Graphic - Feeling very sucidal need support , advice . I really don't what to do anymore

dawnie · 06-04-2011, 01:05 AM

I am feeling very sucidal . I'm really struggling to hold it together anymore. I just want to be dead. I feel like everyone will be better off without me. I have been very depressed and I ain't sleeping my family keep arguing and I'm still caught up in the middle of it nobody seem to care what effect it has on me. I have tried to talk to them to stop arguing they just don't listen anymore. My sister thinks in just making up my mental health problems. My landlord has kick me out of my flat and moved someone else in with go ing me any notice an top of that he says I owe him £500 an he has taken my tv and washing machine has payment . The person who moves into the flat was my supposed to be my friend . My sister got a debt bill £490and is blaming that one. I have already took an overdose last week and I'm wanting to finish the job or just sit on the main line wait for a train . I just have had enough and can't take no more crap. Just had enough. I has a chat with my best friend tonight and she done her best to listen and support me the best she can. She has told me that she is really worried about me . I hav e wrote a letter to my gp but she will get me to see an outreach worker but I don't think that will work anymore I just don't have the energy todo anything I just stay in pjs all day play with the dog I am not really sleeping as I my mind is just thinking on how I can end my life . The only good thing in my life is my 4 best friends and my 2 boys but they are now been adopted .

talaiporia · 06-04-2011, 06:13 AM

People would absolutely not be better off without you. That is simply not true.
The fact that you're not sleeping probably isn't helping your mood, and your family is just making things worse.

What happened with your landlord? It sounds like he's breached the contract - he can't just kick you out. Why do you owe money? It might be worth talking to Citizen's Advice Buereau, and seeing what they suggest.

Please don't take another OD. I'm not sure your liver could take it. People care about you, you have people in you life like your sister and parents. Don't do this. And definately don't try to get hit by a train. It's horrific for you, and even more so for the poor driver, and those passangers. Suicide affectsso many people. It might be your choice, but it's not you that lives with the consequences.

If you are actively suicidal or unsafe go to A&E and speak to someone there. If not, go to your GP and see if you can get an urgent appointment to speak to her.

dawnie · 07-04-2011, 12:38 AM

O am seeing my support worker tomorrow and o am speaking to the smartiams gonna try and see my gP tomorrow

Sleepless123 · 07-04-2011, 02:43 AM

Sorry i didnt see this sooner.It sounds like you have an awful lot going on for you right now and it sounds like it must have all been so hard and stressful.

im glad your seeing people tomorrow.Do you think you will be able to tell them at all just how bad things have been?If you think you may have difficulty doing this do you think maybe you could write something for them again perhaps if this might be easier or at least good to have as a back up because its really important they know whats going on right now.i know it can be very hard and scary to tell people though and you are being very brave.Even show them this post here if you need to as you really have written things out very well.

Also i think its another great idea to use the Samaratians at least meanwhile to try and keep yourself safe during this really difficult time so well done for trying to do that too.

Also well done for telling your friend.That was really brave and im glad you did and also that you accept they are understandably concerned and this is of course cos they care for you very much and dont want you to be feeling like this or for anything bad to happen to you.But you were right to share and im sure that they were glad you did too.It was very brave.

Can you tell your GP if you think having an outreach worker wont work this time?Why do you think it wouldnt work for you this time?What do you think may help [if you have any ideas] and would you be able to tell them any suggestions you may have?

Regarding the landlord what he has done sounds really unprofessional and i actually dont think its allowed?Has he shown you any documents etc or is it in your contract that he could make you leave without notice/you knowing or just take your things in place of what he thinks you owe him?Why does he say you owe him money [though even if you did owe himi still think he is out of order and im pretty sure he cant behave like this]?

i really would highly suggest you seek advice from any support worker or outreach worker you have or get given about what the landlord has done and i really would urge you to do this as soon as possible and at the very least to contact the Citizens Advice Bureau to get their advice/support on this too.

