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72 Hours at the Hospital
So I just got back from the hospital.
I was taken by cop car from my school's clinic to the hospital, where I waited like 6 hours and finally was escorted by a security guard up to the ward, where I stayed for 72 due to "increased suicidal ideation with intention to act", along with "self-harm". All my life, I feared going here. That's finally where I ended up.
I think it really did help. I got a lot of stuff sorted out there because, well, what else was there to do? I saw a ton of doctors and nurses who really helped me out, I have a plan for what I'm going to do now, and, I still have yet to get over it, I'm not going to nanny for this family anymore.
The truth slowly came out at the hospital. When I was being taken, I told them it was just for medicine adjustment. When Shannon (the woman I nanny for) came in that night, she saw my bandages and kinda guessed right away that was what I was doing. The next night, she told me that she knew I didn't need to be hospitalized just for a change of medication, and that they must have feared for my life. The next night, she and her boyfriend came in to tell me that I probably should take some time off from the kids to focus on getting well and my studies. So Shannon's boyfriend is letting me live in his house for free since he lives with Shannon most of the time, and that I would only become an occasional babysitter to the kids. It's really sad, since I love the kids, but I can see that I need a little more time for myself. Scheduling around being a nanny was so stressful. And I have a few months now to save up for renting out somewhere.
For school, I'm still uncertain about what will happen. I'll wrestle with the financial aid office and registrar one more time, and if that doesn't work, I'll transfer to the local community college. It's hard to swallow, but I have more hope now about doing it.
I also got put on new medicine (Effexor, 150mg) instead of my 20mg of Prozac. I only had half the dose while at the hospital, but they gave it to me in addition to Prozac to sort of wean me off of it. So now that I'm getting the full dose, I feel a lot more sleepy and will probably be hitting the hay right away.
I'll probably write more in my journal, but just wanted to give the gist of my experience to everyone, especially those who've helped me out in the past. <3
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