I feel like my mind is breaking, beyond dissociation
I wasn't sure what else to title this.
I'm not well, physically or emotionally.
I have a stomach problem, and a really bad headache. I feel utterly exhausted.
And I feel like my mind is breaking.
I emailed my manager last week [well, part of me did] about my concerns regarding feeling excluded and inferior etc at work, and how can I communicate to my colleagues without bothering them that actually my situation IS stressful too. She emailed me back today - she'll speak with me on Thursday. And now I'm scared that I'll get into trouble.
I feel so so strung out. I'm not well. I'm trying my best to keep going, and waiting for each wave of terrified loneliness and rage etc to pass and flow in again and waiting and so forth.
I need a rest from the stress at work and home. I need comfort and companionship. I need kindness and warmth. I need to cry, but it hurts too much.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling so unwell.
Is there anyone you could go to who could provide some non-internet companionship? We are here as well, I just know that sometimes it's helpful to physically have someone around, too.
Can you think of what makes you worried that you'll get into trouble on Thursday? It sounds to me like you have been trying to recognise and express your needs, and that is perfectly acceptable. Maybe your manager wants to be able to sit down with you in a safe way and talk things through in person, so that you can know you have her support and that she will try to help you with some of the current struggles.
Are there any ways you could help yourself to relax at the moment?
I'm sorry I can't help more. I'm sending you as much warmth as is possible.
I can't add more to what disappear (Laura?) has said, but I wanted to send well wishes and gentle warmth your way. I really hope these distressing feelings pass as soon as possible for you.
xx
I feel so so fragile. That empty hollow ache which I had in my chest and belly the other week, it's moved to around my ribs.
I'm doing physically better today, although I woke up with stomach ache/trapped wind again - it did ease off though.
I feel so fragile.
Laura, my concerns re the work thing are that I'll be told to put everyone else's needs first and support them, and not bring my MH needs in inappropriately. The thing is, I feel so fragile and sore that I can't always control what forefronts me.
All I want to do is curl up under the duvet - or have someone hold me.
I don't really have much to add from what Laura has already written but I do think it is important to come up with some way to help you feel a little more protected or even something to soothe the way you are feeling. Have you tried any relaxation techniques to help manage some of this built up tension inside you? Also is there somewhere you can go away from home work even if it is just for a walk to sit in a nice quiet park for 30 minutes. Hold on there hun.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
We need to maybe organise a meet up at some point - Sounds like you need the real cuddles and someone who can talk things through with you. I am happy to do that, if you think it would help?
I am only a text away. So do text or email me as much as you need.
I am sorry I do not have better words right now - I do hope sitting down with the manager helps. You should not be in any trouble for expressing how you are feeling and seeking a way to work around and with it, and it is normal for a manager to want to address such things face to face.
If your urge right now is to bury under the duvet, then do allow yourself that. I think also, take advantage of some of the better weather we are having and take a walk in a park or something similar, so that you can allow yourself to relaxation and soothing element.
Wishing I could help more, I understand how feeling stressed can begin to impact phsyically, as I get this with my depression - The only thing I can suggest is to be aware of your body and what it is telling you, and to make plans for rest and recupperation. Perhaps book in a long weekend with your manager - Or look to take the time between the bank holidays off work (Friday 22 April is Good Friday, the Monday is Easter Monday and then that next Friday 29 April is royal wedding... taking those and the Tues-Thurs in between off would allow a much needed rest).
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I'm doing my best to hold my understanding of the feelings - and using Rescue Remedy. I can get a good long sleep tonight - hopefully.
Like, I know that feeling rejected/abandoned makes me feel like I'm a bad, worthless person. And I know that the connection comes from the past, not the present. Yet the feelings are still VERY intense.
Katie. you are far from a bad and worthless person. although, many of us, especially right at this time, can strong relate to how you are feeling. Yes, the feelings can be quite intense and feel very real. Especially hiding, feels as such. Just try to keep in mind, these are only feelings. They do not prove that you are or that any of these feelings hold any truth. hang in there and take care . Wishing you the best in life and happiness. Karma (&all)
Your not bad or worthless and it's good you can see where these feelings come from. What can you do to make yourself feel a bit better? Have you ever tried positive affirmations, I find when I am feeling worthless etc that they can help. Hold on there hun xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