Regarding your family situation maybe this is also something you could discuss with your GP or anyone supporting you too and maybe they can help you work out ways to deal with it.i know it can be really hard when there is constant arguing in a household especially when combined with lack of sleep etc too....hard beyond belief and stressful beyond what can be imagined at times so i understand why you feel it is making you worse.As i say it may be a worker/your GP can help you deal with the situation better or even talk to your family about how it effects you so much or help you to talk to them more about tthis and hopefully eventually help them understand it really is effecting you.

Also does your GP or anyone know about the overdose you took last week?Please tell them especially if you have not already sought medical attention.It is really really important and pleae do not take more.

Sorry there are so many questions here.You dont have to answer all of them or in fact any of them at all!i understand totally if you dont want to or dont feel up to it and i dont want to make you feel uncomfortable either.

Please dont give up and please keep talking to us.im sorry my reply probably hasnt been any use at all but i just mainly want to let you know i care.i know that probably isnt much help right now sorry but i am here if you want someone to listen.

How are you feeling right now?Are you safe?

xx xx

dawnie · 07-04-2011, 07:40 PM

don't worry i got some medical attention , I can't get into see my GP until 21st April as my doctor is very popular and if we don't ring up at 8pm we cant see a doctor . it's bloody stupid if u ask me.

I kind of had a chat with my support worker but she gonna spend some time with me tomorrow and go through the letter fro my GP what i have wrote her.

i went to my mental health group today just to be around people as i am still feeling very low and still have sucidal urges and self harm urges . i am fighting them the best i can

i just feel so crap and low

i only forund out my friend took a overdose when i left her on tuesday night which i am starting to blame myself for if i didnt open up to her maybe she wouldnt of done it

I do have my self harm group tomorrow which i am attending

talaiporia · 09-04-2011, 01:02 AM

I'm glad you got medical attention. Do you think you could get an earlier appointment if you explained that it is urgent?

Keep fighting. Don't worry too mcuh about your friend. It is not your fault.

dawnie · 09-04-2011, 07:52 PM

I am going th try and get an earlier appointment. My support worker has printed the letter out for my gp I am going to deliver it on Tuesday when I pick it up of my support worker has she was printing it out doe as I don't have a printer.

talaiporia · 12-04-2011, 04:06 AM

Have you managed to get an earlier appointment? Good luck today.

dawnie · 13-04-2011, 06:20 PM

Nope has none left I have to try and ring up 8am on the day so am going try and ring up in the morning

talaiporia · 15-04-2011, 02:23 AM

Have you managed to get an appointment now? How are you doing?

dawnie · 16-04-2011, 06:08 PM

Not too good just totally given up now . Nope not been able to get an appointment seriously thinking walking over to a and e

talaiporia · 23-04-2011, 02:08 PM

Don't give up. Keep fighting.
A&E might be a good idea if you're feeling unsafe. How are you doing now?

dawnie · 05-05-2011, 01:33 AM

i am at the point of giving up now. I am going down to mental Health matters tomorrow to talk to someone there

Sleepless123 · 05-05-2011, 01:40 AM

Hey im sorry things are so hard, terrible and tough for you.

It sounds really positive about the appointment tomorrow though and i really hope it helps.Please let us know.

Also did anything positive come from the letter to the GP etc?Do you still see your support worker regularly and do they know how much you are struggling right now/how bad things really are right now?Though i understand jof course if you dont want to talk about any of this.Was just wondering.

How are you feeling tonight?Please try to hang on in there and keep safe.It is so good to see you online again.

xx xx

dawnie · 06-05-2011, 10:02 PM

im hoping to get somewhere on monday when i see a diffrent doctor, i am still quite low hanging in there by a thread , yeah i see her regular as she is quite concered toabout me if i dont see her i am on the phone to her. she is down in London this week but i have been intouch with one of her colleges