53 and messed up

[chrisl]

wife left me nearly 2 years ago , toke overdose got through that tried meds didnt work just on diazipam now as and when needed . i work and have my 17 year old son with me my other son 21 went with his mum.and all i wont to do is end it all , the only thing stopping me is my son because i love him so much , but every day it gets harder to stop my self from doing it. just started to cut my self then my son came home so stopped he does not now i do that . but i have to do it to stop me from doing some thing worse. its just getting harder and harder each week ,i dont know why i am telling you all this i suppose because there is know one else to tell or know one else understands .

[CaiteeBug]

I don't have many words of comfort, but I hope things get better for you.

[tifflehan]

I guess we all know what ya feeling like pretty much. Could you tell the doc maybe?

[crazykat]

Things sound really difficult for you, it doesn't sound like you have a lot of support though. Maybe this is something to look into? Here if you ever need someone to talk to. Hold on there
Kat xxx

[chrisl]

thanx for the replies, still under the docs and crisis team and have been in a safe house for 2 weeks . crisis team have told me sooner or later they think i will end my life which i already now , just for the moment i try to keep going for my son but its getting so hard now . having so much pressure at work and what with my other son not seeing me any moor ,i just feel so sorry for my son that lives with me it will destroy him when i finally end my life. the thing is i am very rational person and will try and help any body if i can , all my work friends think i make the care home a good place to work all the residents like me because i have a good sense of humor .But things have changed so much in my home life i am unable to get over it .I think some people know when there time is and all the meds and talking just wont change what is ment to be. i hope i can keep going for a bit longer and i think this is why i have started to cut myself to keep me going. sorry for sounding so morbid but i suppose i was just hoping that some one might understand why i have to do what i have to do, we had been together for 30 years me and my wife and now thats all gone

[crazykat]

I am glad you have some support. I however disagree with you that you have no hope left and that eventually you will die. I don't believe that is anyone is beyond help sometimes though it is about finding the right support. Don't lose hope because you can get through this.

[chrisl]

I would like to think you were right Kat , But deep down i know its what i want , and i know when it will be . thanx for your reply Kat

[CrystalMc]

There is always hope left Chris. And as much as I understand what you are saying about how you feel at the moment, I think a lot of us on here have felt or do feel the same, you really need to see that ending your life is not the only conclusion here.

It's not going to be easy but you can beat this, and you have the docs and therapists there every step of the way. I would say that you need to get through this for the sake of your son but i think you know that already, what you need to do is get through this for yourself, so you can hold you head up high again. It must be so hard having split from your wife, and I'm so sorry your going through this, but you can come through the other side :) and whilst it may not be the same life there is a life out there that you can and should be able to enjoy.

Always here if you need to chat :) x

[chrisl]

Yes CrystalMc you are right i do have to think of my son and i do . I love him to bits and that is why i am still hear . But i know the day will come when he decides to go his own way as he should . Take care CrystalMc