I'm always pretending.
Pretending that I'm fine.
Pretending to be in a good mood.
Pretending that I'm in control.
Pretending that I'm sane.
Pretending that I love life.
Pretending pretending pretending
want to get help. cant do it, cause I can't stop pretending.
It's impossible for me.
I tried.
Can't stop.
(It's so impossible for me to post this. Just hit 'submit'.)
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
I can understand how exhausting it must be for you to keep pretending like you are fine when, by the nature of your post, it seems that things really aren't okay.
Do you want to tell us a bit more about what would happen if you stopped pretending and how you are really feeling?
Perhaps, if you could write it down here, you could print it off and show somebody. That might be a good way to reach out for help if you otherwise find it difficult.
*hugs*
It's a safe place to talk here, if you want to. You can also always PM me if you'd prefer.
Take care
xx
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
It sounds like there's something you really need to let out but you can't see any way of doing it.
Do you think you're pretending so that you can protect yourself from feeling hurt? Or some other reason.
Pretending takes up a huge amount of energy, and you can't keep doing it forever. Like Mikey suggested, find somewhere where you feel safe and try to talk or write about what's underneath all the pretence, even if at first you can't share it, just writing it for you might be helpful.
pm me if you want.
S
x
Каждому, каждому в лучшее верится,
Катится, катится голубой вагон!
Exploded today.
my poor family.. so much yelling and crying.
I really tried to keep it together but I failed. again.
tried to comunicate what I feel and what could be better, but they didn't listen.
I'm a bit better now... after I yelled at my family for a bit this afternoon. Still pretending though. I have to pretend to function.
work is stressing me. a lot. have to do the same thing every day at the factory. my back is hurting, from work. went to the doctor, he prescribed me pain meds. meds aren't working. I'm still in pain (a bit less though) and now I have funny little red spots in my face. Must be a side effect of the not working meds.
My dad went away for the weekend again, like every week. To his girlfriend, I'm happy for him to have a girlfriend again. I never get to see him now, can't for for a trail ride or do vaulting without him lunging. Kinda sucks, cause I always have to take care of the horse on the weekends. I like it, but now it's not a hobbie anymore. More like a job. No freetime.
Dad, I love him but I hate him so much. It's all my fault though, so I shouldn't hate him, right?
thank you for replying.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
While him having a gf can be a good thing, leaving you to do everything in his absence, isnt.
Can you talk to him?
Tell him you need a break from the work outside of work?
You sound very overwhelmed...
What is 'all your fault'?
What would happen if you quit pretending?
What is scary about that for you?
I tried to talk with him many many times. It all ended with us yelling at each other and me not talking with my dad for a week.
Everything he did to me is my fault. He never did anything to my siblings, so obviously there must be something wrong with me. He just wants the best for me, but I keep failing.
4 years ago when HE left I wasn't pretending all the time. the times when I didn't pretend I cryed for hours. Sometimes till someone found me, changed me and put me to bed. Then I didn't eat or speak for almost 2 days. It was always the same.
I think I'm turning into a living zombie. I cut last night and the night before, but it didn't hurt. It was as if I was cutting someone elses arm. I cut deeper, but it still didn't hurt. Scared to cut too deep.
It's the only way to get through another day/week I know. And it's not working anymore.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
sorry to bump this up again, but I don't want to start a new thread now.
I went to make an appointment with a psychotherapist 2 hours ago.
Stood in front of the door for 10min, then someone came out and I had to go in because I was blocking the way.
Almost threw up... meh.
The appointment is on May 16th. I'm so ****ing scared... all I want to do is punch things and throw up (don't know why I want to throw up I havent done it on purpose before). I can't eat.
What's going to happen with me?
Someone told me that I have to go not matter what.. that it is a matter of life and death. it feels like it is the other way around. It feels like I shouldn't go. I should cancel the appointment. Or just not show up. They only have my name, cause I didn't give them my phone number.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
