyone with any decency would stop.
Jodie sweetheart, I'm really sorry I can't offer more than all my love and mahoosive cuddles right now. I just want to echo what the others have said....xx
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
Not your fault. If it was anyone's it was mine for not protecting you/putting you in harms way.
I know you can feel exposed even after things like that have happened but that is usually down to hypersensitivity which ensues after a traumatic event (look it up if you don't know what it is), not people actually looking at you.
Has your therapist been helpful?
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
