Im falling to bits :( help

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 03:05 PM

I have messed up again im so weak I can't live like this the urges r too strong and I don't think I can stop myself from cutting again I'm goin to lose my son over this and I don't want that to happen but I can't stop now I want to do more. I was free for 11 months but I have fuck that up too.

roiben · 01-04-2011, 04:38 PM

You do not have to do anything. Can you contact your GP, or even call a crisis number or the cmht and let them know how you are feeling.

Keep reaching out for support. You can get through this, but you are not meant to struggle alone, so do ask for that help.

Roiben x

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 05:36 PM

Yeah I know but om scared they we contact social services and then they will come down and take my son away from me, he's only 8 weeks old

tifflehan · 01-04-2011, 06:07 PM

Please call someone. It will be better. xx

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 06:13 PM

I have no one to ring that I trust

tifflehan · 01-04-2011, 06:17 PM

Can you call the gp?

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 06:35 PM

I could but they wil ring social service and I don't them involved cause they could take my son away

tifflehan · 01-04-2011, 06:48 PM

Wont social services try to help you and help you keep your son?

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 06:51 PM

No they say they wil help but the will take him away and say I'm a danger to him cause of the self harm. They can be all nicey nicey to u and walk all over u at the same time. I don't like them and I don't need more stress

tifflehan · 01-04-2011, 06:57 PM

Oh honey. You need to look after yourself as well as your baby. Do they think you are a danger to him?

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 07:04 PM

I know and I am looking after him well he is my only distration that works I really don't want to lose him

tifflehan · 01-04-2011, 07:07 PM

Having a baby is hard emotionally and physically. Do you have any family that can help? Or friends?

I had my baby 19 years ago, and I know how hard it is.

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 07:20 PM

Yeah I have family who take my son for a few hours to give me a break 2 days a week and I have a best friend I can talk to, but she thinks everything is fine and that I don't have any real problems. I don't want to worrie her.

PassedExpectations · 01-04-2011, 10:47 PM

if she expects you to be having an easy time right after you've had a baby, thats sort of unreasonable. its really normal to be quite stressed taking care of an infant, particularly if you had your own troubles to begin with. and i think that she'd rather be worried and able to help than let you suffer on your own and possibly end up in various forms of trouble

shivonie · 01-04-2011, 10:58 PM

Looking after my son is no problem I have look after children most my life so it's easy. I'm sure ur rite but she doesn't need my troubles on top of her own I will tell her but not just yet

talaiporia · 02-04-2011, 09:02 PM

Oh Siobahn, I'm so sorry you're struggling again. Things seemed to be going so well? What's made you slip up again?

And eleven months is amazing, even if you've slipped up now, it doesn't mean you can't stop again. Be careful and look after yourself. Your son needs you.

I really think you should see your doctor/CPN about this. They are not going to try and take your son away just because you've hurt yourself; they'll want to help.

shivonie · 02-04-2011, 09:50 PM

Hey, I just really down about my body and how I look now I just want my old bony back but that won't happen I should be proud of my stretch marks but I'm not I hate them I thought I could live with them but I cant:(
I have to start from scratch again and that's hard too that i just through it away like that. I feel even worse for doin it and fucking things up for myself and my son. But now Im always have urges to do more and more. I don't think I can fight it much longer. I hate feeling like this :(

talaiporia · 02-04-2011, 11:08 PM

*huggles* It you are worried about the stretch marks you could try something like Bio Oil, which is quite good at making marks like that fade. And your stretch marks are completely worth it - you have a beautiful baby boy because of them.

Can you speak to someone about this? Your doctor?

shivonie · 02-04-2011, 11:21 PM

I have been using bio oil for about 2 months and there's no real change apart from the redness fading. I know I should look at them and be happy but I'm not it make me feel worse about how I look :'( I could talk about it but I would just break down in tears. I know justing thinking about it makes my cry and as I write this now I have tears running down my face :( it's a mess :(

talaiporia · 03-04-2011, 12:22 AM

Hmm. It does take a very long time to work; they say three months for any improvement, so it's not going to go away overnight. But seeing as it is really bothering you, perhaps you could discuss it with your GP and see if there's anything you can do?