first post and unsure

Bluerev · 12-04-2011, 10:52 AM

Hiya, this is my first post so I'm a little nervous and unsure but I just know I have to get how i'm feeling out in the open.

I have been depressed for a number of years and have self harmed I thought I was doing ok as I'd gone for 12 months without any SI. But last year my mum died suddenly and I've gone steadily down hill ever since I have self harmed twice in the last couple of months and today the urge is really strong. I want to cut today really badly.

I apologise in adavance if this is in the wrong place or upsets anyone it's not intentional but I just need to get it out in the open.

tifflehan · 12-04-2011, 12:30 PM

Hi there. Maybe could've gone in introductions but hey, doesn't matter to me. Welcome aboard. Everyone here is very supportive and if ya wanna chat, I'm here.
xx

Bluerev · 12-04-2011, 12:38 PM

I thought about putting it introductions but was concerned because of my urges to cut today.

It's like I'm about to explode but am unable to actually put into words the feelings that go with it. I just want a hug from my mum - she always made me feel better

tifflehan · 12-04-2011, 12:44 PM

That must be really tough for you. Is any one else there for you?

((( hugs )))

roiben · 12-04-2011, 01:53 PM

I am sorry to hear you have suffered a loss so recently. I understand how hard that must be to go through and it is understandable that you have been struggling.

I wonder whether you think going to a GP and asking for some support, perhaps counselling would be an idea for you? It may be that talking about how you feel can help you through your grief and also look at safer ways to deal with all the emotions that come with it.

There is a forum here on RYL for grief and loss I believe... so it may be worth taking a look there, as there may be some good advice available there and also a safe place for you to put how you are feeling.

Be gentle with yourself. I know that can feel incredibly hard to do right now, but I think learning to treat yourself gently and with compassion could help right now.

Roiben x

makedamnsure · 12-04-2011, 02:04 PM

Hey, I don't know how old you are, but I lost my mum suddenly, 5 years ago now. And had been self harming many years before her death, and have slipped up many times after.

If you ever want to talk about it feel free to PM me.

In the meantime try and hold on to the fact that you have done so well for so long without cutting. There is always something you can do instead of hurting yourself.

If it will help, perhaps looking through some of your mums stuff, or photos of her will make you feel comforted. If its still too raw for that, then there are other things like drawing or writing, or even curling up in bed with a hot drink. Remember, its ok to cry.

Take care. And roiben is right, its important to be gentle with yourself.

Bluerev · 12-04-2011, 03:26 PM

Thanks everyone, I just really struggle with expressing any kind of emotion and have felt the need to be strong for everyone else around me.

I'm almost 37 and have gone back to feeling like a little girl, my family don't know that I self harm but part of me wants to show them the cuts and say this is why i'm hurting - does that make sense?

tifflehan · 12-04-2011, 04:33 PM

Yes it makes sense. And it's ok to say, "hey I need help and hugs too."

long road · 12-04-2011, 08:52 PM

everyone feels little sometimes.
And losing your parents is very hard, they are the people who you have always known and loved. maybe some bereavement counselling might help. i dunno bit bad at advice today but wanted to leave my support.
best wishes
jen

other forums that might help:
vets corner: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...splay.php?f=77
grief etc: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...splay.php?f=75