Fighting the urge to take a large OD may trigger

boobie · 07-04-2011, 09:51 PM

Basically the title! I am really struggling and don't know if I can stop my self acting on these urges.

88shelz · 07-04-2011, 10:04 PM

if you feel you cannot keep yourself safe or be with someone who can help keep you safew then please go to the hospital to seek some help from the emergency psychiatrist.

Pi.R^2 · 07-04-2011, 10:05 PM

Why do you want to OD?
Please try to stay safe. Is there anyone around who you could chat to, just to keep you safe?

boobie · 07-04-2011, 10:17 PM

I don't just want to hurt myself I want to die. I have been waiting for this night. Set the date months ago and knowing that a date was set kept me going? I kept telling myself that all I had to do was make it to this date then I could self destruct. Now it's here I am scared and unsure. How is that possible when I have been so set on it? I feel so conflicted.

I have never went to hospital before self harming before and don't think I would be able to out of anxiety, plus they won't take me seriously, will they? I don't even feel like I take myself seriously? How can I be so set on living and dying at the same time? I don't even know if that even remotley covers how I am feeling right now? I am mainly scared! Scared of mysel and my continuous failures!

tamobhuuta · 07-04-2011, 10:54 PM

i've got to taht point before. you don't have to OD, is there anyway you could call someone or go to hosp for help?

boobie · 07-04-2011, 11:34 PM

I am not sure how anyone could help? I feel beyond help?

Thank u guys for replying x

NeverBetter · 07-04-2011, 11:40 PM

massive hugs hun please dont do it , i know now it seems like it will never get better but it willl it may seem far away but you have to ffight this
i know you are hurting but please so many people love and care for you how do u think they may feeel if u werent here no more ....................
i understad how u feel and i know your unsure ive done it before and its because inside your head heirs a little feeling saying i dont wanna die i just want help and people to take me seriously
please reach out for help people will take you seriously
maybe ring a helpline say you feel like you wanna die behonest they maybe able to get someone to check on you help you put you somewhere safe til you feel better
no1 is ever far from help their is always a way

massive hugs

Pi.R^2 · 08-04-2011, 01:26 AM

*hugs*
Setting a date for sometime in the future is a good idea- as it puts it out of your mind til then, giving things a chance to heal. The fact that you're now unsure definitely means you shouldn't do it. If you have any doubt at all that it's not the right thing to do, then don't do it. Suicide can never be taken back. Could you choose a new date, sometime in the future, to give you some more time to work through things?

If you don't feel confident enough to go to A and E, why not try ringing a helpline, like forgivemenot said. It would be good for you to be able to chat to someone like the samaritans to work through your feelings.

Do you have any professional help for this?

tamobhuuta · 08-04-2011, 08:47 AM

how are things this morning? hope you got through safely x

boobie · 08-04-2011, 09:07 AM

Thanks for replying everyone, I am still here, settled for an other date, Monday. Not far away but the best I could settle on last night. I still feel really crappy, feel a bit of a let down to myself by not doing it. Anxiety just took over like it does with the rest of my life! I am so confused by my own head right now! Does anyone relate to this?

I am under a psych but am aiming to be discharged at my next appointment in may. I feel that he confuses things further, and when things ate bad and I am honest about it, he always talks about an admission, which terrifies me and sends me running.

Thanks again it helped knowing people were there.

NeverBetter · 08-04-2011, 09:43 AM

i do relate to what your saying hun
maybe talk to your profseesional workers what is going on and how your feeling i know what he is suggesting is scarey but it may actually help you
its ok to be scared we all get scared doing things that worry us and are frightening but it may not be as bad as you imagine are mind always seems to runnaway with us and think of things like its going to be x10 worse if that makes sesne

boobie · 08-04-2011, 10:03 AM

Thank u! It does make sense. U make complete sense! I just find professionals hard to let in? I feel I spend my whole life trying to have control and I am scared that he will strong in and take all my control away? I already feel in free fall. I think maybe this is what I should be focusing on? Not so much the live or die but the staying stuck or moving forward? I need to decide and stick with it. It's just fear total fear. Although I feel crappy and am not in a good place, it's familiar, the unknown is always scary!

NeverBetter · 08-04-2011, 10:58 AM

hun i can so relate im so scared to let people in it is scarey i will not lie
i just let them in a little bit at a time take baby steps i mean with my professionals they only know not even half of the who storey and backround for me and ive been with professionals since i was 13 im 18 now ...................try letting them in a little bit write little bits down if it helps im sorry to hear your struggling i can understand how this would be making you feel wish i could help more
i wanna die most days but when it comes to it i do wanna die but dont wanna die but dont wanna live like so confused which way to turn but a little bit of me says dont do it think who you will hurt then the other hought is like a devil do it do it and then my own thoughts is oh god! i dont wanna die but i see no other way out
so i can relate in some sort of way i guess

sorry bit uselss with advice

Pi.R^2 · 09-04-2011, 11:46 AM

If you don't find it easy to talk to your psych, could you try finding other people to talk to, who can still help, but who won't scare you? Maybe counselling, or a support group?

Finding a direction and moving forward is always good- what sort of stuff do you aspire to do with your life?